#215: Kristen LaValley: Silent Nights
Kristen is back to talk about her latest Advent devotional for Christians who struggle with trauma & grief.
We also jump into an update on her story, as well as just the creative process in creating something like a devotional.
Read the full transcripts here.
https://www.kristenlavalley.com/silent-nights
https://www.instagram.com/kristen.lavalley/
https://www.kristenlavalley.com/shop/silent-nights-advent-readings-for-hearts-in-crisis
EP. 215
Tony: [00:00:00] Hey everybody. Welcome back to the Reclamation Podcast. So our goal is to help you reclaim good practices for following Jesus. Today is episode 215, and if we haven't met yet, my name is Tony. I'm your host with over a decade in the local church. I just want to help you connect with Jesus in any way, shape or form, and I do that using this audio platform that I, I.
And truly hope enriches your relationship with the Lord today. Special guest, repeat offender, Kristin LaValley. Kristen and I met about a year ago. She was on episode 1 0 2 of the podcast. She's got an incredible voice for the church. I love following her on Instagram. She's got. Theological thoughts about what it means to follow Jesus.
She's got a great perspective. The last time we talked, you'll hear me talk about this in the interview. She was [00:01:00] in an rv and just found out she was gonna have twins. We're way past that now, and today we talk about her latest resource. For Advent. For Advent. And so we talk about what advent is, why it matters, all that jazz in the podcast today.
I really hope you enjoy it, and if you do enjoy it, do me a favor, hit that subscribe button where every listen to podcast. You don't wanna miss some of our future episodes. Also, if you could share this episode with a friend, maybe somebody who, you know needs to be a little bit more intentional this Christmas season, that would my hope and.
Now without any further, Indo, here's my conversation with Kristin LaValley. Hey everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm excited today to have someone who you may have heard once before episode 1 0 2. Now we're like in the 200 s, Kristin LaValley. Kristen, thank you so much for being back on the podcast.
Kristen: Yeah, thanks so much for having me.
You know, you're, The last podcast, I, I've done the last podcast interview before everything went [00:02:00] crazy. We went into crisis pregnancy. You're the last one and now you're the first one that I'm doing as I'm getting back into doing podcast interviews, I just realized that today. I was like, oh, this is great.
Cause I love doing that podcast. It's one of the my favorite chats that I've done. So this is, it's kismet.
Tony: Well, I'll tell you that it's I, I went back and I listened to it today, and when we last left you were getting ready to have twins sell your rv. We, we recorded that in your rv.
Kristen: Yeah. And you can hear me dealing at my kids at one point.
Tony: Right. It's one of my favorite parts of the episode. . Could you, could you kind of catch everybody up, you know, kind of where you are in your life now? Yeah.
Kristen: In a really short version of everything that's happened in the last, what was that? 18 months ago, I guess last time we chatted. So a couple weeks after we recorded the episode, I found out that our girls were they, they weren't doing well in me, to put it simply, lots of medical terminology there, but one of the babies was not getting all the nutrients that [00:03:00] she needed and they recommended that we terminate her to save the other baby.
We. No way, Jose, we're not gonna do that. So long story short, as a roller coaster of your babies are gonna die, your babies are gonna be okay. And then I was hospitalized to keep a closer eye on them and to keep a closer eye on me because I developed something that happens in pregnancy called gestational hypertension, which can lead to a condition called preeclampsia, which causes seizures and.
And is very dangerous for the mom. I haven't talked about that a lot online because I tend to focus on what was going on with the girls, but my life was very much in danger at the end as well. So it was this mitigating the balance between letting the girls stay inside me as long as possible so they can continue to grow as long as possible.
But then also mitigating the risk for me because the longer I stayed pregnant, the more risk it was that I would end up in, in crisis. So we ended up having them because the preeclampsia came. Very quickly. We had them at 29 weeks and they were in the NICU [00:04:00] for seven and eight weeks. They came home. Wow.
We were actually, the day that they were born was our first day out of the rv, so we were in the RV that whole time. The day they were born, we had just moved into an apartment and then we ended up having to move into another apartment. Whole story, but then we bought a house after they had been home for two months.
We bought a house in the middle of the crazy. House crisis that's been going in. We were one of the last people to get those mortgage rates at 3%. So we really got a, the nick of time, it was such the Lord's favor, the last good blessing that he, he was like, you know what? You got your girls, I'm gonna make sure you get your house at 3% too, which we were really thankful for.
