#144: Sonya Hunter: Unsurvivable - Finding the Rainbow in the Storm
Sonya Hunter has experienced trauma and grown in the process. After losing her son and her husband she had to tap into a different level of faith.
We go deep into her story and share how she has walked with God along the way.
Links:
EP. 144
Tony: [00:00:00] Hey everyone. Welcome back to the Reclamation Podcast, where our goal is to help you reclaim good practices for faith and life. I'm Tony, I'm your host. And today is episode 144 of the podcast where I sit down with mom and author, Sonya hunter, Sonia has got an incredible story to tell and her new book. It's called unsurvivable and our conversation today, we talk about what it means to step out in faith and to see what God has taught you about pain and suffering and growth in the midst of all of it.
She's got an incredible story and an incredible faith. And I think both are going to help you. Connect with God in a deeper way. We believe that through intentional conversation, we can help you. Our listener, our family unpack a deeper [00:01:00] relationship with God. So Hey, do me a favor hit that subscribe button, wherever you listen to podcasts, leave us a rating or review, and maybe even share this episode with a friend.
It goes a long way to spread the word about what God is doing more than anything. I'm thankful to be with you on this journey. And now without any further. Here's my conversation with Sonya hunter. Hey everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm excited today to have a new friend from Oklahoma, Sonya hunter with us.
Sonia, thank you so much for being here today and share a little bit of your story.
Sonya: Thank you for having me here today.
Tony: Yeah. And so we have a mutual friend Trevor, and he was like, Tony, you've got to hear this story. It's amazing. And you've got a brand new resource out where you've kind of, you've documented your story unsurvivable.
It seems like in this writing, you've really bared your soul. And I'm curious now that it's out in the wilderness, what's it been like to see your soul on display?
Sonya: I sit, [00:02:00] it's funny because I told my husband not too long ago. Weird. Cause I feel like everybody knows me so much more intimately now, you know, on a personal level with everything I've gone through.
But so it's, it's kind of weird, but it's also really good because on our story is a very touching story and clearly you can see God all over our story as well.
Tony: So. You know, your kind of story, just to kind of set it up and I'll let you take it from there. It, it looked like it was heading in one direction, right?
Your, your husband was in the midst of a, a new career. There, everything was changing. You were finally going to be able to stay at home with your two boys. And then I'm wondering if you might share a little bit about what happened after that?
Sonya: Yes. So yes, wife was actually, you know, it's funny cause I can actually look back over all the years of my life and see how God literal.
Set up the stage for everything that was about to happen in my life. And like you were saying, my husband had. I had recently [00:03:00] switched jobs to Burlington Northern railroad and was a conductor making really good money. So we were able to really pay off a bunch of debt, kind of get out of debt. So everything was going great.
Going to get to stay home with my two boys and on May 19th, 2006. My worst nightmare, of course, as a mother and a wife came true for me. My husband had a car accident that claimed his life, our six year old son Adam's life. And left our 19 month old Connor as a quadriplegic and needing a ventilator to help him breathe.
So really tough, not the way I expect in my life at 29 years of age to go. So definitely a twist. And then of course, you know, it was very Connor wasn't expected to survive through the. Which was really tough. I'll never forget getting to the hospital. We, he actually got airlifted to Dallas children's hospital, which is two hours from us.
And I'll never forget the ICU attending doctor [00:04:00] that night telling our whole family, you know, y'all need to prepare your goodbyes, say your goodbyes to Connor. Cause his injuries are so, so severe that there's no way he's going to survive through the night. And, you know, back then there wasn't social media, really, you couldn't just jump on Facebook and get all these prayer requests, you know, so I'll never forget telling our whole family, you know, that we need the whole world praying for Connor.
And of course back then you had to get emails, go in, make phone calls, can even text back thing. Cause you know, that was the flip phones where you had to do the numbers and it took you forever to text. You know, so that, you know, God's amazing. And I'll never know on this side of heaven, how many people were truly praying for him to survive and, and he did survive.
Tony: So it was, it was tough though that, yeah, it sounds a heart wrenching, you know, like, I, I there's no other, there's no other term for it. And.[00:05:00] I'm curious you know, that time of waiting in the hospital, that time of waiting to figure out what was going to happen with Connor. How did you stay both? Prayerful, hopeful, and yet, I mean, you must've been living in tremendous grief for your husband and Adam.
W what was, what was that like?
