#169: Scarlet Hiltibidal: You’re the Worst Person in the World
Scarlet wants you to know you don't have to have it all together. Our conversation talks about grace, peace, and finding heroes.
You are going to love her thoughts for the world.
Links:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ScarletHiltibidal
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/scarlethiltibidal/
Websites: https://www.scarlethiltibidal.com/
EP. 169
Tony: [00:00:00] Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Reclamation Podcast, where our goals to help you reclaim good practices through faith and life. I'm Tony Ann today is episode 169 of the podcast where I sit down with author and speaker, Scarlet, hittable, and Scarlet. And I talk about her latest resource. You're the worst person in the.
And why that's the best news ever that you don't have to have it all together that you aren't in enough and Hey, you can't fix it on your own, man. If there's ever been a season for a book like this it's right now, and I think you're gonna love this conversation. It was super spirit led. She's got a great voice.
We get into some good stuff, some great stories about her dad and why why she calls him the hero in the blue Jeep. I think you're really gonna. If you do enjoy, do me a favor, hit that subscribe button, wherever you listen to podcasts, leave a rating or review on iTunes or Spotify and [00:01:00] share this episode with a friend, maybe somebody who's struggling and feels like they have to keep it all together.
I think that they would really, really benefit from this conversation. Now without any further ado. Here's my conversation with Scarlet Scarlet. Thank you so much for being on the podcast today. It's a privilege and an honor to have you here.
Scarlet: Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to talk to you.
Tony: Well, we're gonna jump into your latest resource here in a minute, but I always love to start by asking people A call question.
How, how would you define what God has called you to? Because I, I was kind of looking at your, your life and you've got some physical counseling and you've written a couple of spiritual and also, you know, kind of just like, Hey, look at your life kind of books. How would you describe your calling?
Scarlet: That's a great question. You're just going right in for it. Let me think. That's a hard question. there's no.
Tony: There's no runway here. I'm sorry.
Scarlet: No I mean, right now I would say my calling is the same as every Believer's calling [00:02:00] to worship and enjoy Jesus and pursue the peace Sue the piece that he offers through a relationship with him.
I would just say simple as that. Every other thing that I have tried to pursue as a calling somehow winds up being self-centered even when it's been for Jesus, you know? Yeah. And so when I wake up every day and just, that's my goal I have found that that is where the joy and peace and the whole living out what I was made for.
Comes into, you know, and I mean, it's a million ways, I'm a mom, I'm a wife, I'm a, you know, we have our jobs, we have our places we serve and I really try to keep my brain there because I sure did pursue a whole lot of things in life that left me feeling more restless and empty, even, even things in the name of Jesus.
So I'm sure we'll, we'll talk more about this but that's my, that's my.
Tony: So we were talking a little bit before I hit record. And you mentioned that your husband's in [00:03:00] full-time ministry and you guys just moved to California and I had this question pop in my head, so I'm gonna ask it and you, you don't have to answer it if you don't want to, but as a pastor's wife, I think that you have a really unique view on the toll.
That the pandemic has taken on the local church. Hmm. And I would be interested to hear your thoughts as someone who, who lives in the church, who, who serves the church through a writing and you know, your ministry yourself. And so, like, it's just a really unique viewpoint. I I'd be interested to hear your kind of macro view.
Scarlet: Yeah. Well, I'm afraid my answer's gonna be kind of boring Tony, because we just moved out here last year. So I feel like the people who would have great answers would be people who were in the thick of it before last year, you know, cause we were kind of, we kind of came back into. Local church ministry as it was ending, honestly, mm-hmm now we were kind of in this weird untethered spot when we lived, we lived in in the Nashville area for [00:04:00] almost 10 years, and it was this weird thing where God kind of just allowed.
A stripping of all like our like support system. We had one family, you know, relocated cuz of a job, actually two families that we were very close to. And then when COVID was happening, you know, our other closest family friend lost his job. So he had to move away and it was just kind of like for maybe two or three years while the world was like, what is happening?
We were kind of like also what is happening, but also just very. Ready for the next thing. So you know, so I travel around and speak about the books I've written and I, that has been kind of a strange thing. Of course, everything got canceled in 2020, but just kind of stepping back into it this year.
Things opening back up, it is kind of always a, you know, asking the questions. How, like, how is this church handling this? And it's hard, man, cuz there's so many opinions. But again, I have like a totally boring answer because I have. I was a church goer who, you know, our [00:05:00] church went online for a while back in Nashville.
I really don't have any firsthand experience because I just kind of hopped in when things were getting better. So I'm just, so you might wanna cut this it's boring, but yeah.