So we bought a house and the last year. I have been writing a book and just kind of figuring out life as a mom of five, and we've started going to some house churches and starting to kind of pursue the Holy Spirits leading in that like maybe we're gonna start a house church. We're kind of just in this like, all right, our lives are settled, our hearts are settled.
We've healed from [00:05:00] everything we've been through, and we're continuing to heal from all of that. What's next? I don. That was very short, but that is a lot packed in there.
Tony: Alyssa is great. It was great. And, and people can go back and listen to episode 1 0 2 if they wanna catch up on the, on some of your story pre rv, cuz we talk about that and Yep.
And the, the title of the episode was Critically Thinking Christians. And and I know that's a big part of your heart and also lately, The work that you've been doing. It's been a lot about how to deal with trauma and grief and some of the things that happen when we have to deal with other humans.
Mm-hmm. , you know, and they happen to all of us in different ways. And so one of the questions that I wanted to ask you is, is how would you describe the calling that God has placed on your life? Because you've done so many things and it kind of feels like season shift from here and there, but kind of how would you describe your overarching call?
Kristen: I think I, I view my calling as [00:06:00] staying. The same, even though the circumstances change and maybe it looks different to other people, but I've always felt like God has called me to what? In Bible school, we would call it unreached people groups. If you're learning about missions and stuff, they would say, we gotta reach the unreached people groups.
And so my, it's looked different in different parts of my life. In the last like five years, it's been pretty consistently people that are carrying really heavy things that the church doesn't have answers to or doesn't have. Comfort doesn't offer comfort to the things that people tend to offer.
Christian platitudes and you just gotta have faith and, but God is good. And we try to tie things up with pretty bows when people are sitting with things that are conflicting and that the Bible doesn't offer very clear instructions on how to. Deal with these things. Sometimes that's been people who have gone through loss or people who have gone through something traumatic or some people who have gone through really painful church traumas and spiritual wounds that they just, just leaves [00:07:00] them, leaves their faith shattered, and they don't know who to turn to because the church is saying the answers are simple and they're saying, that doesn't work.
Is there any other space for me? If those answers don't work, can I still love Jesus? Can I still follow Jesus? If I don't, if those numbers aren't the answers that I need right now. So that's kind of like, it's this very fragile space. So I was gonna say it simply, it would say, my ministry is to people who are fragile and are going through fragile and going through fra fragile things and are feeling very vulnerable.
And it's just a very human . You need a hug and a cup of tea and a book and for somebody to say, your pain is valid and I see you and I'm not gonna try to fix you right now, but I'm.
Tony: And I think one of the important things that I see and and when I see you talk about it online is that fragile is not bad.
Right? Right. Yeah. Fragile does not necessarily mean broken [00:08:00] or, or, or may maybe. How would you describe fragile if to someone who's maybe doesn't have a, a thought process on what this looks like?
Kristen: I think it fragile can be different for each person going through something. I tend to think of it as people who are very tender and their emotions are easily accessible with just like a little poke
Tony: That's a great, that's, that's a great answer. I do you find yourself identifying in that way?
Kristen: Oh, yeah. Which I wouldn't have. Ever in the last, like, you know, pre five years ago, which is when all of our really difficult things started happening. We had like a series of events. I kind of prided myself in not being emotional.
Like I'm not like the other girls. I don't let people see how I feel. I keep it all bottled up inside. Like I thought that was a badge of honor and that if I showed my emotions, I was being too feminine. And I think part of that is like [00:09:00] being a ministry in the church and wanting to downplay. The, the womanly parts of me.
So I would be more respected and, and given more responsibility. And as I've had these difficult things happen, I've seen how beautiful being fragile is when it comes to your relationship with Jesus and how. Close you. You can be to him and how much he draws close to us. When we allow ourselves to feel the things that we're feeling and, and we allow ourselves to be honest and open, not just with him, but with each other and the community that comes from that, and the friendship and the bonds that are formed and the way that we care for each other when we are fragile and like, yeah, I'm fragile.
All the time. And I think it's a strength. I don't think it's, it's something that prevents us from reaching Jesus or from reaching each other. I don't think it's a liability. I think it's just something that's human and we don't have to bypass our humanity to get to Jesus.
Tony: Well, I I think it's interesting as I, I'm processing this and kind of real time [00:10:00] that God on Earth who gives himself up for death feels really fragile to me.
Kristen: Mm-hmm. .
Tony: Definitely. And so that's a, that's a beautiful reflection I think. It, you know, you were very public with all the stuff that was happening with your, your twins and just your, your house and kind of just where you were with all of this. Mm-hmm. I know you had an experience with Carlos Whitaker and kind of all, you know, just there was a lot, like, there was, there was a really solid couple of weeks where my wife and I were just praying for your family be, and you know, like it's just there was a lot.