Sonya: You know, it was it's funny because it was hard to actually, it's hard to even explain this, but it was really hard because I was having to be a mother and be there for Connor and trying to grieve Adam and trying to grieve Chris. And it was almost impossible if that makes sense to be able to handle all three at one time.
And so there was times where, like, I could only focus on just Connor and I had to push that. Aside for the moment. So my grief really came in spurts throughout and, you know, it's, [00:06:00] I honestly truly believe if I went and had the huge family support that I have in the friends that I have Christian family and Christian friend support.
I truly don't know that I could've made it through because can't tell you how many times my friends or my mom would just start whispering scripture in my ear. Every time bad news came in, or it looked like. Going to start crashing and not know if he's going to survive or not. You know, it was those times whenever I feel like they were the ones standing in the gap, you know, for me in prayer and just whispering in my ear, the prayers and the scriptures to keep me going.
Tony: Was there any particular scripture that you just like when you think about that time period, you think I love to share some good scripture for coping.
Sonya: So two of my favorite scriptures, and I really claimed them in the beginning. In fact, I tell people they can't have on their mind, I'm just joking, but Isaiah 40, 31, those who wait on the board [00:07:00] or knew their strength.
And they will Mount up with wings like Eagles and they will run and not saints or grow weary. And that was really one that I cling to for me, because. It was hard for me to stand up on my own two feet. It was hard for me to even think about moving forward with anything. So I felt like that one just gave me the power to know that God was there and I was gonna Mount up on wings eventually and get, get past this.
Cause you know, at that time I felt like I wasn't going to get past this. How was I going to survive this? It's kind of how I got the name and survivable, because it wasn't just unsurvivable for Connor that he shouldn't have survived. I don't without the grace of God, I don't know how I would've survived to either, because that really is an unsurvivable thing that I went through.
I mean, I just, it's crazy how horrible. I mean, it's hard to explain that to somebody, but the other scripture that I claimed to [00:08:00] as the Jeremiah 29 11 and that one, I really claimed over Connor front of the plans I have for you declares the Lord plans to give you a future and a hope cross for you and not harm.
And I really claimed that over Connor, private, daily Overeem I mean, it just, I felt like that was God was going to give him the future. So I didn't know what that future was going to be. Didn't know what it was going to entail, but I just knew somehow we were going to have a future.
Tony: Oh, yeah. There's so much to cover on all of what you just said. I, I love it. I'm curious, what was your foundation like prior to this incident? You know, I think there probably a lot of people listening who. Who are walking with Christ, but may not be walking very closely, right. They haven't had kind of that catalytic moment in your life.
And, and honestly, we, we hope and pray that they don't. But how would you describe [00:09:00] your relationship with God post and then versus what it is today? If we can kind of jump around your timeline a
Sonya: little bit, Christina, we were, we were taking the boys to church, you know, we were there every Sunday, every Wednesday.
And it's funny because I say now, I mean, not that we didn't, you know, not that we weren't in our Bible, praying with our boys, raising them up in church, but now the relationship I have now with God, it almost feels like back then I was kind of going through the motions. If that makes sense. I guess my relationship with God wasn't anywhere near what it is now, because you know, going through this tragedy, I had no option, but to.
Cling to him. It was either I was going to cling to him and trust him and believe that this road we were on is gonna work out and he's going to take care of us or you take the other road, which was going to lead to complete destruction for my life. [00:10:00] So, you know, I had to dig deep and I mean, I, my personal relationship with, with God is just on a whole different level than it was back then.
I'm just closer to him. I seen the power of prayer. I know the power of prayer and how it works, and Connor's a living testimony of that. And it's just, it's amazing when you experienced that. Not that I wanted to go through this, I don't mean that I would much rather have never experienced this in life, but it's also amazing to see the power of God when you let him.
Tony: And this might be a tough question to even answer, but D do you think that most of us don't see the power of God because we, we don't get to a place where we're utterly dependent. I mean, it feels like you were in this whole of, of awfulness and despair in the sense of like you, you had no other choice, there was nothing left.
Do you think [00:11:00] most of the people that, you know, today. Lack of faith because of dependency or Indiana. You know what I'm trying to say there?
Sonya: Yeah, I do. I do. And you know, it's funny cause I've had this conversation with my family a lot before because you know, sometimes I feel like we put limits on God and I, and until I think until, like you said, until you're in that position where you truly have no option, but to trust him, I think we put limits.