Tony: Now I think it's good. I think sometimes boring is good. It doesn't always have to be like, I don't know. I'm I'm here for the boring answer.
I, I, I, I just love hearing people's hearts around it and how it works. You know, you guys have had a lot of transition and obviously this new book, one of the questions that I I'm curious about is how, how do you discern God's voice in your life?
Scarlet: That's a very good question, too. You know, it's so hard, it's so hard because we live in this world that is so distracting.
And even, even before I think human brains, we're just all, like I said earlier, we're all wired. Just kind of look for calling purpose in whatever we feel affirmation from, you know? So how do I hear God's VO voice? I mean, [00:06:00] again, I'm being so basic with my answers. I could tell you a million ways. I tried to hear his voice in the past.
I mean, I used to open the Bible. and be like, okay, God, tell me what you're gonna tell me today. And I totally think he uses that. And sometimes, and you know, does that, but it's like, I didn't have a personal relationship with Jesus. I was raised, I had a weird upbringing. My mom was an actress. My dad, my biological dad was a fire reading magician.
My adoptive dad was on the SWAT team and I was, and we moved all the time and I was just kinda. I just wanted stability. And I was like, where am I? What's happening? As a kid. So I was kind of this anxious, panicked kid and being raised to believe that Jesus was the hope of the world. So I would just kind of like frantically comb through my comb, through my Bible, looking for rules that I could follow so that Jesus would love me.
totally missing the whole point of Christianity, you know? Which is that Jesus is, God is good. He sent Jesus to pay the price for my non. I cannot do anything on my own to earn his love, [00:07:00] his approval. You know, the satisfaction that comes from feeling like you're accomplishing your purpose. Like there's nothing I can do.
I just, I just have to have a relationship with him and I. My relationship was just very striving and striving, striving. I just, yeah, that's a word. No, I love it. That's a great word. You should trade on. Came outta my soul, Tony. It's just with the strive I was just striving in every way, but especially in my faith, because I was only cherry picking versus out and seeing Jesus say you did all these things in my name, depart from me.
I never knew you. And then I was like, okay, well, what do I have to do to make sure he doesn't say that to me again? Just pulling this one thing, outta context, missing his character and missing, you know, who's writing, who's talk. Who are they talking to? When was this written? You know? So my simple, boring answer is.
To know, God's voice. You have to study the Bible, be diligent to pursue him in his word rather than pursuing, you know, a formula or a fix to [00:08:00] a problem. You know, my life changed when I started reading the Bible as the gift that it is rather than. Trying to earn some kind of favor or approval that I already had through Jesus.
So, you know, prayer reading the Bible and obeying what it says, because man, it's like our brains tell us that if we obey life is gonna be scary and hard, but actually if we obey, we get to experience the peace and joy of doing what we were made to do that calling, you know, that you talked about. So You know, the spiritual disciplines obeying when Jesus says, do not neglect Chris, the faith community, like, you know, that's hard for me cause I'm kind of a hermit.
So I force myself to not be a hermit. And there's always blessing in that and it's the best. So there there's my long but short answer.
Tony: It's so good. I, I think that there's probably somebody listening right now. Who's. Strive. No, I feel that deep in my bones, which by the way, I'm gonna steal now and use forever.
Scarlet: There you go. I'll attribute it to you the first couple of times after you have to say it, like with an accent, like [00:09:00] a pretentious accent, probably striving.
Tony: Yeah. No. So how do we go from strive to obedience? Right. And I know that's a big part of like this writing is you're the worst person in the world and that kind of change.
How does, how did that happen in your life?
Scarlet: Well, I think the short answer, and I'll tell you how it happened in my life. But I think the short answer is when you see the beauty of Jesus and realize what it means that you're forgiven. It, I think of Isaiah in the throne room of God and Isaiah six, when he is just suddenly in the presence of, you know, that he sees the train of God's robe, fill the temple and his reaction.
A cry of despair and he falls on his face and he basically says, I, I shouldn't be alive right now. But then, you know, that weird thing happens where the angel touches his mouth with a Nicole and says you are forgiven. And then his response to being forgiven like, oh, I'm forgiven. Even though I'm unworthy of this, unbelievable God that I'm kind of seeing right now.
[00:10:00] His response is like, here I am send me mm-hmm like, I'll do whatever you want me to do. Not even knowing. What God's gonna ask him to do, you know, I think of myself and like all the clarifying questions that I might have, like here I am send me, but is this gonna be in a good neighborhood? Like if it was my schedule, can we do it on a Tuesday?
Do it on zoom? That would be, you know I think that, that, like that thing that Isaiah experienced, that's the whole answer. It's like seeing what it really means and experiencing it, not. Hearing about it, not just reading about it in my own life. Okay. So you mentioned my book, you're the worst person in the world?