What, what did you learn? The internet community and God during that season. Cause it feels like a lot of emotions.
Kristen: It was. And it's so funny how when you look back, you see how God's hand was kind of like moving in your life before you realized it and. I just made this connection the other day that before everything happened, it was, might have been like maybe a week or two before we found out that the girls were not [00:11:00] doing well.
Zach had texted me this, that Zach is my husband, for anybody who doesn't know my husband's name, he had texted me and said, I feel like Lord is telling us that, and the next. Couple of months we're really going to need to lean into our community and to just let them or he, he said, we, we just need to be okay with receiving.
And that's something that we've never been okay with because it's always come with baggage. And we just have never really had good experiences with receiving from people. We're more like, no, we'll be the people that give, give, give. And he's like, I feel like God is telling us that we're entering a season where we need to receive from people.
And I was like, okay. And that same thought was kind of repeated through. That whole process, no guilt, like don't be, don't feel bad, don't feel like you owe people anything. This is what the family of God is about. And if the family of God steps up and wants to care for somebody who's hurting and needs care, who am I to say, no, you can't care for me.
I have this, I don't have this, and I don't have the energy to fight you on [00:12:00] it, so I'm just gonna lean into it. So the way that the. The church just kind of like, and the global church, I mean, these are people from all over the world. People that are connected. Friends of friends. Not only did they. Carlos set up he just posted my Venmo on his story and people went crazy with it.
And the money that came in was enough that it protected our savings account so we could buy a house. And we basically lived off of the Venmo money that they gave us, never touching our savings account. But neither Zach or I were able to work because I was in the hospital three times a week and we were going back and forth from New York.
So the church sustained us financially and they sustain. Spiritually we weren't able to pray. We couldn't even like, form words to pray. Our prayers were groans and tears, and I, I think I probably barely prayed more than just, please. That was, that was the prayer of my soul. So the church surrounded us with prayer.
They surrounded us with meals. They helped us find a house. They watched our kids. I mean, it was [00:13:00] just this, like, I don't even remember half of it. Sometimes my kids will tell, tell me something like, yeah, remember when you were in the hospital and we. With so and so. I'm like, I don't remember any of that cuz trauma kind of like blocks things out.
So I'm still finding out now, it's been a year and a half since they were born, how much the church really did surround us, not expecting anything else. So I don't, I don't know. If I could like list all of the things that I learned about God and like I learned that God is like this or like this is like this, but I can tell you that I felt God super close through the family of God and I felt loved and held in a way that I didn't really know was accessible to me.
Cause I'm just like little, little Kristen like, who am I to receive all of this? And I, I learned. To receive and to be thankful and to not feel like, okay, well, because I received this blessing, now I owe and I have to give, give, give, give, give, give, give. There will be a time where we're in a season of giving again, but up until, you know, recently it's [00:14:00] been, we just need to receive and let the family of God take care of us in the way that they're called to take care of us, to take care of each other.
Tony: Yeah, there's, there's interesting kind of like church culture. Receiving versus giving about how hard it is to receive. And yet, yeah. I'm always thinking about John 13 and Jesus washing the disciples feet. And I, I've, I've been to a couple of places where that, where, where they do that. And the church I'm at now does that once a quarter and it's a super, it's much harder to let someone wash my feet than it is for me to wash.
Yeah. Someone. Feet. How, how do you, how'd you talk to your kids, your older kids, through all of that and, and kind of your forming and as you form their.
Kristen: I, that's one of those things that I don't really remember how we talked to them about it because we kind of were trying to protect them from what was actually happening.
They never really knew that the girls' lives were in danger. We would always just say, it's really hard to bring two babies into the world. [00:15:00] So we're getting a lot of help right now because we didn't wanna scare them and make them worry until we knew what was gonna happen. So our conversations with them were more like, we just need to pray.
Everything's gonna be okay, and these people are helping us bring the babies into the world. We had friends that basically parented them for the three or four months that it was, that we were in this crisis. I mean, I. I don't even know. They had four kids of their own and took our three kids and were their, literally their mom and dad while we were trying to figure all of this out.
And wow, our kids understood that that's, that's what family does. And people that weren't really in our lives before became like family to us. And I don't know that we've made a lesson out of it with them except. They've just learn learning by receiving and experiencing this. I think they, they've just learned that this is what the family of God does for each other.