I think, you know, we will throw a prayer out there and be like, okay, God, I'm giving all this to you. I need you to fix, fix this, you know, help make this situation great. And then we immediately take it back and we try to fix it ourselves. Where in my life I've noticed, I've had to truly just give it over to him and walk, walk away, knowing he's going to take care of the situation.
So I feel like sometimes we just lack that faith. Is God truly going to do [00:12:00] this, or, you know, is he going to take care of me? I mean, I'll never forget when the accident happened, thinking, what am I going to do? How am I going to financially survive? You know, Chris was a breadwinner, how am I gonna do this on my own?
You know, just everything that, it's amazing how I finally just gave it over to God. And literally every step of my path has been taken to. From beginning to now. And so I think that's part of it. I think, you know, and it's hard because I always say this, you know, we don't see the miracles or we say we don't see the miracles like you see in the old Testament days.
And you know, I think part of that is, are we lacking the faith of, of seeing that kind of stuff, but then, or our eyes being shut? Because when I look at clearly, I would love for Connor to be up running, walking. You know, back to normal, not having a spinal cord injury bet. I know now, too, as hard as that [00:13:00] was in the beginning, because I knew God could reach down and just touching and healing immediately, he still can today.
But I know that that's not God's plan at the moment. Not saying it might not be one day, but I think that's the other thing we get might get frustrated and be like, well, I'm praying for this. Why is this not happening? But then along the way, so many things have come to place in our life. These last 15 and a half years that never would have happened if Connor wasn't in the position he was in as well.
Tony: So yeah, no, that, that resonates. I think, I think there's a lot of us who. I have an idea about what God's will is without actually checking with God first.
You know, I, I have to ask you eventually you come home from the hospital with econ who's now has suffered a spinal cord injury, who he was completely. You know, on you [00:14:00] from, from what I can see on the outside at least like I, I would imagine, you know, you've got now a full-time mission in taking care of your son and yet I mean, you just buried your other son and husband.
W what, what's it like to be in your heart and mind in those early days of coming home with.
Sonya: And it was really tough. So, you know, like I said, we were in Dallas, so we're two hours from home. So really I didn't come home cause I didn't leave the hospital. I came home of course for the funerals and just a couple of times to get a few things from the house.
But other than that, I really hadn't been home much to deal with coming back into my memory. And then, like you said, coming back home. So it was almost three months that were in the hospital before we came home. And so coming back home to all my memories and this whole new wife was really, really tough on me.[00:15:00]
And, you know, I'll never forget a family member had let home health come in and I was. I was just sick to my stomach when I walked in Connor's room. Cause he was still in a baby bed and they had taken his baby bed down, put in this hospital bed like his whole room. Didn't look like this little 19 month old toddler little room.
It looked like a hospital. And I just remember, this is not going to work. I don't want this. I mean, it was the next day. I'm like, they need to come get the hospital bed. I'm going to just go buy a regular bed for not doing this. Cause I didn't want, I didn't want that environment for him either. And so I really, it was constant people in and out of our house, which was great because our church family was just embracing us and meals, making sure that the.
They were here to help. We just need the house cleaned up or anything like that. But it was really tough because I almost kind of also needed a little bit of time to myself to kind of deal with, [00:16:00] but then I didn't want to be by myself either. So it just, there was, it was a really hard transition coming home.
It really was. And I had to grieve, like I said, I was still having the grief in spurts. Physically immensely. I could not grieve Chris and Adam at the same time, it was too much. It would just overwhelm me and crumble me. And then, like you said, taking care of Connor, Connor being on the ventilator. I mean, that's a 24 hour job.
And, you know, they had set up home health nursing, which I've essentially had stopped. Cause I was, it was hard having strangers in my home as I'm trying to grieve and, you know, navigate things. All that. And I had so much family support anyways. It wasn't like I didn't have help. So it just was really hard, big transition, big transition.
Tony: So, so I think that there's probably somebody listening who's in the middle of some [00:17:00] really hard stuff. And I would guess that your season in the wilderness or your season of difficulty, that lasted a really long time. Yeah. W what wisdom would you give to someone who's who's in the thick of it right now?
How, how did you survive? How would you tell them to, to survive? What feels like an unsurvivable situation?
Sonya: You know, my mom gave me some really good advice on time because you know, every time I would start to look into the future, I would panic. And that feature might've just been tomorrow, you know, not even 20 years from now.
