Tony Miltenberger

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One Day at a Time: How I am Coping in a Covid-19 World

Can we all agree that this week has been weird?

Probably the weirdest of my life, and the reality is that it shows no signs of letting up. The days have felt like weeks, and yet in retrospect, the time has gone by fast. I’m not even sure how those two things exist in the same world, yet here we are.

I was texting with a friend about the whole thing and we began to speculate how long this quarantine lifestyle could last, and it became overwhelming. Overwhelming to think that this could be our reality for several weeks, if not months.

So, how do we cope in an uncertain world that has no clear outcomes and no clear timeline?

I don’t have a great answer for you, but I will tell you what I’m working to live in to; one day at a time. That’s it, pretty simple, and yet, when done well - very profound. Living one day at a time is the only trick I have in uncertain times. And I know it works because I’ve used it before.

When I began my work in the world of recovery is when I first encountered the mantra of living one day at a time. I thought it to be cliche and a little quippy, but all the recovery people embraced it like a warm blanket. It didn’t take me long to figure out why.

The beautiful part of one day at a time is that when the world feels like it is falling apart, or you don’t know what tomorrow will bring the only thing you have to do is make it through today.

One day at a time gives you permission to hold everything loosely.

Worried that you won’t make it months in quarantine? No problem, just make it today. Worried that you are going to lose your job? I get it, let’s just get through today. Anxious that the kids will never go back to school and you’ve been promoted to home school teacher forever? Understandable, let’s just get through the next eight hours.

When we hold emotional crisis loosely we give the emotions the freedom to come in, and freedom to leave. One day at a time is a belief that I am going to experience whatever I have to experience today, and tomorrow has permission to be completely different. A bad day is just that, one bad day. Because I choose to live one day at a time, there isn’t pressure when the day is too bad or even too good. It is just today, and as certainly as it came it will also pass. I also don’t have to fantasize about the future, because I am just taking it one day at a time.

Sometimes even a day can feel like it is too much to manage, in those moments I take it one hour at a time, and if an hour is too much then I take it one minute at a time.

I have decided to only manage what I can handle at the moment I can handle it.

In my mind, it looks like me standing in front of God with open hands palms facing towards the heavens. And because I am choosing not to hold on to all of this too tightly I can only manage what will fit in the palm of my open hand. If things start to spill over, I simply let it spill, knowing that in the next minute, hour, or day everything will change - and that is okay.

And when I do that well (which isn’t always the case, sometimes I close my hands out of fear or control) what I realize is that one day at a time is really an act of submission. I am not God, and today (probably just today) I won’t act like it.

My prayer for you is that in the midst of this chaos you can find the courage to live one day, one hour, or even one minute at a time.