Tony: So in this last year, you've really gotten back to more of your, [00:16:00] your work as a writer and that process how does it feel to be back working? You've got the twins. You got all the kids, you got a house, you got, yeah. How's, how's your, so how's your soul in the midst of all this?
Kristen: I'm a real grown up now
It's been great. It's been, writing has always been something that's cathartic for me, and it's something that's, that I'm good at and that helps me feel like myself. So there's been, I mean, I've written so much stuff this year, not with writing a book, but just like written more this year than I have ever, I think, and it's, it's been like reconnecting with a part of my my spiritual life that I was disconnected from for a while.
Even during 2020, everything I, I was writing was like kind of frantic because everyone was frantic and I'm like, okay, I need to use my, my gifts to like help people calm down and center and think critically. And then now it's getting back more. This kind of spiritual [00:17:00] formation thing that I am gifted at.
So it feels good, it feels right and it's a mix of catharsis for me and Gifts for everybody else. You have to be blessed by all of the words that flow from my hands, , ,
Tony: and, and we are, we are. It's so good. Well, thanks. On, on the gram, I saw that you went on a writing retreat with a group of ladies at Theologians who I respect and, and follow myself.
And one, one of which, Anne Voskamp, who's, you know, basically a writing legend. Yes. Tell, tell us about that experience. What was that like, and and how important was that for
Kristen: you? It was like, well, I wasn't expecting it, even though Felicia Mason Heimer is the one who organized the retreat and she's friends with Anne.
Even though she told us, oh, we're gonna go to this bookstore, Anne's doing just happens. Be doing a book signing and speaking tonight, so we're gonna go meet her. It didn't really register and I had that meeting Ann Vos camp. Like what? So we got into the bookstore and she's just as like, you know, she writes [00:18:00] very flowery and poetically and she just kind of is like, this is, whenever I describe Ann Voskamp, I do this because she's just so flowy in her.
She's exactly like that in person. Such a beautiful person. She's so emotive and kind. And we talked in the bookstore for a couple minutes and somebody decided to embarrass me and say, I just got a book deal. And she was like, oh, I'm so excited for you. And she took my hand in both of her hands and I'm like, beat red.
Like, oh my , please don't pay attention to me. I just wanna like fall into these bookshelves right now. But then later that night, Folk. There was a CS Lewis Festival happening. This was in Petoskey, Michigan, where they do this CS Lewis Festival every year. And she was speaking and then afterwards she came up to me and she's like, make sure you tell me about your deal with Tindale.
I want to hear all about it. So she remembered this random fam girl that she met in a bookstore. She remembered this little detail of my life and I was like, you know what? It's really refreshing to meet someone who's at her [00:19:00] level. Skill and that her level of celebrity that is actually really personable and kind.
Yeah. Relational and everything that she is in her books. She actually, I mean obviously I don't know her, but meeting her those few minutes I was like, man, this is like, I wanna be like this. I want people to feel good when they meet me.
Tony: Talk to me a little about the community of writers that you were with.
It looked like a lot of fun, right? Like it's, yeah. I, I followed Felicia for years, but then, you know, a lot of the other writers there I didn't know. So I was kind of Instagram snooping around cuz I'm always looking for good theological voices. I just think it's important to have a diverse diet of that.
Mm-hmm. . So what was it like to get together and, and do that pro? Did you guys just get together? Individually, collectively? Or how did that work?
Kristen: Well, I didn't know any of them either except for Felicia and one other girl. I kind of knew sort of, but I felt like the odd one out because I thought that they all knew each other.
And I'm like, I don't know. I just, I'm such an introvert. I get so [00:20:00] weird with stuff like that. So I was really nervous about it. But it was really good. We kind of. Encouraged each other, talked about different ideas and kind of like agitated each other's brains with the different projects that we were working on.
And prayed for each other. We had one morning where we just prayed and if anyone felt like the Lord was saying anything, we spoke it to each other and everyone cried. Of course, get a bunch of women together. We're gonna cry and it's gonna be great. But we had one day where we sat and wrote, and I just was like, you guys are all writing fun things.
And I'm writing about suffering. Like, I'm just gonna go get in the kayak . I'm just not, I'm not doing this. I can't get into a place where I can write about this stuff right now. But it was great. I felt so encouraged. Excited and way more confident about what I'm doing than I did before because I had these women like hyping me up, which I think is really important for anybody who does any kind of public work.
It's nice to have people in your corner encouraging you.
Tony: I, I am curious about how you carry the weight of the stuff that [00:21:00] you have to write about or that you choose to write about. You don't have to, but Yeah. Like, it, it seems like you, you just, there's a, you're, you're helping people through. , somewhat dark places.