In my own life, I was a striver from day one, trying so hard to be admired and approved. And I just wanted everyone to love me. And especially God, you know, and you know, I became a believer when I was 14 years old, I watched a church play. I was like, I get it. I get the gospel. I need Jesus. These people at this church play, they [00:11:00] were pretending to be murderers and Jesus forgave them like, oh my goodness.
He could forgive me too. Even if I broke one rule, even though I think I'm perfect right now, , you know, that's kind of where my mind is at. Sure. And I believed it, but then I just like moved to that striving nature into my faith. And so I was like, The very Pharisees that I was reading about in the gospels.
That's like who I was. And I just, because I wasn't really reading the Bible, I was just kind of like speak to me, Lord, like I said, and like opening it to whatever and, you know, just cherry picking stuff. You know, I was just very inexperienced and I didn't really realize the weight of my sin yet. So like all of us believers, I'm sure.
My testimony is there's so many parts to it. In college, you know, when I was stuck in sin and God helped me out of it when I finally obeyed and confessed that was like, oh my goodness, I I'm starting to get. Mercy thing is all about. But the main thing that has helped me happened when I had my first born baby [00:12:00] and she was three months old, she's now 11 and I was at a pastor's wive's retreat.
So at this point I'm already air quotes, a professional Christian. I have a Bible college degree. You're you're in the thick I am in it. I have like a pass I'm a pastor's wife. I mean, I'm at a pastor's wife thing. And so I should have it. I should have the gospel in my heart by now. Right. But I was still.
I didn't know how to experience the joy and peace that is supposed to come with walking with Jesus. I was so frantic and miserable all the time and I would see Christians and I'd be like, why don't I have, what, what am I doing wrong? And so I would just try harder, you know? And so I'm in this, I'm at this retreat with my baby.
I'm the only one who brought a baby because I didn't trust my husband. Who's wonderful to keep her for one night. She was three months old cuz I was so Anxious all the time. And so I'm bouncing her in the back and all these moms are giving good parenting advice and I'm trying to absorb it and be like, I have to now memorize baby sleep training.
I don't know what this is, you know, trying to memorize and absorb all of that. And then it got to this woman named Elizabeth. [00:13:00] She, I don't even really know her, but she was in the room and she just shared a little bit. And God used that moment. I'd heard the gospel a million times at this point, but he used her words and her experience to like, make.
You know, come makes sense in my heart. And she just said, my goal is not to be the perfect wife, the perfect mom have the perfect kids. I cannot do that. Anyway. My goal is to just point to the people in my life to Jesus, show them that I'm weak and that Jesus is good. Live the gospel out in my home.
And then she just kind of practically said what that looked like for them. And she said, you know, if I'm mean to one of my kids or argue with my husband instead of just. Trying to hide that. I, you know, I confess it, I apologize. I say, I've sinned, I'm wrong. I'm sorry. And then she said, then I show them what I do with my sin.
I show them how to pray a prayer of repentance. And I remind them what the gospel means for us. It means that when we fail, we don't have to despair because we're forgiven. And so. She just kinda [00:14:00] laid this out and it, I still have chills talking about it. I've talked about it so many times, but it's like I realized in that moment that my faith goals, my life goals were all backwards and that, you know, when I have a win, when I have a good day, I can be, I can rejoice because I can know, like I know me and I know that that was the work of the holy spirit through me.
But if I have a bad day, which happens probably way more often, you know, cause I'm a sinner. I don't have to despair. I can still have joy and peace. I can even use that to say, oh my goodness, family friend, whoever is witnessing this failure of mine. Like, thank God for Jesus. Like I'm forgiven and, and, you know, living like that and remembering that makes you more holy because it makes you when you have that gratitude and that understanding.
Of yourself and that humility of like, no, I'm not, I don't have it all together. I'm not enough. I can't fix it on my own. That's the subtitle of my book. That's good news because of Jesus. And then you become more [00:15:00] like him because you actually have a relationship with him rather than a fearful, you know, obedience for the sake of your own checklist of things you think make you a good person, you know?
So that is kind of. Changed my whole life and slowly, like God used that moment with that woman at that retreat to just kind of strip away all this fear and idolatry and stuff I was thinking and doing and really grateful.
Tony: Did you ever get to meet her?
Scarlet: Yeah, I mean, I was in the room with her, with my Bo bouncing my baby in the back and I, you know, I, it kind of happened and I just kept it to myself.
