#181: Jaime Villalovos: Happy & Strong
Jaime is one of the most inspirational people that I've met in a long time. She's a powerhouse. She's got energy on energy, on energy, and she's got a brand new resource out called happy and strong. In this resource, she talks about what it means to put family first over your business.
Links:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/happyandstrongjaimev
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jaime.villalovos/?hl=en
Twitter: https://twitter.com/jvillalovos
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYml5arLysCPF02R0nPq2sA
Websites: https://happyandstrong.com/
EP. 181
Tony: [00:00:00] Hey everybody. Welcome back to the reclamation podcast, where our goal is to help you reclaim good practices for following Jesus. Today is episode 180 1, where I sit down with entrepreneur, author and philanthropists. Jaime Villalovos. Jaime is one of the. Inspirational people that I've met in a long time.
She's a powerhouse. She's got energy on energy, on energy, and she's got a brand new resource out called happy and strong in this resource. She talks about what it means to put family first over your business. She talks about the tension of work and home. Some really, really good stuff here. I think you're really gonna enjoy this conversation.
Jaime has just got a heart for the Lord and she wants you to know that there's more out there than just work. So, Hey, if you like this conversation with Jaime, do me a favor, hit that subscribe [00:01:00] button, wherever you listen to podcast, leave a rating, a review on iTunes or Spotify, and be sure to share this episode with a friend.
It's the highest compliment you can give us. I'm thankful for each and every one of you. Now let's jump into this conversation with Jaime. Hey everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm excited today to have, uh, Jaime here with us and her new resource, happy and strong. Jaime, thank you so much for being here today.
Jaime: Thank you. I'm a, it's a pleasure. I'm excited to be on.
Tony: well, one of the things I always like to jump in with is kind of this macro idea of calling and, uh, you've done a lot of different things in your life. You've been wildly successful at this season of your life. How would you describe the calling that God has placed on you?
You know,
Jaime: I like, I've been an entrepreneur for 23 years and very successful. And, and then, you know, over the last probably five years been teaching a lot of people, how to. You know, be successful or leadership skills or entrepreneurship skills. But what I found myself [00:02:00] most passionate about teaching was to show them how to pursue their dreams, but be able to put their faith first, put their family first.
Mm. And so I was doing that. And then during C. uh, when, when the pandemic hit, I started doing like free, uh, zoom classes for mental wellness and again, balance putting faith first. And, um, I never honestly wanted to write a book, but people have asked me over the last probably seven years to write books with them or just to write books in general.
And I just always seemed like a big distraction and I had too much on my plate and never had the desire to do it, but I just felt during that time that everyone. Was in their own little form of depression and having more anxiety and unhappiness than ever. And so the spirit kept telling me to write this book and I kept saying, no, thanks.
You know, find someone else not gonna do it. and just did not want to. And I was journaling one day and thought, well, if I was to [00:03:00] write it, you know, kind of what would it, how would it look and what would would it be about? And as soon as I let my mind agree to do. all of these people came to my aid, John Maxwell and wonderful people that helped me and actually writing the book was very SIM.
It was very easy. I actually only took 60 days because I felt like the spirit was there the whole time. And, um, I don't know. I just felt, again, this huge sense of, uh, over overwhelming unhappiness for so many people. And if I had the cure for COVID, I would, I would give it to people and if I had the solution to, you know, to some people's, you know, unhappiness or having more joy, more fulfillment, more balance, more time with their family and less overwhelmed and stress and anxiety, then I wanna give that cure too.
So, uh, so I sat down during that time during the pandemic. It was funny, cuz like I said, all these wonderful people came to help, but also my mom called and said, Hey, you know, I'm bored during this, this quarantine. And I wanna come out and see the kids. And if you have any new projects you wanna take [00:04:00] on I'll, I'll do the pickups, the drop offs from the cooking.
And I said, that sounds great. John and done together. Yeah. So it all came, you know, came together. But. For me right now. Um, the book is just a very small piece of a bigger vision. Uh, you know, for me, I, I, I love again, teaching people how to find that fulfillment, that joy, how to be able to put their faith, their family, their wellness first.
Um, but really what I love to do in all my businesses is to build leaders. And I just believe that if I can equip people with leadership skills, and also help. 'em how to, you know, to be more successful and have more money when you have money and you have leadership skills, you can change the world, you can change your world.
Hmm. There's a lot of people about, you know, that are passionate about a lot of causes and charities, but they don't have leadership skills and they don't have a lot of money. And so it's not, they're not gonna get very far. In, um, helping that cause along. And so for me, I try to teach people [00:05:00] again how to pursue their dreams and, and have that balance and wellness, but also the leadership skills and how to, to make more money.
And then most importantly, just light that little fire of philanthropy. And I don't know, you, you may be passionate. One thing and, and I'm maybe passionate about another, uh, maybe one person's passionate about helping kids with autism. And another one might be passionate about helping in the child, the child's sex trafficking thing that's happening right now, but, uh, whatever it is for you again, I just wanna kind of equip you with those skills and, um, and, uh, the, again, that desire to, to make it.
