There I was - smack dab in the middle of what was supposed to be an easy demolition project. We were finally removing the 1970's classic drop ceiling from the kitchen. The idea sounded simple enough, remove the drop and replace with new drywall. The hope was that it would leave the kitchen feeling more open and more inviting.

As with any project it didn't go as planned. We got the drop ceiling down, but when we tried to remove the old drywall we noticed that some of it was loose. So, like any skilled craftsman we were going to cut it back to the next ceiling joist and have fresh lines when we installed the new drywall.

Well... sure enough as soon as we touched the ceiling in the dining room the whole thing came down with a thud that sounded a lot like thunder. Luckily, only minor injuries were sustained by my buddy Zak, but we still found ourselves standing in the dining room with 12 inches of insulation around our ankles & the dining room ceiling broken at a nice 45 degree cut.

There was only one option left - take the whole ceiling down and start fresh.

As we worked it really got me thinking about my marriage and relationships in general. Often times I want to try to put patch jobs on the hurt, I want to treat the symptom and not the problem. Sure, treating the drop ceiling would have taken less time, but putting in a new ceiling is going to help us in the long run. It will create security, consistency, and give us a chance to re-do the electrical work. It creates a better foundation to work from for the future.

What I'm learning is that sometimes it is better to tear the whole thing down and start from scratch. In my marriage I think that looks like having the tough conversations rather than just asking my spouse to stop doing something. Often times I want to get her to change her behavior rather than telling her what I'm feeling.

If there is something that my spouse is or isn't doing that I have a problem with that is most likely more about me than it is about her. I need to have the courage to rip down the ceiling and address the hurt.

It is the only way to set a good foundation for the future.

Relationship Challenge

Journal for 5 minutes about the things that your spouse does that aggravate you, then journal for 5 more minutes on the feelings. Pay special attention to own the feeling.

Once you both finished journaling share the journals and discuss!