And then, I mean, I mean, I have, I, I don't even know that I've, I'm sure I saw her in passing since, but since I like started writing and like speaking publicly about her, I have absolutely, you know, Facebook messaged her and thanked her for letting God use her to change my life. Yeah. But like, you know, I we're listen.
Tony: That's, I'm always curious. [00:16:00] Like, I'm always curious, like at some days she's gonna be in heaven and be like, look, what, one sentence that God gave me did to impact so many people. Right? No, she knows. I,
Scarlet: I have told her he's good. Like hope it's okay. Like you're writing books about what you said. Okay.
Tony: I love it.
I love it. I, so there are seasons in my life where I feel like I get that and I'm living that kind of like really. You know, sanctified kind of a approach to life where every day I'm just gonna, Hey, when I mess up, I'm gonna repent. And then there are other seasons in my life where I'm a train wreck and I don't do any of that.
H how do you stay mission focused on living for Jesus every day versus going back to living for Scarlet?
Scarlet: I'm so glad that this just happened 10 minutes ago, but I was in the car with my daughter. My oldest one just started singing the song. I hadn't thought of in a long time by Ellie Holcomb.
And, oh my goodness, please. Jesus. Will you give me the lyrics right now? Because I'm starting to talk about it before I even know if I remember it. It was oh my goodness. In the doubting, in [00:17:00] the something I, okay. I, it's not coming to me, but the point of the lyrics of this beautiful song from Ellie Holcomb was no matter how we feel.
In the grief in the doubting, in the wrestling, like you're faithful. You know, and just, that was the song lyric. And I was so grateful that she sang that because I am having a hard season personally right now. I lost two family members last year. One to suicide. The next one was 16 days later and it was just this shocking.
I know that the whole world has been suffering and experienced these great losses because of just everything. But I'm sorry. Thank you. It was just crazy. And it was almost like, you know, the grief thing, I'm new to grief. I had never lost anyone close to me. And so I've definitely wrestled with how to have peace with, especially my uncle who was more, the more of a father figure and suicide, you know, it's like, how do I make peace with that?
How do I think about that? And. Man. I say all this, just to say, [00:18:00] like, I'm going around doing these podcasts and stuff and like trying to encourage people to, like you said, like stay connected and stay on the mission. And I think a big thing to remember with that is that all of us, like, you know, I used to think, oh, I'm a professional Christian.
I should have this down by now. Like, there are no professional Christians. There's just us. We know ourselves. There's just us people. And then there's the good God who is faithful. No matter how we feel, no matter how we wrestle, whether or not we are checking the boxes of obedience, he is good and he's faithful and it's his goodness that saves us.
And that gives us access to him. So you know, like right now, I wouldn't say I'm like, Killing it in my brain. like, my brain is my brain is, is struggling right now. Yeah. And I am, what am I doing? I am fighting, like I said earlier, the urge to isolate which is the absolute worst thing you can do.
And I am doing the things I know to be [00:19:00] true, which. The, the things that I know are what I was made to do and what will help my mind get back to that place of feeling like I am on this mission. Cuz I, I do feel like I'm on a mission, but I feel weak right now. And so I have to remember that in my weakness, God is strong.
I have to fill my mind with the truth of scripture. I have to not neglect to pray. I have to I personally have to like, record these prayers and answers. Otherwise I will just like forget and not even notice all the details that God's involved in, in my life. Cuz what is more faith building and joy inducing than that, you know?
The huge one for me. And again, everybody's different. Some people are like wanna be with people all the time and maybe God's leading them to like get alone a little bit, you know, , I'm, everybody's different. The Bible's really clear that we were made for each other. We were made to live in community and, you know, be involved in a local church you know, be involved in borrowing each other's [00:20:00] faith and encouraging each other and getting encouraged by other believers.
And so even though that's hard and can be awkward and painful sometimes doing those things is what helps me and keeps me focused on what is true and. , you know, I do have joy in peace, even in my grief because I know that it's not up to me. I know the world is broken and I know that Jesus is gonna fix the broken world all the way, you know, someday.
So yeah, it's my long winded answer NEDs.
Tony: It's beautiful. I thank you for being vulnerable and sharing that, cuz I it's easy and you've probably done. A thousand podcasts since the book came out or whatever. And like, it's, it's easy to go on and pretend like the world is perfect, but the truth is God is perfect and everything else is just, you know, sitting in the tension of this is hard and it's good and it can be fun some days and sad some days.
And I, [00:21:00] I know that there's somebody listening, who. It, it was just really touched including myself just by the honesty and all that. So thank you for that.
Scarlet: Thanks for asking.
Tony: Hey everybody just pausing this conversation to remind you about the living, the faith Facebook group. It's through the spirit and truth Facebook page, which we are a ministry of.