Tony: So in, in, in the scope of your career, 23 years, obviously you and your husband are, are, have been super successful as entrepreneurs. When did you realize that balance or thinking about your family first was super important. Was there kind of this yeah. Uh, climax moment where it's like, oh my gosh. Like if I don't deal with this, I'm not gonna have a family left.[00:06:00]
Jaime: Yeah. Well, there's a few defining moments actually. Back when I was in corporate America. And I was working long hours as a young single, you know, no kids yet. Sure. Uh, I, I looked at all my co-managers and all my supervisors who had been at that company years longer than I had. And I just thought there's no light at the end of this tunnel.
They still don't have control of their time. They have no time with their kids. And so I really wanted to have. A business. I wanted to have where I control my time. I call the shots. I don't have a boss that has his thumb on me, and I'm not at the control of the economy. And, and those types of pressures.
So I was looking, you know, for, for something, but I was young and I was 22. I hadn't finished college. So I really didn't know what, what I wanted to do. Luckily, I met a lady at the gym who had just had a baby and, and I was helping her with kind of, she was new to the gym and I was showing her around and she introduced me to her husband.
And that's where I got involved in my first business, in the financial industry. Uh, but even though, you know, [00:07:00] again, that was my goal. To be able to find something that, you know, faith and family came first and I had control and I had balance, I still got caught up in growing my company and burning the candle at both ends and was super focused on, um, growing me as a person, but then really also serving others, the people that I had stewardship over in, in, uh, leadership capacity.
So it seemed like. I would put everybody else first. I would put all the people that I mentored, coached everyone in my company, all my employees, all my associates, all the stuff that was like putting out the fire. All came first. And then of course the kids and any of their needs, if something is going on with one of your kids, you know, all of course, all your attention goes there.
My poor husband got what little was left over and then who got it last was me. There was nothing left. And so you can only go so far pouring into others and, you know, pursuing your passion and building your business and your. you can't pour [00:08:00] into to others when there's nothing left. And, and so I realized, cuz I got sick, I got a, um, they said I had an autoimmune disease.
That was incurable. They called it. Lupu. luckily I had been an entrepreneur long enough and a ground amazing mentors and coaches, and worked on my mental toughness long enough to not just take that for, get on this pill for the rest of your life. And you can't have kids anymore and it's gonna ruin your eyes and just, they were negative.
You know what I mean? Sure. And I thought, well, I know that the mind is a very powerful thing and I know that, um, I can't just put my trust in man, that I have to put my trust in God. And so through prayer and just kind of trusting in him, he led me to the right books and the right people. And, uh, I slowly through diet and different things that I adjusted, uh, and reducing stress, toxins and things, um, slowly cured myself of this incur.
Supposedly incurable disease. I've been autoimmune free for [00:09:00] 11 years, but wow. Honestly, I believe that it, it was, it was a very hard thing. It was probably the hardest thing that my husband and I went through. I couldn't even walk up the stairs in my home. Sometimes I remember laying on my couch downstairs and hearing my two oldest kids.
They were pretty young at the time, arguing about a toy. And just in tears thinking I'm such a bad mom, I can't even get off this couch right now. I can't even go up this stairs right now because my muscles would fatigue so fast. And then in that 18 months of curing myself, it got way worse before I got better.
My, my eyes were sunken in and dark. My bones were sticking out. I lost about 30 more pounds. I was a skeleton. It was, it was horrible, but, um, but it was worth it, like I said, and, and, uh, I just believe that every adversity, even the hardest ones, even the really tough ones are, are sometimes that they're a gift.
And Emily father G he probably told me to slow down. He probably told me to to put my focus in my balance, my balance, you, I probably just wasn't listening. And [00:10:00] so sometimes he is got. You know, give you a lesson that is gonna help you to make changes that are gonna be better long term for you and for your happiness, your joy, and for, of course, your relationships with your, your, your most precious priorities, right?
Yeah, my family, my kids, my, my husband. And so, because of that hard thing, um, I learned. To balance more. I had already kind of thought I was good at it, but you know, I, I really wasn't. I was running through the drive throughs being between appointments and not taking care of myself. Like I said, everybody else came first.
Now I learned to take care of me, take care of my mental wellness, take care of my physical wellness first. And so at first I thought that was so selfish. I should be doing something with the kids, or I should be doing something with my business, but now I take care of me and I don't burn out. I don't.
Yeah. I, you know, I don't have. Overwhelm and that anxiety and that, you know, that I used to have. And, uh, and so it comes me and then next comes my marriage, uh, my [00:11:00] relationship with my heavenly father and my relationship with my husband that has to come next. And, uh, and then of course the kids, the kids would come next and then everything else.
But I just believe if you're not taking, if you're not taking care of you. Sure. You're not gonna be the best mom. You're not gonna be the best wife. You're not gonna be the best dad. You're also not gonna be the best in your work or your business because you're not getting that inspiration. because you're so overwhelmed and you're focused on the problems and you're probably tired and short with people.
And, uh, and so you're not getting the ideas that you need to get to get to your next level as a person and as a, as a leader in business. So, um, so yeah, I, I did have to have some hard lessons to. To really get where I'm at right now. oh,
Tony: one of the things you said there that's really intriguing to me is, uh, you mentioned this idea that you thought you were balanced, but you realized you really weren't.