Mm-hmm. , how does that how do you, how do you keep yourself from being. You know overburdened with that, what's the, what's the, the pro the process for you like to stay healthy and, and joyful?
Kristen: Well, sometimes I, I am just gonna be heavy and I think that's just the nature of the work that I do. But boundaries have been really helpful.
It's not so much the stuff that I've been writing when I write about myself and the things that I've gone through, those things are really difficult for me to get out of. So sometimes I'll stop writing and go take a nap, or I'll play music or I'll watch a show or something that's gonna kind of get me out of that space.
But the things that make me feel heaviest. And the relational aspect of what I do are the messages that I get from people who don't have anybody [00:22:00] else who will listen to them or feel like they don't have anybody who will listen to them and that they can be honest with because the things that they are thinking and feeling about faith, about God, about their situation are, are not pretty and they're not theologically confident.
And so those things can make me feel heavy because. I can't help them as much as I would like to from a distance because I don't know them, and I'm not their pastor. I'm not their counselor, and I, I feel like incapable sometimes and those things feel really heavy. So creating boundaries online with the messages that I can respond to and how many I respond to and how often.
I will talk about the things that I talk about. Anytime I talk about something heavy online, it's very rarely something that happens in the moment. I've thought about it and I've prepared myself emotionally for. What it's probably gonna feel like to put it out in the world and the anxiety of like, how are people gonna receive this?
And preparing myself for what the comment sections are gonna be, or what the [00:23:00] dms are gonna be if people are gonna get mad. So over the years, I've kind of learned how to protect myself and then how to recognize that I need to pull back. And then I go into my, okay, I gotta watch a show, gotta go for a walk.
Let's go get Chick-fil-A. Something that just kind of like pulls me out. Hey guys,
Tony: just pausing this conversation with Kristen to remind you to. Save the date for the Spirit and Truth Conference. The Spirit and Truth Conference is hosted here in Dayton, Ohio, March 9th through 11th, and it is gonna be a fresh breath of life and the Holy Spirit, I think you're really gonna enjoy it.
I'll be there. Matt Reynolds will be there. Maggie Elmer and the Winchester, the whole spirit and truth team. Plus some incredible speakers like Kim Moss and Marion Hayes. It's just gonna be a powerhouse group of people who want to help you move closer to Jesus. And because you're part of the podcast family, we have a a [00:24:00] code for you.
That's right. If you wanna save some cash on your registration, go to the Spirit and truth.life/conference sign up and as you check out, put in the word podcast to save $30 off your registration podcast to serve. Save $30 off your registration. It's a great deal. It's not that expensive. I wanna see you there, so let me know that you're coming.
Tweet me, find me on Instagram at twel. Now let's finish up this conversation with. I think that's really wise. Let's talk about this latest resource. It's an advent reflections for hearts and crisis, and I, I want to get into all the details about it. But first I thought maybe it would be wise that if we define what Advent is for maybe somebody who's listening who doesn't come from a liturgical background.
I grew Catholic and then went Methodist. So for me, advents a way of life and I love it. But could you kind of give us a background? What Advent is and why we need it, or do
Kristen: we need it? Sure. I mean, you'd probably have better language than I [00:25:00] do cause I didn't grow up in a liturgical background and I didn't know what Advent was until I was in my late twenties.
And I got out of the denomination that I was in that didn't honor Advent except like, let's light the Advent w Reef. But it was never like a surgical thing. And it was only I, I'd had a miscarriage in 2019 and a friend had told me about Advent, and that's when it became more of a important thing to me and something that I'm still learning to incorporate in my life.
This is actually the first year that we're gonna go through. The advent with our kids. We haven't done that before, but Advent is a part of the little liturgical church calendar, and it lasts from, well, you can correct me if I'm, I'm wrong with the Sunday after Thanksgiving until the Sunday before Christmas or after Christmas.
It's. 25 days or something like that. And it's advent means coming and it's preparing your heart for the coming of Christ. So I think different churches do it different ways, and some people do reflections. Some people do prayers. Some people have Advent programs that [00:26:00] they're a part of. But it's just a way to prepare your heart for the coming of Christ.
Tony: Yeah, I always say that the Liturgical calendar is designed to be a tool in discipleship to help us for seasons of life, and acknowledging that sometimes we don't often that without some intentionality, we don't go into those seasons very well. So Advent is really a, you know, like you said, it's a tool to help us go into that season.