So if you want to get more engaged in the conversation, you wanna get more connected. You wanna carry this conversation into the week, go to living the faith Facebook group. Ask to join, answer the questions. Let us know that you heard us here on the reclamation podcast. We'll get you connected there.
And if you wanna support or learn more about spirit and truth, check out our website, spirit and truth.life. Now let's finish up with Scarlet O one of the things that I love about the book is I love to read dedication pages. I'm real sappy . And so your, your dedication pages to your dad your hero in the blue Jeep [00:22:00] and then And then you talk about some of your, like your dadism and I've got three kids and I love horrible dad sayings you know, like and you, you talk about this idea about repetition.
And so we always say like, like trust is given mistrust is earned. You know, the son never sets on safety. I was in the army for a long time. So like, you know, I was reading this and I was like, Paul is my long while best friend. Oh man. Yeah. Could you, could you talk a little bit about your dad and the importance he plays and all this?
Scarlet: Yes. I love him so much. Okay. So my dad, I call him my dad. He's my adoptive dad. Sure. I don't have a relationship with my biological dad. So when I say my dad, I'm referring to Paul, who is in his 60. He still looks like Johnny Bravo, like a triangle shaped body. He's a superhero was on the SWAT team was a police helicopter pilot, like you noticed in the book, very safety oriented and yeah, he legally adopted me when I was eight and he is just remains [00:23:00] one of the most shining examples of just the, the love of Jesus.
In the fatherly way, you know? Yeah. In my life and yes, I dedicated it to him, the hero and the blue Jeep. I don't know if you got to this story in the book that explains the hero in the blue Jeep. You didn't. Okay. So basically it sounds like a made up story and I probably shouldn't even tell it because it's one of those stories.
That's like, this is too bad and crazy to be real. I love it, but it's real, it's better in the book. So just believe me on that, but it basically, it was 20. We were for Christmas, my parents rented a cabin on a mountain. For me and 10 family members to stay. And there was a blizzard and we got trapped on the mountain.
Me, my three kids, young girls my husband and everyone else in my family made it off the mountain and we had no food and we were eating out of a trash bag and it all just sounds crazy, but long story short. I know there was no heat. There was no water. The toilets didn't work. Everybody was going to the bathroom outside.
It was like, how does this [00:24:00] happen? America on a vacation where you have rented a cabin on top of a Mount. It just, you know, it was, it was a very crazy few days. And, you know, I think I wrote in the book about, you know, praying things like give us this day, our daily bread was such a sobering thing. It's like, you know, here in America, most of us have more than we need.
And. We pray, things like that, dismissively, but to like be in that situation where like my youngest one was hungry and we didn't have food, it was just crazy. So anyway, my dad, this is just a very practical example. Rented a four wheel drive because he is Paul Wessel, even though the coast guard and the police and no one would come rescue us cuz they couldn't, it was like an ice mountain.
There were other people stranded. We were one of the people. One of the groups that was stranded, nobody would come get us. He rented a four wheel Jeep and he tried to make it up the mountain. It wouldn't go all the way up. So he let us know and our phones, we didn't have chargers. So we're like turning it on and off.
He kind of tells us where he is. We [00:25:00] kind of cry slide down the mountain. This is after like two days of being stranded and He told me it was, he was in a blue Jeep. And so I'm asking other stranded people, have you seen a blue Jeep, you know, and they're saying no. And then finally someone was like, yes.
At the bottom of this hill, there's a blue Jeep. And I mean, it was seriously a movie except it was real life and it was terrifying, but I round the corner wet and haven't showered in days. It was Christmas, you know, it was like Christmas. Sure. The day after Christmas. And there he is in his leather jacket with the rented blue Jeep and I fall into his arms crying and he got me a big Mac.
And I, you know, the thing is he is a good dad. And I think it's really beautiful that he did not have to be my dad. I know that I mean, no dads have to be dads. You know, we all make our own choices and a lot of us have father pain. Obviously I'm alluding to, I'm not going deeply into it, but just to have a man who just decides, I'm going to make you, my child, you're gonna be part of my family.
And when you're a 35 year old, stranded on a mountain with kids, I'm still going to, [00:26:00] to rescue, you know I'm still gonna be there at the bottom, you know I'm gonna do whatever it takes, Liam NISO style. Like , whatever it takes, I will find you. And. He's just been that for me in dramatic ways, like 20, 20 Christmas, but also in the ways of like, when I was a striving teenager who was freaking out.
Cheerleading or boys. And I would sit up on the counter and he would listen for hours. And I would always think, man, he's not rushing me. And he's just listening. And he would give me the fatherly wisdom over and over. And his wisdom was so good. And now I get what it means. You know, one of the things was all sin leads to heartache.