Yeah. Uh, I'm curious. There's probably somebody listening right now. Who's um, you know, on the treadmill or mowing the [00:12:00] grass and they're thinking, well, I feel balanced. What are some of the checklists that as you're talking to leaders all over the world? Yeah. What are some of the checklists that you kind of like, no.
You're lying to yourself or how, how do we know if we're, if we're really in a good spot or if we're faking the funk?
Jaime: Yeah, I think that a lot of times I thought I was, I thought I was balanced. I mean, I would go to church every Sunday. I was actively had, you know, I was doing teaching Sunday school or doing some type of, you know, responsibility at church.
I was always involved there. I was crushing it in business. I felt like I'm doing my date nights. I'm doing my mommy dates. I'm feeling like I have it all covered. but I was worn out. You know, I was tired. I was feeling stressed when I really shouldn't have been feeling stressed. I was feeling like, oh my gosh, I have so much to do this little feeling of overwhelm.
Um, and then when I would drop the ball, I was hard on myself. I remember one time, um, my, my oldest daughter, she was in like, I dunno, [00:13:00] kindergarten or something. And we went to school and I dropped her off and it was share and tell, show and tell. And it was her share day and I forgot the dumb stuffed animal or whatever.
And I remember leaving there feeling so. Like, I like I'm a bad mom or something because I forgot this dumb stuffed animal. And in reality, that is not gonna change her future or ruin her life or anybody. It's not gonna really affect anything because I forgot a stuffed animal one day. But I felt like when I would drop the ball on little things, little things that I would, um, I would beat myself up.
And so I have my four favorite F words, faith first, right. Faith, family. Fitness and then finance mm-hmm . And if you have those four Fs really in place, and sometimes you, you struggle to balance, obviously there's no such thing as perfect balance. There's gonna be times when we're off, like. Maybe something big is going on in one of your kids' lives or they're having a challenge.
Of course you're tilted that direction. Or if you're going for a big goal in your, in your business or work, you might be tilted a little bit more [00:14:00] towards that direction and that's normal. That's, that's totally normal. Um, but when you have those four things in place through scheduling through, prioritizing through learning these basic simple techniques tools to free yourself up to have more time.
Then the main one comes in the fifth one, which is fulfillment. And so we all know people that are very successful and maybe they're making millions, but they still feel unhappy. They feel unfulfilled. So maybe they're feeling like they are, they are, they're growing in each of those areas. But in the end, they're still not happy.
They're still searching for happiness. I'll tell you right now, we are more unhappy as a nation than we've been in over 50 years. Wow. Again, the re the reason I wrote the book, because all the bad things are on a rise divorce. Huge is on a rise right now. Um, suicide. Teen suicide, uh, the record use of antidepressants [00:15:00] and alcohol abuse and domestic violence and all these things are on a rise.
And, um, so, so it doesn't matter again, if you're feeling successful and you're achieving your goals, you know, you feel like you're doing okay as a parent, but you're still miserable. And so I see a lot of people that right now, especially they'll tell me things like, well, when I get that promotion, I'll be happy.
Or when I, uh, move. Uh, when I move outta California, I'll be happy. Or when I, when I, um, When I get that house or when I get married or when I have a baby or when I get this new job or when I start my own business, finally, I'll be happy. And that's not how it works. Happiness is not a destination that you arrive at.
You have to know how to be happy, where you're at and find joy and fulfillment where you're at. And then when you can do that and you really figure. What you want, what you want, what your dream life is, what you want out of life, what you want for your family, for your kids, for your parents, for yourself, for your spouse and for [00:16:00] great, you know, your great grandkids.
I have a business plan right now that goes a hundred years passed when I pass away. Hmm. And I am more fired up right now about that plan that I've ever been in any of my. Life plans or business plans, because it's all about contribution and my posterity and legacy goals. But again, when you know where you're going, it doesn't matter really where you're at right now.
You know what I mean? You can still find that joy, happiness in the journey.
Tony: so you're raising little humans right now. Yeah. Uh, little ish humans, you know, um, that they're growing up fast. Do how, how do you, how, how are you passing on this mindset to your next generation? Because obviously if, if I'm. You know, kids of, of successful parents oftentimes feel the unspoken pressure that they have to live up to the lives that their parents have.
Right. Like one of my mentors calls at the heat in the room, like the moment a successful person walks in a room, they bring a certain amount of heat. Yeah. Um, how do [00:17:00] you work with your kids to Institute these five Fs and really focus on fulfillment and not living. Following in your steps or in Sean's steps or what does that look like?
Jaime: Yeah. I love that question. Such a good question. You know, I, I have four, I have a, a 16 year old, a 13 year old, a 12 and a and a six or sorry. He just turned seven year old. And here's the thing. I mean, you loved your kids unconditionally. Mm-hmm no matter what, you know, I tell my, my 13 year old, like you could Rob a bank and I'll just be at jail with you.
Like, I'll love you no matter what, like you, there's nothing that you could do. that will make me stop loving you. And I'll love you even more tomorrow than I love you today. And so we'll have our family night meetings and I have heard my husband tell him, like, if you wanna be a garbage man, I will support you in that.
You know, I want as long as you're a happy garbage man, if you love what you do and you feel like you are serving others. So instead of, you know, tying to like pressure them in what we want their path to be, I [00:18:00] want to. You know, heavenly father gives each one of us, our own divine gifts and talents. And so I think as a parent, my job is to help them.