And my mom was like, Tomorrow doesn't exist yet. We only have today. So don't even look at tomorrow because it's not even existing yet. And I think that that is what really kind of woke me up and started helping me because I started just focusing on, can I get through today? All I have to do is get through today and if I can get through today, then I can [00:18:00] tackle tomorrow when it gets here.
And so I think that's one of the biggest things is. Just trying to get through that day, get through one day and then tomorrow you can focus again on the next day and, you know, just, you have to, I think the thing that helped me too was with Connor, I wanted a happy environment, so it helped me to not just be a hundred percent depressed all the time, because clearly I could have easily been that way.
And so I wanted to make sure he wasn't depressed. So. I would make sure that my, you know, that my personality, when I was around him was more upbeat. We were having fun. We're done things is trying to make it as happy as we could. And then I would escape off whenever I needed to, to have my moment that I needed to have.
So it's but it's tough.
Tony: W yeah. What was that rhythm like? How often? I mean, this sounds like a horrible question. I don't even know how to ask it well, but [00:19:00] like, how often do you need to go break down in the court? Yeah, I would imagine that's like a, is that like a twice a day, every day, every hour, like, like there's a 10 minute you know, meltdown here that needed to happen.
I mean, I th the amount of emotion just feels over whelming to me, and I wasn't obviously even there.
Sonya: And was, it was multiple times a day for quite a while. I mean, really for that whole first year. I mean, you think you got. All your first anniversaries, you know, all your holidays, your first holidays, without them, everything.
I mean, it just, it's so hard. And I can remember, I didn't want anything moved, touched in Adam's room. I wanted, I didn't want anybody in there. I was the only one that could go in there for a while. And I mean, I can remember just most of the times, whenever I need to escape, I would just go lay on his bed and just cry my heart out and find something that smells like.[00:20:00]
And numerous times that I walked into our walk-in closet and just buried my head into Chris's clothes, even just cry my eyes out. I mean, there's, there's just no rhyme or reason. It just comes over. You like a tidal wave. I mean, like for instance, in my, be someone come in to visit us and. They had their, their kids with them and I'm watching them up running around, which I loved because I love all my friends.
Kids are huge part of me that, you know, you just don't know how that is going to strike you when they come into and you see that. So it just, it was really hard that the first year was really tough on me trying to figure out how to transition this new life grief, you know, taking care of Connor, trying to keep him from being depressed.
It was a really tough transition, but like I said, I'm surrounded by such a godly family and godly friends. My friends have never left my side. I have a great [00:21:00] group of Christian friends, and I think that that's, and I've tried to push them away in, in the beginning. Cause you know, I just see you're dismantled.
You're angry. You go through some emotions and thank the good Lord. They constantly just kept coming right back. So.
Tony: Yeah, I would guess that you're probably a little bit like me that it's not very easy to accept help, especially when you're you're feeling a little overwhelmed, right? When, when my life is the messiest is when I want to be alone, which I I know is the enemy because we need community.
You obviously had community. How did your perspective on community change after receiving help that you could never possibly be.
Sonya: Well, I will say this, having a church family for one is huge and you don't realize how impactful your church family is until you go through a tragedy because that's, that's huge, which we, we go to a pretty large church and here, but for our area.
But I [00:22:00] mean, I was blown away just by our church support that doesn't even include our community. Wow. But you know, and then our community just rallied around us and started immediately doing fundraisers for us, things like that, so that we were able to survive and make ends meet, because I think everybody kind of, I know I did before this happened, you just kind of think, oh, somebody's disabled, everything's a hundred percent covered.
You know, you just assume that and learning now, not even close, there's a lot of out of pocket expenses, but you know, our community. Rallied right behind us. A hundred percent. I mean, and everybody, in fact, Connor's is his little nickname here is everyone's little Superman. That's everybody thinks he's like the little Superman.
So it's just, but I mean, in that now I see from a different perspective to how, before this happened in my life. Wow. I should have been plugging into people, going [00:23:00] through things more. You know, when I saw the chances arise in church and, you know, we just get so busy that then after, like I said, after it happened to me and I seen how our church rallied around us, I'm like, wow, that's powerful.
Cause you don't really realize as you're just going to church, how powerful your church family can be.
Tony: Do you think that do you think that the way that you. Allowed the church family to, to gather around you, did it, did it change the way that you saw God? I mean, I would, I would assume it have to change your relationship with God, but w what did you learn about God in that process?