All sin leads to, he would always say that when I was gonna go out as a teenager and I just thought he was trying to keep me from doing drugs and, you know, whatever. and yes, he was, but also he was trying to keep my heart from being in pain because he's a good father. So all sudden leads to heartache also meant if you idolize something or if you are worshiping anyone other than Jesus, like you're gonna have heartache.
And [00:27:00] now as a believer who has experienced God in my own life, I see how loving that was for him to give me rules and warn me about the pain of sin and all that. So anyway, I dedicated it to him because he's. One example of many I'm very grateful to have, who have taught me the truth and who have taught me that it's not about me and my goodness.
And he's just a good dad. I don't know. I could talk about him all day. He's the best.
Tony: That's beautiful. Paul Wessel. Yeah, I, I just, I'm thankful for, for guys in the world like Paul, so that's for
Scarlet: sure.
And the myth, the legend.
Tony: I am curious, did you have you adopted any of your own YESS or, or Wes?
I
Scarlet: thought were saying adopted a child. Yes. One of our daughter
Tony: is adopted. I did, I did know that I did know that, but I'm more thinking about the horrible or like repetitive, like, you know, really daddy, do you guys, you guys have any family mottos like that? I'm just curious if it was like passed down to you and
Scarlet: then I don't think it's okay.
I think I broke the [00:28:00] chain of, of repetitive phrases. I broke that chain even though I'm I'm so for it, I don't know. I can't maybe I'll think, well, I mean, your oldest
Tony: is 11,
Scarlet: right? My
Tony: oldest is 11, so you're really not to the place where you need a lot of repetitive sayings yet. Yeah. I've got a 16 year old and oh man.
And we're we're in the, we are in the thick of it in the repetitive sayings,
Scarlet: all send Lee's party. You take that one?
Tony: I always say that there's always a consequence for sin. Yes. But this is much nicer it's, you know, I mean, it's not nicer, but like yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels less. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's how has the, now you mentioned the adoption.
We should go there. How, how has that how has that experience Changed you. Oh
Scarlet: man. That's another thing that has just so dramatically revealed my own weakness, which I always end up grateful for, you know, because mm-hmm, the thing is if, if we never stepped into anything difficult or me anyway, if I never, if I never experienced a difficulty, I know I would [00:29:00] be.
So one of those people. Believing the self-sufficiency lie of, I got this you know, I'm doing great. , you know, checking the boxes. You know, my husband always wanted to adopt since he became a believer before I met him, I did not wanna adopt because I was a very safety conscious, fearful panicky person.
And before that encounter with Elizabeth who helped. See that I could actually rest in the goodness of Jesus. Stop, striving, stop, stop self isolating, protecting. Before all that, I was too scared to step into something like an adoption, even though I had been adopted by Paul and that changed my whole life.
You would've thought right. It would've melted my heart and like let, but no, I was too scared. But yeah, it's such a long story, but God used people. God used. after that Elizabeth thing. I was more faithful in my small groups at church, rather than like just going and being very arms distance. I actually got involved with other people [00:30:00] and God just used them.
They were just, you know, studying the Bible next to me. They weren't saying you better start doing this. I was just changed by being in God's word with other people being in God's word on a regular basis. And. I don't know, God just led us to adopt her. and she has some special needs. She's this amazing miracle.
She she's adorable by the way. Oh my goodness. She's the cutest thing in the world. She,
Tony: you should go F follow Scarlet on Instagram right now, just for,
Scarlet: That, just for joy content. She's so just
Tony: for joy, joy content. That's exactly right.
Scarlet: Yeah. Her name's DNI rename for joy. She's so cute. Yeah, when we met her, she was, had no physical outer ears at all.
she was the size of an 18 month old, but she was almost four, not potty trained. I mean, it really was one of these, like the doctors said, don't do it. We knew God told us to do it. I had peace because God was like, she's your girl. So I was like, Hey pediatrician, will you still be the doctor though? Because we're gonna do it.
I hear you. But saying not don't do it, but [00:31:00] we're just gonna do it. And it was, that was such a cool thing too, because the doctors got to witness this miracle that God decided to do. Wow. Because she is just. How did God change me through that? I think that during the process I experienced peace because of him, but it kind of morphed into pride because I'm a human.
And so I kind of started feeling like, I'm just gonna love her. It's gonna be easy. I got this. And then we met her and she was so struggling and it was so hard. And so that was just a really humbling experience. And just a reminder of how much I daily need. Jesus, you know, I'm, I'm not gonna, yeah.