To, to figure out what those talents are and to help develop them. And so I'll help them to, to figure out what those things are. I'll look at, look at things that they're passionate about, things that they're interested in and help them to, to get involved in more things that they can explore those passions.
And, um, and so each of my kids is very, very different. They all have completely different interests, passions. One's a very sporty. Into every single sport, the other one's super engineer, you know, loves tech and, and you know, nerdy stuff. And, you know, and then my other girl, she's like a drama theater, singing arts, you know, so they're all so different and that's okay.
But, uh, as far as how I get them to, to really, uh, hopefully follow those footsteps of at least having the balance and being able to put family first and be happy, I, I, I want them to marry. [00:19:00] And be happy. I want them to find the love of their life. I think so the best thing that I can do, and my husband Sean can do is to show them by example, a happy marriage.
I think that the best thing that a dad can do for his kids is love the love, their mother, and the best thing that a wife can do for her kids is to love their dad. And, um, And so that's what we try to focus on is having the spirit in our home, show them that, you know, we, we, our, our first primary relationship is, you know, we don't care about what the world thinks.
We care about what our heavenly father thinks. Yeah. And that, that we're not trying to impress anybody, but him and that we're serving and everything that we do, every single one of my businesses is, is family oriented and it's service oriented. It's serving others. And so I, I love that. Um, the people that I mentoring coach, I'm trying to, again, build that philanthropist, but in my children as well.
So [00:20:00] we are involved as often as possible in service in the community. Uh, for Christmas, we each pick a service project and we vote on it, you know, whichever cause that they want to, they, they, they do all the research and they present it to the family and we try to, you know, do that. So I think that, um, one of the keys to happiness is focusing on others.
and, um, and so I try to get them to focus on each other, serve one another and serve, you know, um, in the community and, and in other ways. So I think it's just by example, you know what I mean? I, I, if they, if they, one of 'em wants to follow in our footsteps in our business. That's awesome. And if none of 'em do that's okay, too.
Tony: Uh, you mentioned something about family meeting nights. I I'd love to drill down on that a little bit more just for my own, uh, purpose. What, what kind of rhythms do you guys keep for that kind of jazz? You know, in terms of family meeting, now we, we call impromptu family meetings. It's generally. You know, like decide what we're gonna have for dinner or something like that.
This seems like this was a little bit more intentional than [00:21:00] that. It, yeah. But how does that, um, what, what kind of rhythms are you keeping in your life? What does that look
Jaime: like? Yeah. I love that people. The number one question I get asked, I speak all over the place, you know, in big groups, small groups, zoom calls.
And the number one question I get is how do you do it all? How do you balance, you know, having four kids, marriage, business, Multi seven figure businesses. And then all the charity work in the orphanages that you have in third world country. How do you do with all this? And I just have to tell 'em like, I, I don't do it all.
First of all, you know, I there's times that there's a bake thing, you know, I have to make the brownies or the treats for the church thing or for the kids' classroom. And I, you know what I. The grocery store brownies are just as good sometimes, you know, so I don't do all of it, but I do prioritize my priorities.
What are my key roles? My key role is. I mean, I'm a daughter. Mm-hmm, , I'm a mom, I'm a wife, I'm a Sunday school teacher. I'm a business leader. I have all these roles [00:22:00] and I can't, you know, just max out in every single role all the time. So I gotta prioritize my priorities. And honestly, my number one roles are my relationship with my heavenly father, my relationships within my family, as a wife, as a daughter and as a, and as a mom.
And so. Where you spend your time and where you put your priorities, determines where your heart is. Let's be. Yeah, let's be real. So if you don't have regular scheduled time with those people, those roles, those key roles, uh, life's gonna get in the way. Life's gonna get busy. You're gonna go three months and realize, oh, I haven't done a date night with my, with my child.
Hmm. Or my, you know, a mommy date or a, or a, or had a date with your husband or your wife. So what we do is we try to do weekly date nights at a scheduled time. And then we also try to do mommy and daddy dates monthly. but one of the big ones we do is a weekly family night and we do, uh, Sunday night just [00:23:00] because it's easy because typically Sundays, usually just service and church things and family things.
And we're home all day and it's relaxing. It's not all the other chaos of, you know, baseball games and sure. Back to school, back to school nights or dentist appointments or whatever. But we, we have this meeting once a week and, um, someone gives a little lesson each week, sometimes it's me and my husband.
Sometimes it's them. Sometimes my toddler will give the lesson and he's talking about how to make a PA paper airplane or something that he learned in school. But, um, we also. We'll have opening prayer and a closing prayer. And we'll talk as a family council and you know, we'll go over our calendars.
What's coming up. You know, we have this big business meeting that both mom and dad have to be at, but there's also this thing, this maybe baseball game. Um, I'm gonna have your uncle Mimi come and he's gonna watch the baseball game. So it's communication. Yeah. And I'll just tell you guys, I think this is such a huge part.
Having that balance and having that happiness, [00:24:00] because especially as you get into having teenagers, it's a way to monitor attitudes and friends and activity on a weekly basis. And we talk and we talk about, you know, maybe if one of the members of the family needs a little bit of extra prayers, ISNT support this week, or maybe one of 'em wants us to go to his thing and support him.