Sonya: How God uses people deliberately be the hands and feet for him. I mean, literally, and when we were in Dallas, you know, being two hours from our church family, you know, it was harder. We still. Probably once a week would still, you know, have people from church coming down, but it was a little bit harder for them.
And it's amazing. I don't, even to this day, I still [00:24:00] don't know how some of these churches in Dallas heard our story. Somehow they heard our story and we had two different churches that just rallied around us in Dallas. And someone came by every day. I mean, bringing us gift baskets, gift cards, I mean just all kinds of things.
And it's true. It's really amazing when you can see literally how God uses people to be his hands and feet. It really is.
Tony: And, and so you guys made it through that first initial season, but it's not like it's been sunshine and lollipops ever since. I'm wondering if you could kind of take us through, you know, what it's like to raise Connor and, and kind of how that's shaped you and, and, and maybe kind of give everyone a a description of what Conner's life is like today.
Sonya: Yes. So I'd love to, so Connor courses, I'm 17 years old now. And you know, he wasn't expected to, when we left the hospital you know, [00:25:00] the doctors actually were not very supportive of my decision to go on with his life. And they actually wanted me to end his life several times and they were telling me, he'd have no quality of life.
You know, that I was being selfish. Keeping him alive. Which actually my rainbow on my book cover is a very significant part of our story because, and one of the ICU doctors had this family meeting with this a few days after the accident. And he was just going down this long list of, you know, Connor.
If you keep him alive, he's going to have chronic pneumonia, AOL killing within the first year, he's going to draw up like a pretzel, his extremities. I mean, just like the list just went on and on and on. And I told him that no, where there's life, I'm choosing life. And I moved them forward with. And he told me I was being selfish and I need to think about his quality of life and stormed out of the room, very upset with me.
And so [00:26:00] I had went outside, he waiting room, which over looked downtown Dallas. And I had a friend in the waiting room with me and I called another friend on the phone trying to tell him what all was being said. And I was like, Crying pouring my heart out. And I was like, I just wish God would give me a sign that I am making the right choice.
And I'm not being selfish. And immediately the most beautiful rainbow appeared over downtown Dallas. And I remember looking at my friend asking him, am I seeing things? Is this real? And he's like, no, that's your sign clearly. And I just remember running into Connor's room and my mom and the nurse were looking out the window at the rainbow.
And I was like, you guys are never going to believe what I just asked for when that appeared. And so from that moment on, I knew that I was supposed to continue on with Connor's life. And clearly, like you said it hasn't all been perfect. He's had some pretty big health scares. He had a pretty big one in 2019 with a bowel obstruction that he shouldn't have [00:27:00] survived.
Any of that. But in all, to be honest, he's been pretty healthy, never had an ammonia. I want to knock on wood. I do want to mention that those, since that was supposed to claim his life in the first year and in all honesty, being on a ventilator, that is something that they should struggle with. And most people on a ventilator don't live as long as he has been long wise, that child's healthy.
But you know, it's, we do a lot of therapy with Connor and we take him to a place in Baltimore, Maryland called Kennedy Krieger Institute. And they only deal with spinal cord injuries. And so what they do is we do two weeks of intense, physical and occupational therapy while we're there, they pushing past his limit, see what he's regained, see what he hasn't or if he's regressed somewhere and then they teach us how to come home and work with.
So kind of a day of Connor's life, but just child loves therapy. He loves working out. I wish I did. I do not [00:28:00] smile on his face. He loves it. And so we kind of, his mornings are physical and occupational therapy that me and my mom do. Cause I made her go back and get her nursing degree. So
anyways, and then we homeschool him in the, after. So, but he, Connor always, it has such a sweet spirit about it, and God has given him such a sweet spirit. He always has a smile on his face. If he doesn't have a smile on his face, he's not feeling good. And you know, I'm thankful for that because I know he could be depressed.
He could be all those things, but he's not. So I'm so thankful to see that. Cause I think that has been hard for me and he loves to go. We just pack up travel. He loves the beach. You know, people are ran into some other parents are like, oh, I can't believe you travel with him so far. I'm scared to going with my child that far.
Am I? No, we make life as [00:29:00] normal as we can. So the one thing I told him was, you know, when we came home, Black's going to be as normal as we can make it. And of course I remarried and in 2009, and you never know that Connor Roisin he has, if he didn't our story, They even kind of look like, which is kind of weird and he has to sense as well that now are 22 and 20.