You know, adopt someone like I'm a hero or something and give them a hug and then everything is fixed. , you know, adoption is like, you're bringing someone into your own broken family and it's a beautiful picture of God bringing us into his family, but he's per, he's the perfect parent. I'm not the perfect parent.
And so God has taught me to [00:32:00] trust him. For every single day, God's taught me so much just through joy and her resilience and her grace, you know and just taught me so much about his power through what he did in her life. I mean, she, you would ne you would never know the way she has two physical years now that are, were printed on a printer and made for her and covered in her own skin.
And she's fluent in sign language, and she understands English and hears with her hearing aid. And she. She's so easy going and joyful. And man, it's like, we just, we don't deserve her. She's just amazing. And that's, I think that's the main thing is that God has used that whole thing to remind me of how, what, how good he is and how everything is a gift from him and not something.
What is it? Ephesians? Two eight. Like our salvation, it's a gift from God. It's not of ourselves, so no one can boast. Like I know me and I know the whole story, even the parts, I'm not drawing on a podcast. So like, it just, just knowing that reminds [00:33:00] me, man. It is a gift. It's just all a gift. So
Tony: yeah. So one of the major scriptures for this book comes out of Matthew five, three, blessed are the poor and spirit.
I was wondering if you could kind of unpack the connection between. You're the worst person in the world and blessed are the poor spirit.
Scarlet: Sure. Okay. So blessed outta the poor spirit. Yeah. So I think I broke it into three sections. There was something or the sheep who've gone astray and, you know, Paul calls himself the chief of sinners and the poor and spirit part, you know, I'm, I remember reading that when I was the Christian who was trying to memorize Bible versus for the sake.
Me nailing Christianity, you know, I'm gonna get this. And I remember reading that and being super poor when I read it for like the first time being like, oh my goodness, I'm doing, I'm doing so good because I'm poor and I'm a Christian. Got it. Did it. Totally shift the box, totally missing the meaning, which is humility.
Like the poor and spirit blessed are those. [00:34:00] Yeah. Blessed means happy. Happy are those who see their need, you know, this is what we've been talking about the whole time, but, and it's what my book is all about. Yeah. But when we recognize routinely and daily, cuz we're forgetful, especially me, I'm so forgetful.
When we see how little we have to offer you know, I think that the world and our own hearts that are deceitful, that's what God's word. Will lead us to try to think the opposite, like blessed are those who are killing it and hustling and doing a great job at everything. And the thing is we all wanna do, like, I wanna do a great job in this interview.
Sure. So do you, I wanna do a great job at parenting. We wanna do a great job. But we have to come at, we have to come at our good works from the position. Man. I really do have nothing to offer. My righteousness is filthy rags. Praise God that he's given me the strength today and the grace today to serve my family and do what he's called me to do.
But yeah, instead of the opposite, which is to be prideful, which is so easy to do, even when I [00:35:00] was in the midst of this adoption, which was so God led. Birthed out of, you know, me being in a Bible study. And yet here I find myself in China thinking like, why is this so terrifying to me? Oh yeah. It's because I thought somewhere in there that, you know, I could do something or behave in a certain way that would make this.
An easy, beautiful love story. And it is a beautiful love story, but it's not been easy, you know? And it's not been my love that has changed Joy's life. Oh my goodness. I could cry just thinking about this. I mean, it's just the supernatural love of God that got us on that plane and the supernatural love of God that sustains us every day.
And that gives us purpose and meaning and peace and et cetera, et cetera. Man. I feel like I'm in, Hey, look, that Christian capital. That'll great. been a great, great time for me.
Tony: I, I really do love the vulnerability, so I feel like we're getting really great stuff [00:36:00] here. So I, I, I appreciate it. I, I was gonna ask this, I'd already written this down, so this next question's gonna feel like a follow up to Christian counseling, but . H how, how has it been, I mean, the book's been out in the wild now for a little bit as we record this.
How has it been seeing it's full of your personal stories? Mm-hmm it it's a, it's a. You know, it's a self deprecating glorifying God kind of book. Like I don't mean that in a bad, I know how to it's true. That is accurate. yeah. I'm trying not to sound like a jerk. No, no. Like how is it having all your stuff out there and for the world to see how's that been for you, Tony?
Scarlet: You can't get this wrong. Every chapter is titled worst. And then something that I I know have done or worst mom, worst wife, worst. Yeah. That is what I put into the world. So that's, that is what you put in here. No best taken. It's been, I was. The most anxious releasing this one, for sure. But had to keep reminding myself of the whole point.