And, and, uh, and again, I think a lot of parents feel. That again, that pressure of, of not being perfect or maybe they're not doing it right. Or maybe I'm gonna screw up my kids because you know, they missed something or they didn't plan this big old birthday party or whatever. And, um, a lot of times it's just communication.
They'll tell you what they need. Sure. You know what I mean? And so we do the family night. It's, it's fun. Here's the key though. We always do a fun activity and we always do a treat. Treat's the key, like , they're always looking forward to it. So, so we always have a, you know, a special treat on the, the family night and they're always just, again, it's [00:25:00] something that even the teenagers will look forward to.
Sometimes they'll be like, oh, do we have to go this long tonight, mom? But I'll tell you what they retain. They love it. They know that the family's a priority. Um, the other thing that we do is we do, uh, monthly sometimes it's not every month, but we try to do it monthly, uh, interviews. One-on-one interviews with each child.
So it's like we schedule with a client and we, they come in and we meet with them. One-on-one and we talk about like, so tell me about the, your best friends right now. Tell me about, you know, the things that you're having a hard time with at school. Tell me what, what, what you're into right now. Tell me, you know, what, you're kind of have more interest in, maybe learning more about, and then we just talk about.
No, those really those four Fs, you know what I mean? Like, have you been reading your scriptures? Have you been, you know, how's, how's your personal prayer going? It's just stuff like that. And we'll, we'll hit on those things. And sometimes they're like, really dad, do I have to do that? And it's [00:26:00] done by the end, by the end of those interviews every time.
There's a connection made and, and that's the most important they know that they can come to us with, with things.
Hey
Tony: guys, just pause in this conversation with Jaime to remind you that the reclamation podcast is part of the spirit and truth podcast network. We are ministry of spirit and truth. Which is a 5 0 1 C3 designed to help awaken and equip the local church.
We go into churches on the weekends and we work with their leaders and their church families in areas of disciple making evangelism and the holy spirit. If you wanna be a part about what God is doing through spirit and truth, check out our website, spirit and truth.life. Consider becoming a monthly giver and maybe subscribe to our blog where we try to put out good content.
Every single week. Now let's finish up this conversation with Jaime. One of the things we say around here a lot is that if you're not dedicated to your disciplines, you'll be destroyed by your distractions. Absolutely. A [00:27:00] hundred percent. I think that this is just a really good discipline. There's probably also somebody listening right now.
Who's like, oh my gosh, I don't do any of those things. Right. Like, you know, like I just, they're barely keeping their head above water. I'm wondering if you could give that person. Just like the first little baby step, like, okay, I want more balance in my life. I have no balance. I'm drowning in my own lack of organization.
And I feel like a horrible parent, cuz I'm not doing, I haven't interviewed my kids ever. You know, like all those things, right? Like what's the, what's the one word you got for them?
Jaime: You know, it's just simplicity. I would tell you to simplify your life. There's probably too much on your plate. I think as women, especially, but guys too, I coach a lot, a lot of both.
And they usually are just saying yes to things that maybe they don't need to say yes to what can you delegate? What doesn't even need to be there at all? How can you simplify [00:28:00] to streamline your life? I have a course cards called streamline your life in seven days, streamlining the financial areas of your life.
The, the, um, the kids stuff. Just simplify. And you'll find that you probably have more time than you think now, do you have to do all this stuff that I just said? No, but I really would encourage a weekly family night. Again, the kids will look forward to it that you are prioritizing their family. They are, you know, our family knows it's us against the world, not us against each other.
That we are a team. Yeah. You know, we'll do like the hands in things sometimes. V voice. Right. but they know that it's not just something that we say that it's what we prioritize. And I'll tell you, I have a, I have a ADHD kid. I have kids that are bouncing off the walls and jumping around. I'm like, can you just sit still and listen to little lesson?
You know? And so, and I also had toddlers that I would do this with sure. And the lesson can be 10, like five minutes. It doesn't have to. It doesn't have to be anything big. Sometimes my husband will [00:29:00] take him outside and show him how to use a drill or how to change a tire. So sometimes the lesson is like practical life skills that they need.
And other times it's a spiritual lesson. And other times it's like, let's teach you how to clean the windows or, or what, you know what I mean? It's just, or do a load of laundry. Right? Sure. You know, that's how, how do you put laundry in? And so, and then other times, You know, a very deep spiritual lesson or talking about the warnings of pornography or the, you know, social media and the internet, and you know, these other things that are so important for children to be, to be communicating with their parents about right now.
And, but it doesn't have to be long. It really doesn't. Sometimes the, sometimes the family night is us doing the opening prayer. Talking about our schedules this week, getting on the same page there and then sitting on the couch and watching one of our favorite shows together under blankets and just, you know, having some hot cocoa and just, you know, hanging out.
So it doesn't have to be this big, long thing. Don't let, don't let that be a [00:30:00] thing that overwhelms you. You have enough that does that, let this be a thing that you feel. Is bonding and creating, um, peace in your home and relate and, and, you know, bringing strong relationships in your family.
Tony: I, I know that you and your story have experienced a ton of adversity.
Mm-hmm , um, along the way. And I imagine with that as a ton of conflict, do you have any thoughts on, um, Resolving conflict and not just in the home, but also in the workplace. I, I think oftentimes there's a lack of peace because we're afraid to engage in conflict resolution or even just admitting that there's conflict.