So I think that that makes a lot of sense. You, you start off the devotional being very vulnerable about that loss in 2019. How, how, and you mentioned in there that Christmas is one of your favorite holidays and still is mm-hmm. . But there's also a ton of grief. Yeah. How, how do you hold the grief and the joy intention together?
Kristen: I think that's the. The general juxtaposition of life with Christ is that we get to hold the amen, the joy together, and we can grieve [00:27:00] for what we've lost here while hoping that we will have it restored to us in heaven. And that's, I think the coming of Christ at Christmas is such a beautiful reminder.
And I talk about this in the ad, in the Advent book too, that he's come, but he's also coming. So we have the hope that he's come. He came as Messiah, but he is also coming again and he's gonna restore and repair. What we lost and what the, the brokenness of the world has brought into our lives. And I think being able to be okay with holding those, not in separate hands, but in the same hands together and flow freely from grief and joy.
We don't have to compartmentalize our emotions. We can hold them both in the same hands and feel them at the same time. Sometimes
Tony: you were not working on this project, this project was not on your radar. You were working on a book and you felt a nudge. Yeah. How did you know it was like from God, like, Hey, I need to get this out into the world.
Pause what? Everything else I'm doing so [00:28:00] I could crank out this 80 some odd page advent devotional real quick.
Kristen: Well, it's so funny, an angel came and stood in my room. I'm just kidding. .
Tony: That would've been
Kristen: amazing. No, it was just, it was an idea that I had and. I, it was just gnawing at me and usually when something's gnawing at me, I will start working on it and if I get bored, I just stop and say, okay, this is just a distraction.
But I just fell into it and couldn't stop writing and I wrote the whole thing in maybe three weeks, which is wow. Pretty, pretty fast to write something like this because I also did a historical, a lot of historical research on it, and I incorporated a lot of. I mean, not a lot, but like a few creative elements in the writing of it, which is not something that I've done before.
But it felt good and it felt right, and it's out in the world now. I, I never got a word from the Lord about it, but I got a nudge and I followed the nudge. So [00:29:00] hopefully, hopefully I didn't do anything that God was like, I not to do that. I did not write this on the wall. Sorry. .
Tony: One of the things I love about it is at the beginning of each chapter give a narrative of scripture in your own words.
Mm-hmm. . Tell us about that process. I, I, I, it's actually, it's one of my favorite parts of the whole thing, just so you know. Mine too. Tell, tell us about that
Kristen: process that's kind of giving you an inside look of how I read and process scripture now is I have so. Knowledge in my brain and research in my brain from all the different projects that I've worked on, that when I read scripture now I kind of retell it to myself with the things that I've learned and I try to picture where the people are and, and how long did the journey take from Mary to go from where she was to Elizabeth's house?
I like to have. I don't know if it's nerdy of me, but I like to have the, the [00:30:00] visuals and the timelines cause I wanna understand what they saw, what they smelled, how they felt, because it makes me feel more connected to the story. So that's really just how I tell the story in my head, or how I'll tell the stories to my kids when we're like talking about different scriptures.
Different narratives of the Bible. I retell it and I try to pull in elements of the Hebrew storytelling and, you know, I try to make it as dorky as possible because that's, I'm just, I'm creative and so I have to , creative people have to create, and I had to be really, I was nervous to do that because I know some people are very, Protective over scripture only being scripture.
And so I, I made sure at the beginning I said, this isn't supposed to be like a literal translation. This is just like a creative interpretation to help you feel the story more.
Tony: Yeah, no, I thought it was very tastefully done. And you, you allude to scripture at the end of every chapter too. You tell us what to read from the actual Bible, right?
So you're not making [00:31:00] any, there's no assumptions here. Like, Hey, this isn't the Bible. Right. You know, you should go read scripture. Yeah. I, I did have a question for you because I. The Hebrew word for Messiah you talk about in here. Could you just say it for me so that I could get it right in my head?
I
Kristen: can't say it. I tried. Dang it. I was really hoping you, but you can, like, you can Google it and it will like, say it to you if, like, how do you say? I, I don't even want it. Cause it, they have like the, you know, like the,
Tony: it's like a ha micha. Yeah, right? You guys? Yeah. It, it's spelled h a hyphen, m a s h i A C h.
For those, for those who are listening, I, and I probably said that too fast and you're not gonna understand anyway, but if you buy a copy of the book, you'll see it. It's, it's right, it's right out the gate. Mm-hmm. , you use that Hebrew word for Messiah. And I was reading it and I was thinking to myself, I have no idea how to say this
Kristen: word.