So it's, it's great. God has blessed me, but it's awesome. It's I won't say it's all been easy, but it's, there's lots of blessings to.
Tony: Now w what's communication like with Connor, right? Cause I get the impression he's mostly non-verbal.
Sonya: He is, he is non verbal, you know, part of the problem is at 19 months old, he didn't, he really was just starting to talk.
And so it's really hard [00:30:00] for someone to compensate. Talking over ventilator. And not that it can't be done, but we live in a really rural area here where we're at. And so we don't have the best speech therapy for heal. Not that they're not good. I don't mean that, but you know, it's a very complex thing that they need, so he can he does communicate to us though, and he can say yes, and he actually, we do blinking.
So he. Twice for yes. And blinks once for now is how we talk. And then with school we use flashcards. And so, you know, he's got to look at the flashcards for, you know, answers and things like that. So, So that's kind of how we, how he communicates to us.
Tony: Hey friends, just interrupting this conversation with Sonya to remind you about the spirit and truth conference.
That's right. We're a little over a month away from the drop of this podcast, and you've still got time to register and get a great [00:31:00] rate, the spirit and truth conference happening in Dayton, Ohio, March 17th, through the 19th, part of the spirit and truth platform, which I am so happy to be a part of.
The spirit and truth podcast network. So, Hey, do me a favor, go to spirit and truth.life. Sign up for our email list and sign up for this conference. We've got a discount code for you reclamation. When you go to sign out, if you put that into the discount code area, you'll save some cash on your registration.
And Hey, I would love to see you at the conference March 17th, to the 19th. As a reminder, this is going to feel a little bit like a retreat. We're going to talk about faith based. We're going to connect you with the holy spirit, and we're going to work with you to learn about the future of the church. I'm really excited to be there, and I'm most excited to be there with you.
Visit spirit and truth.life today. And don't forget, use the code reclamation. Now let's finish up our conversation with. W what's it. Like, I would [00:32:00] imagine, like I'm in your world that it's, it's one thing when you work with Connor and then it's another thing when you go out and, and work with the rest of the world.
Because it probably feels very Just very different, very stark. The contrast between you've got this loving boy, who's dependent upon you and you're, you're fully in tune with him. You're talking to him, you're paying attention. Obviously all of the things that go into good communication without words are there.
And then you get into. You know, I can imagine, as you're putting this book together, you get into a publishing meeting and everyone's working on their computers and cell phones. And like, w what's that like for you to, to live in such two different worlds?
Sonya: It is totally different. I will say that it's it's funny because he, he know, even with Connor, not being able to sit here and talk like me and you're talking.
He's, it's such a joy to be around him and it's [00:33:00] always, like I said, we always try to keep a positive vibe, keep things happy, the best that we can around here. And then yeah, you kind of go out in the world and it's like, Ooh, I don't want to go back to my little home, my little, my little hidey hole.
That's all, you know, how we have it. So it's totally different. It really is. And, you know, even like, It's funny because even when we go to Baltimore you know, I'll see some other kids, like Connor's age there and they're crying, not wanting to be there, not wanting to do therapy. And, you know, I just think I'm just so thankful for my little, my little wife, you know, that it's the way it is.
Cause it can be so different. So, but yeah, it's, it's different. And you know, when you've got, you've got some people out there. You know, don't agree and didn't agree with my decision to go on with Connor's life. But, you know, it's, that's, someone's own personal decision, [00:34:00] so you don't know what God's telling somebody to do in their life.
Tony: So, so if I get a little personal on something kind of related, you know, it feels like raising. Someone with Connors conditions would be all consuming. And I, I don't think anyone would fault you for that at all. So I'm, I'm curious, how how'd you meet a new husband? Like what, give us the, give us the deeds.
What's the love story.
Well, please tell me it was Tinder, Tinder.
Sonya: Nothing like that. Well, it's funny. I have to brag on my, my parents, my parents went through all the training on how to take care of honor before we came home and my mom just quit her job and decided on not leaving you. I'm going to be by your side the whole time. And so they have been amazing from day one.
Always making sure that I get me [00:35:00] time and you know, where I'm not stuck here 24 hours a day, seven days a week, you know, where I can get out, go do something for me, that kind of thing. And so it's funny because I actually knew, I knew my husband cause we went, we went to high school together, but he was a senior when I was a freshmen.