Like there's yeah. These some unwritten rules about like, oh, I'm not allowed to be mad or I'm not allowed to have my hurt feelings or all those things. Right. How, how do you handle those, you know, in, in your own life or, you know, when you're working with coaching clients?
Jaime: Yeah. Yeah. I have a lot of people that they have a, I have a hard time with conflict.
They [00:31:00] completely avoid it and it could be nothing, you know, it could be just having a discussion. And so I don't have a problem with conflict because I believe my, my idea around conflict is. Conflict if done the right way in a healthy way, makes things better. Hmm. It makes the workplace better. It makes, uh, your relationship of the person you're leading or the, or your child that you're, you're communicating with.
It makes it better. So I don't, I don't believe in avoiding it. Um, I also don't believe in, uh, and, uh, trying. To dominate somebody or, you know, control have any type of control over somebody like that. You're mentoring that you're coaching or your kids. That's not how I parent, um, so, you know, it's not like do this or else, you know what I mean?
And so, so conflict is more of a discussion and I may not have the same, you know, um, Idea of how to solve a problem as you, we might have different values, even we might have just a completely different [00:32:00] solution to the same problem. But when we have two minds working on a problem is better than one. Yeah.
Three minds, four minds. Now we got a mastermind. Now a whole, a whole new thing is opened up for inspiration. Right? So I, I just believe in, in having open communication and, um, , you know, there are gonna be times that someone is gonna offend you. And so I, my, my philosophy on that is try not to offend, right.
Try not to be offensive, but also just don't be offended. You know, maybe even if offense was intended, I just tried not to take offense. I tried not to be offended because why that's just gonna ruin my day. Why , why, why do I wanna make. More stressed out or more unhappy. So I just don't take offense. I try not to.
It's hard sometimes. Right. But most of the time where you're, where you get offended, it wasn't even a, it meant to be offensive. Sure. It didn't mean to offend you. So why hold a grudge? Um, in [00:33:00] my book, there's a part on forgiveness. I have gone through some adversity. I've had some trials I've had. Uh, where people have intentionally tried to hurt me, steal from me or, um, other things that were hard adversities.
And I just believe that, um, God wants us to forgive. Yeah. It's his job to do the judging, not us. And so he's, he's gonna forgive us, right. Jesus has, uh, made this sacrifice that he made, he died for our sins. He bled from every poor, you know, he suffered so that we can be with God again. Right. So right. But.
It. So he did that for us and he also did it for all those other people that have, are doing these things to us. Right. So let him deal with that. Right. So you just can say, you know, little prayer, Hey, this is on you. You deal with that guy, not me. Right? You, you, you [00:34:00] help him work it out. Um, and I'm just gonna, my job is just to forgive.
And when you do that, it. It doesn't mean you have to be friends with that person. It doesn't mean that you have to hang out with him or, or whatever. All it means is that you forgive and then you can, that makes room for more love and enjoy in your life instead of this unhappiness. And so I think that forgiving, even the hardest things, I've seen miracles, where people were able to forgive someone that.
Offended their child, like, you know, in a really hard way, you know what I mean, abuse of their child, or even the drunk driver that killed a child, you know what I mean? I've seen people forgive in those circumstances and I wonder, wow, that would be so hard to forgive. Um, but again, the forgiveness. Doesn't doesn't do anything necessarily, you know, to them, it could, if they choose to for, you know, to accept that forgiveness, that, and that's a great thing, but it does help me no matter what.[00:35:00]
So, I don't know conflict is something that I just, again, I, I look at as a positive and to say, Hey, let's, let's talk about this. You know, let's, how can I be a better leader to you? How can I be a better mother to you? How can I, uh, how can we work on this problem together to make this better for everyone else around us?
Tony: Uh, I think that's a great mindset. One of the things that I hear a lot in the recovery rooms that I've been in is that I just have to clean up my side of the street, you know, when it comes to forgiveness and even conflict resolution, like, Hey, I, I don't have to make sure that you feel comfortable with the resolution of the conflict.
I just need to, I need to share what's on my heart and I need to be honest and forthright, you know? And yeah, I think we see that example in Jesus being grace and truth, you know, and we live in that tension consistently. Yep. Um, yeah. I'm, I'm curious this, this first book. I, I, uh, I'm guessing it probably won't be your last, um, it's been very well received, you [00:36:00] know?
Uh, I'm sure the publisher's already talking to you about multiple books. Uh, what did you, I, I know you mentioned you wrote it pretty quick, but what did you learn about yourself in the process of writing this? I mean, it's, cuz it's kind of a, um, outpouring of your soul, right? Like this is, this is your passion, your life, and all kind of woven together.
Jaime: Yeah. Well, you know, some of the things that I talked about in the book, I hadn't even talked about to people that are very close to me that I coach and that they've heard a lot of the stories, but they hadn't heard some of these stories. So I, I was surprised that it was as easy as it was to get into some of that stuff.
Mm. Um, I also, you know, my favorite affirmation is the scripture that says I can do all things to Christ who strengthen me. Sure. And again, writing a book was not something that I thought I was gonna do. I thought maybe, you know, much, much later when the kids are off to college and out of my house, maybe, um, memoirs.