Yeah. me there. I mean, I've heard it, I can hear it in my head, but I can't, I can't vocalize. . [00:32:00]
Tony: So one of the things that I get the sense as I was looking through the writing is that you had someone in mind when you wrote it. Mm-hmm. . Could you tell me about that process and, and who that was? Like who is this, who's this for?
Kristen: I was, I always, that's interesting that you said that cuz I always have somebody in mind that I'm thinking of, or, or a characterization of somebody and I was thinking of people who. Carrying so much hurt that they're not even sure they believe the story anymore. And I tried to write toward. Them for towards people who aren't sure they believe that Jesus ever came and they aren't sure that it was a good thing that he came or that he's capable of.
Good. And I, I tried to hold the balance of people who aren't sure that they believe the story with respecting the liturgical and orthodox nature of advent and what advent. Which was really , which was really hard to do. Cause when you're thinking of people who don't, aren't sure they believe this story, you're not sure how much [00:33:00] language they're gonna be comfortable with, how much Christian language they're gonna be comfortable with.
So I tried to, to tow the balance between these creative elements honoring the, the orthodox nature of advent and thinking about people who aren't sure if they believe it anymore.
Tony: And then you added an extra part, which I will admit that I haven't dove into yet. But it's a Spotify playlist. Yeah. Tell me about that process.
Cause you, I mean, you've got artists from all over, from Shane and Shane to King and Country. Like you've kind of Yeah. Like you, you've kind of gone the gamut. They're all Christmasy songs. Yes. Right. Like it's super intentional. What, what have, first of all, have you ever done anything like this before and what was it like, what was this like to access that part of your
Kristen: brain?
That again, that's just the way that I write and the way that I study. Anytime I write something. Just assume that I have a playlist that I've been listening to and feeling inspired by. This is just the first time that I've incorporated a playlist into my writing, but it, it was so much fun to try to like find these [00:34:00] songs that are not traditionally sung in church, or maybe you wouldn't even know that these songs existed.
Like there's a song on there. Called Simian song. That's from SIM's perspective of when he was in the temple and he saw Jesus walk in with his parents and he was like, okay, God, you can take me now. You've fulfilled your promise to me. I've seen the Messiah. There's a whole song about that, and that's not something.
It's really common. At least I've never heard songs like that. So I wanted to, to pull those pieces in to help kind of complete the creative experience of reading these stories in a creative way and pulling things out of you through the reflection questions, and then having a song to sit back and listen and kind of internalize what that reflection is about.
Through music, of course, people don't have to listen to the music. Some people don't like listening to music, and that's fine, but I think it kind of completes the experience of each reflection. Mm.
Tony: I I ordered the hard copy and I'm waiting for it to get here before I access the playlist. So you, you also, you designed the cover yourself as well.
Is that correct? And format. And [00:35:00] so you base, you formatted the whole, you did all of this yourself. What was that? Was it, was this just become like a labor of love? Does Zach think you're crazy? Like what, what?
Kristen: Yeah, yeah. All of those things. I hate the pro, I don't mind the designing process. I hate the formatting process cuz that takes the longest amount of time and I never get a perfect, so there's always gonna be a spelling error.
There's always gonna be like some weird formatting thing, or double page numbers because you look at it so many. That you start to, things start to become invisible. So this was like, that was a headache to do, but , but I wanted, I wanted it to be physical because I feel like it, the experience is best if you can hold it in your book and you can journal in the pages and in the margin.
Mm-hmm. . So it was a labor of love. Indeed. And I hope people. Do love it .
Tony: How, how did you decide what quotes to put on the, cuz on the, on the pages, right? On certain pages there are, are kind of called out quotes or mm-hmm. lines. How did you decide what is, was [00:36:00] that spirit led or was this like this is what's gotta go out there?
Kristen: Or both Pulling out all of the self-serving aspects of my book, , all of those are things that as I was reading them back over, I thought, oh, that's, That was a good profound thing that I said there. That's making the call out page
Tony: I listen, I really enjoy the creative process, so if no one else is enjoying this interview, I'm loving it
Kristen: so Well, there you go. Secrets out. Actually, when in the process of, of writing the book that I'm writing, my editor mentioned call. Which that's what they're called. Call is call outs. And she's like, you know, as you're writing, if you find anything that you think will be call outs, you know, just set 'em aside.
And as I'm doing that, I'm like, man, this is so self-serving. Be like, wow, this thing that I wrote is so great. It deserves to be called out. But. That's how it goes, I
Tony: guess. But, but sometimes you know that that's from God, right? Like that's from God alone. Yeah. Like you didn't do that on your own. Yeah. So like, I, I don't [00:37:00] know.