The whole point is I hope that when people read this book, they [00:37:00] think more than just, wow, this person who wrote this is terrible. Like I hope that's not the main takeaway. I hope the main takeaway is that they see themselves in the stories of my own failures and that they see that we are all that, you know, Romans three, you know, we all have sin.
We all fall short. We all are poor spirit, whether we live like it or not, , you know, well, no, that's not true. We are all poor spiritually. Without what Jesus did and does he's alive and he's his, the word is living and active, you know? So it's been, you know, I, this is not my first book. My first one is behind me, the mustard colored one, afraid of all the things that was, I think, a different feeling because I had never put myself out there before.
This one, you know, I kind of feel like I've already said so many bad things about myself. Just add it to the pile. I don't know. I've had less anxiety to just come out. I hope it encourages people and Hey, there's nothing I can do about it now. it's there. It's out there
Tony: [00:38:00] now. It's out there now.
Yeah. Jesus
Scarlet: is coming back some. It'll all be fine. Amen.
Tony: amen. Okay. I have one more question for you, but before I ask it, I know that my listeners are gonna wanna follow you all over the Innerwebs. Where's the best thing to learn. All things Scarlet.
Scarlet: Probably my website. You're the worst person in the world.com.
Your. Y O U R E so almost correctly, but you can't put in apostrophe on the world. so my name? I would say Scarlet hiit.com, but that's a hard name to spell. So I'm on Instagram, a lot, Scarlet HIIT. That's where I spend most of my social media time. Twitter. I'm not,
Tony: and again, you should follow her on Instagram, just for the joy content.
Oh, just for
Scarlet: the joy content.
Tony: Okay. Last question. I always love to ask people. It's an advice question. Okay. And I'm gonna ask you to give yourself a piece of advice, except I get to name the specific time. Okay. So I'm gonna take you to the day after you heard Elizabeth speak. Hmm. [00:39:00] So if you could pull up in front of that younger version of Scarlet and sit knee to knee with her and hold her hands and look her in the eye.
What's the one piece of wisdom you're giving.
Scarlet: Wow. I mean, that moment it would be, Hey, did you hear what that lady said?
what else am I gonna add to what Elizabeth said? I mean, that was, that was the advice that changed my whole being, you know, I, I totally believe I was already a believer, but I think there are a lot of believers who don't know how to have abundant life today. because they view their salvation as a one time.
I mean, if you read Galatians, my, my church is studying the book of Galatians right now. Oh my goodness. It's exactly this. If you haven't read Galatians in a while, go back and read Galatians where Paul is saying to the church of Galatia. You know, the gospel, like don't preach a different gospel. One of you [00:40:00] know, works because Jesus died for nothing.
If it, you know, if, if you abandon grace, Jesus died for nothing. And I mean, that's what Elizabeth was saying. She was saying, don't just claim this gospel for your eternity. You can, you can live with the piece of it right now. It can, it can affect your everyday life. And I think it took me a long time to be able to put that into words and actions, but I think sitting with her and then the Scarlet of the next day was just kind of like, oh, there's another way to live.
And I think the way I would sum it up today would be the go, the good news of the gospel, the good news of Jesus. Gives us access to God right now. It's not something to hope. It is something to hope for someday. Like when we're fully whole, and the world is not broken anymore and everything has been made new, but also today, like we, even in the midst of deaths and families and moves and hard life stuff we can have access to peace and joy.
And so just believing that and yeah, I would just. [00:41:00] Hey, did you hear what you said? That's what I would say.
Tony: to myself. that's beautiful. I love it. I love it. Thank you so much for being you and for being vulnerable and authentic. And I I know. I know it was a real gift to all of my listeners
Scarlet: today.
Thank you so much,
Tony: man. I love Scarlet's voice. We had a really great conversation. We've connected a couple times since then. I think God is doing some pretty crazy things in her life in a very powerful way. Do me a favor, go follow her. Pick up a copy of her book. Follow her on socials. Let her know that you heard her here on the reclamation podcast.
It does. It does help people feel supported when you reach out to them. So, and, and be sure to lift her up in your prayer. As she continues to work through all her stuff. And just the way that God is working through her life. Hey guys, I'm thankful for each and every one of you, I'm thankful for our community for the way that we get to connect.
I don't know if I say this enough, but I'm thankful for all the ratings and reviews and just the way that we are building this [00:42:00] movement that believes that through intentional conversation, you can move closer to Jesus that we all can. So, Hey, we'll catch up with you guys later this week on our monologue episodes.
We're still cranking those out. At least for the rest of the summer, we will continue to get pretty good feedback on that. So we're playing it week by week, but I'm excited. Love being in this conversation with you guys. And remember, if you want to follow Jesus, you must be willing to move.