Right? [00:37:00] Yeah. I don't know, you know, but, um, But again, I felt like the spirit was there helping me the whole time. So it just kind of reaffirmed. Yeah, this is, you can do all things through Christ. Who's, you know, that if you're, if you're using him, if you're in tune with him and you know, and you're doing it for, um, like you said, his glory, or if you're doing it to, to serve his, to serve his children, you know what I mean?
So I, um, , there was a few stories in there that, you know, some people were kind of upset that I shared and I said, Hey, it's not about you, but it's really not about me either. Yeah. And I'm sorry. And I'm sorry, you know, that, that hurt your feelings a little bit, but, um, it's about the people reading it. It's about them being inspired to say, yeah, I can have more for my family.
I can have, you know, a better quality of life for my children and I can do this hard thing and I can pick myself [00:38:00] back up after this adversity or this pandemic or this, you know, whatever it is that's making you feel the way you're feeling. Right. And even if you're at your lowest point, There's a way out, you know, if I can, I love one of the quotes in the book that it says, if I can crawl out, crawl outta that same hole you're in, then you can too.
Yeah. So let me help you. I've been there. Let me pull you out. So, um, yeah. I don't know. I, that's kind of what I learned is like, Hey, if I can do this, well, then I can do what can, what can I do? I can do it because it's a good thing and it's helping others and it's, uh, it's helping others hopefully to also come into.
Tony: Yeah, I love that. And, and it's like you said, very spirit led. You're not gonna crank a book out like this, unless you're being led by the spirit. So that's, that's obvious. It was
Jaime: I'll clarify. It was the first rough draft in 60 days. I did, I did, um, I had a rule for myself that I couldn't self-edit the whole time.
And I had to write at least 30 minutes a day. That was my only two [00:39:00] rules. But, um, once I
Tony: got that hard, was that hard? Not to self-edit. Yeah.
Jaime: You know, you'd see a typo and you could couldn't I couldn't I didn't wanna, sometimes
Tony: I have a hard time. I. Uh, sometimes I have a hard time moving forward. If I see that, like, especially if I know that I was typing fast and I, I, I mean, I know how to spell that word that's that word's clearly spelled wrong.
Right. So you didn't go back and fix those.
Jaime: No, I just went through, you know, and, and got to the end, but then later I actually did add. Another chapter, the chapter in the middle on leadership was added later. So, um, yeah, that's kind of, it, it, so writing it and getting the feelings on paper and organized was, was, was fairly quick.
And then, uh, it went through that first round of editing and, and then I went through, uh, a thing to make it. So that it'd be, uh, a lower level reading level so that I just wanted anybody to be able to read it and feel like it could connect to it and get through it and put the action steps in place. But then it got to the publisher and went through, you know, several more
Tony: rounds of anything.
Oh, all the heartbreaking, like [00:40:00] changing the words and feeling like your emotions are getting beat up. Yep. Yep. Yep. it's so good. It's so good. Um, I, so I know that my audience loves to pray mm-hmm and as this book is continued to. To do well out in the wilderness. Um, H how can they pray for you and for this resource?
Jaime: You know, I would just, if someone's gonna pray for me, I always say, just pray for my kids. just pray, pray for my kids. Um, you know, you know, always worry about your kids, right. You know, even though I live on 10 acres and they're always running around and you know, I'm not too worried about who's driving by or a car, you know, coming around the corner or anything, but I would say.
I don't know, right. For my kids, as far as the BI the book, um, I want it to touch as many lives as possible, but the book is just a very small piece of a bigger vision. Um, my goal in. in all that I do. I have several businesses and of course the book and stuff, but, [00:41:00] uh, my goal is to build leaders, to equip people with leadership skills.
Mm. And also show them how to be the best versions of themselves and be as successful and reach their dreams. Because I just believe, I believe if people have leadership skills and they have money, they can change their world. And everyone has, you know, different passions D. Charities causes that they mm-hmm would love to be more involved in whether that be tithing more and building God's kingdom, or it could be maybe one person's passionate about helping kids in Africa or another.
One's helping kids with autism or ending sex trafficking, you know, of, of children or, I mean, I, all the stuff I'm so involved in is usually revolving around kids. But, but you know, again, you have these passions, but if I can teach you leadership skills and money, Yeah. Then you can make a difference yeah.
With those things. Right. You could have a great cause that you're passionate about, but you don't have leadership skills and you don't have money that thing's not going really to get very far right off the ground. And so my goal now is to [00:42:00] touch a hundred million lives. Whether that be through the education that we do financially, my team and I, or, you know, helping families that way, or it be through the leadership development that, that I'm doing the happy and strong workshops, which are teaching, you know, how to have the fulfillment, the balance, the, you know, again, have success putting your faith and family first or through this book.
I don't know, but it's to touch a hundred million lives and have the ripple effect, you know, go out that way.
Tony: That's a great prayer. I love it. Um, okay. I have one more question for you, but before I ask it, I know that my listeners are gonna wanna connect with you all over the Innerwebs. Where's the best place to find all things Jaime
Jaime: so happy and strong.com is a great website, uh, that they can, uh, they can connect with me there.