I God has clearly given you a gift with words. If you don't, if you don't acknowledge that it's a gift, then that feels almost selfish to me. Right? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. As you as as this book now we're at, as this podcast released, we're a week away from Advent. There's still gonna be time for people to order it.
Well, what's your prayer for the people who read this book, as you think about the the, the families who are gonna kind of circle around this, or the individuals who are gonna kind of carry this into their hearts, what's the prayer that we can pray with you for? Peace of literature.
Kristen: I just want people who are hurting to feel like they have a place in the story and that they're seen and they're heard, and they're held by, by the family of God and by Christ himself is.
I think Christmas is just can be such a heavy time and such a sad time for people who are carrying heavy things and I come from. [00:38:00] The privilege of having a lot of people in my life that I can lean on and that won't let me be alone. Even if I wanted to be alone for a long period of time. They're gonna interrupt my day with a text message or a call or something like that.
But I've learned in the last couple years that there are a lot of people who don't have that at all. And Christmas can feel especially lonely. And especially heavy. And some people have have people in their lives that just don't care about them in that way or care for them in that way. And so I hope that they can see elements of themselves and elements of this story and feel like, well, Jesus cared about that part of that person's story.
He probably cares about my story as well.
Tony: Amen. Amen. I think I think our, our podcast family here will stand alongside you and pray that, cuz I think. It's important. A lot of people can get lost in Christmas. Yeah. And it's good, it's good for us to, to remind them that there's a place for him here. So, yeah.
Can you tease the manuscript that you're working on? Are you allowed to talk about it at all? Oh, I don't
Kristen: know. [00:39:00] I could tell you that I finished.
Tony: Well, could you tell us kind of just overarching, what's it about? You don't have to give away any thoughts
Kristen: or anything. It's, it's a, a few different elements of the terrible things that I've gone through and what I've learned about suffering and how our theology of suffering, what our theology of suffering is when we enter suffering, really affects the way that we experience it and the way that our faith is.
Throughout it. So it's many elements of the story of what happened with our girls. Things that I haven't really talked about before. But around the theme of suffering and what that means in our. . So, you know, super light, fun, .
Tony: Well, listen, I subscribe to your SubT stack as well, so I know that I know that you've been processing a lot of that.
You can kind of sense Yeah. Like just some of your theology as you're kind of figuring it all out. Mm-hmm. in the SubT stack as well, so Yeah. . I, now, I know my listeners are gonna want to make sure that they don't miss when that book is gonna drop. [00:40:00] So where's the, where's the best place online to learn all things?
Kristen?
Kristen: My Instagram is where I post everything. Eventually the sub stack sometimes gets it first, but Instagram is the more public and easily accessible thing.
Tony: And they can pick up their order of the Advent devotional@kristenLaValleylley.com.
Kristen: Yep. There's a PDF version, and then you can order a physical copy.
Tony: Awesome. Awesome. Okay, last question. I always love to ask people. It's an advice question where you go back and give yourself one piece of advice, except I get to name the season of life that you're in. Okay. And I wanna take you back to in 2019 when when you found out you were expecting mm-hmm.
Before that journey took a lot of twists and turns and in the midst of a lot of really weird, it seems like a really weird [00:41:00] life circumstance. If you could go back to that younger version of Christian, which isn't really that long ago, but feels like a lifetime ago, I'm sure. If you could pull up a chair and sit, need a knee with her, look her in the eyes, what's the one thing you're telling that young woman
Kristen: another super light question to mm-hmm.
I guess, I think I would just tell her to, to feel it all and to not feel. I, I need to protect everybody else from feeling what I'm feeling and to just let, if people want to love me through empathy and feeling what I'm feeling, to let them love me and not feel like I have to be like, oh, it's okay. You don't have to be sad.
They can be sad and it's a beautiful thing for people to be sad together or.
Tony: Amen. Amen. Kristin, thank you so much for for your willingness to come back on and for all the writing and just for your voice in our community. Thank you. I [00:42:00] just really enjoy her voice for the church. I think Kristen is one of those leaders that we need to pay attention to, and she represents an entire generation of people.
So hope you enjoyed it. If you did, do me a favor, share this episode with a friend, maybe somebody who you know. Needs a little intentional nudge this advent season. Go pick up a copy of Kristen's book. Let her know that you heard her here on the podcast. I deeply appreciate it. Guys, I'm super thankful for you.
I hope you have a wonderful family, rich Thanksgiving. And remember, if you wanna follow Jesus, you must be willing to move.