They can actually email me there. I do answer those emails, uh, also, uh, on the, in, on Instagram and Facebook, the happy and strong. Uh, Facebook or, uh, Jaime dot [00:43:00] via Lovo on Instagram. And I'm actually leaving tips constantly on Instagram with, uh, you know, balance, uh, entrepreneurship leadership. That's a great place.
Tony: That's awesome. I love it. Okay, last question. I always love to ask people. It's an advice question, and I'm gonna ask you you to give yourself one piece of advice, except I get to name the, kind of the season of life that you're in. And I wanna take you back, um, to the day after your wedding day. Hmm. Right.
And, and you and your husband have journeyed together now for quite some time. Yeah. So if, if you could pull a chair up in front of that young lady and sit, need a knee with her and look her in the eyes and maybe take her by the hand, what's the one piece of advice you're giving her. I love
Jaime: this question.
Okay. So for many years, my husband and I, we are a great team and we rarely argue or fight, uh, kind of, we, we do a lot of charity philanthropy and the one [00:44:00] argument is like, are we gonna give money to the vets? Are we gonna give money to this children's charity or whatever, but, but we never really, you know, we're a great team, but for years I tried to change my husband.
Hmm. I tried to make him more like me. Right. He's very different than me. And of course all the reasons I fell in love with him, but, you know, I'm just like work, work, work, work, work, and he's like, no work till the fun gets done. Right. So without him, I think our, our household would be much, much more boring, but it would drive me crazy cuz I'd be like, Hey look, I got 10 things done today to your one thing.
Right. And I would try to change him. And you know, all that does is kind of make. You both miserable, you know what I mean? Mm-hmm and so I would tell that younger, you know, newlyw version of myself, like. You know, just appreciate all of his gifts, his talents, everything that he's bringing to the table, because without him, like, honestly, our family wouldn't be the same, like completely different dynamic, um, without his personality and his [00:45:00] fun and his, you know, that he brings to the table, but then every one of our businesses, none of 'em would be where they're at without, you know, that, that.
I don't know, like in that joy, that fun, that, that spirit, yeah. That spirit that he brings. And so instead of trying to change him now, I appreciate. All those gifts, all those talents. But I understand his personality. If it's no, you know, work till the fun gets done, that that's okay. You know, my husband would, I'd ask him to make, let's say these phone calls or do this work and he'd kind of drag his feet or whatever, but if he'd go surfing or if he would go to jujitsu or who he would go do his fun thing in the morning, by the time he gets back, it's already all that work's already done.
Like, you know what I mean? So instead of trying to make him like me and, uh, try to teach him to, to work like I am or have my personality. Um, now I just. I let him go to get that fun. Uh, and I, and I do my me, and he does him. [00:46:00] And again, it's part of that mental wellness thing that I've learned because everyone has different psychological needs to be mentally well mm-hmm he needs, he needs play.
Right. He, so for me, self-care is nothing like what he would do. He, he goes to jujitsu or surf or whatever, to me, that sounds like a nightmare. I don't wanna go do any of that stuff that does not sound fun. No, but I take care of me. He takes care of him. And then we have a common vision for what we want for our family, what we want for our kids, what we want for our home, the spirit in our home, uh, our marriage, our, our parents, all these girls.
So we have a common, like ideal life or vision. Yeah. And so like, for example, we just bought this house in, in Tennessee, in Franklin and it has this. Ridiculously huge like 6,000 square foot barn. If you wanna call it that it's like epoxy floors, beautiful barn, all brand new, and he wants to fill it with all these cars.
I, I could [00:47:00] care less about these old, like muscle cards and whatever he wants to stick in there and fix up cards and stuff does not inspire me whatsoever, but if it makes him happy and I see that light in his eyes of like a new goal that he wants to work. he's happy. I'm happy, right? Yeah. So I put that, that goal of cars in my business plan too.
And so again, it all kind of goes into this common vision of what we want. And so that's, that's what I would tell myself. Like, don't try to change him, you know, it's, it's again, it's us against the world, not us against each other. Stop. Stop the nagging stop. stop the stop, the stop, all that nonsense because it, again, it's not gonna change him.
He's not gonna change. That's who he is. That's what you fell in love with. And, um, instead, um, just get on board with where you're going together. And again, you get each or yo together with different strengths, different gifts that God gave us to go and, and, and, and [00:48:00] make the world a better place.
Tony: So good, so many great nuggets in there.
It's that's that whole answer might be worth the, the, the price of admission on this interview. So many good nuggets for spouses. So I hope, hope you're listening and hope you're taking notes. Jaime, thank you so much for being so generous with your time today. Thank you for your heart and for this resource.
Um, I, I look forward to continuing to stay connected and, uh, can't wait to see what God does through this book.
Jaime: Me too. Thank you so much for having me on, man.
Tony: I hope you guys enjoyed that as much as I did. I love her heart. I love her intensity. Uh, somebody who can match my intensity. I love just the way that she thinks about work and home and putting 'em all together.
Such good stuff. Go follow Jaime on socials. I love to follow her on Instagram. She putting out good content. All the time, let her know that you heard her here on the reclamation podcast. Maybe consider picking up a copy of her book. So many good nuggets in there. And Hey, I'm thankful for you guys. Thanks for being here on the journey.
Thanks for being part of our [00:49:00] community. And remember guys, if you wanna follow Jesus, you must be willing to move.