So our paths didn't really cross. And so I, I knew his sister. And it was around Easter time and their church was doing, they did this big Easter play every year. And so she had invited me to the Easter play and kind of had other motives. And at the time I, I wasn't looking for that. Cause I didn't know if my heart was ready for that yet.
And so. I kind of went in as, I don't really know how this is going to work or not work. And so anyways, but from there we just kind of started talking and then even him, you know, he wanted to make sure he [00:36:00] was going to be a hundred percent all in because he would not, he did not want to hurt me at all. So, you know, he had to take some time to, for himself.
He knew he liked me that he wanted to make sure that this was 100%. When he could step into, cause he was stepping into a lot, not even just with Connor, just, you know, wasn't like I got divorced, I still loved my husband, Chris, you know? And so we dated for about two years before we actually got married.
And I will say the beginning was tough because there was a lot of times, you know, like I said, I still loved Chris. I felt like I was cheating on him. And that was a really hard thing to. To kind of maneuver and figure out, I mean, it just fit. Luckily he was a godly man to come, came from a godly family and, you know, we just prayed about it and worked through all those problems and in amazing notes, I said, you know, it's funny because the minute I was [00:37:00] born, even before I was born, the minute I was conceived, God knew every bit of this was going to happen and had it all work as straighted.
I mean, it's, it's amazing.
Tony: Did your husband ask Connor for permission to marry you?
Sonya: Yes. And my dad and my mom, because my parents, he had asked everybody, he bless his heart. He really went through a really rough time. I can't believe he actually stayed with me because my family was so tough on him because they didn't feel like anybody.
I don't think it's about me. I think it was about corner. They didn't feel like anybody was going to live up to the. The expectation to be in Connor's life.
Tony: So how old was, how old was Connor when you guys got remarried?
Sonya: Four, he is for.
Tony: You guys have been, you guys have been married now for, for over a decade.
Yes. Yep. Yeah. That's that's awesome.
Sonya: Yeah, I wasn't expecting him to come into my life. [00:38:00]
Tony: And he brought some brothers with them too. Right. There are a couple other young men as, as well. And I, it seems like, and I've, I've done a fair amount of internet stalking of your story. It, it seems like you know, that, that the, the brothers all seem to really get along and that there's some bonds there that are really, really strong and healthy and that's, that's.
Sonya: And, you know, that was another issue that was really tough in the beginning because his oldest Colton was, is the same age as Adam and in the same grade as Adam. So he was, you know, with all Adam's friends and, you know, in the beginning, that was really tough. And it's, it's funny because without, without anybody even realizing I was doing this, I was always trying to kind of push Colton away.
Cause it was hard, you know, it was heartbreaking. I was like, oh, this should be Adam. I should be experiencing this with Adam that's spending. Cause every time I tried to pushing, [00:39:00] God kept pushing him right back to me and me and Colton have a very good relationship and great relationship actually. And it's not that he has replaced that him in my heart, but God had given me some joy through him that, you know, I still got to see Adam's friends grow up and watch them play ball and do things like that.
You know, I, I still got to. Be a part of all that, that I wouldn't have been otherwise. So that's amazing too, how God worked all that out because there were several times in the beginning. I'm like, I don't know if I can, can do this. It's going to be too hard and God had a plan there too. So.
Tony: God's given you a very big responsibility of stewarding this story. And cause it's not just your story. It's Connor's story too, but it's also you know, your, your husband's story and Adam's story and you know, all the different characters, [00:40:00] Colton, and you know, Chris and the, you know, your mom and like this isn't just about you.
W what was it like to, to write this out because writing a book is like it's a whole nother process, right. If it's painful, you know, it's it's what, what was it like to write it? And then what was it like to share it with all those other characters? Cause obviously, you know, this is, this is your, your version of the story.
Sonya: Yes. It was tough and this it's bending, his God had placed on my heart a few years ago. He wanted me to write a book and I kept pushing it off. No, no, no. I'm not an author. I can't write a book. English was not my favorite subject in school. I'm not a writer. And so in plus two, I knew I was going to have to dig deep and relive some really hard, hard times in my life.
And so how does kind of kept pushing it off? The course, God kept pushing it back on. And then of course COVID [00:41:00] hits and we're all kind of quarantining to our house. Even Colton Colson's married now, but Colton was still living here and going to college and all that. And so we all had to shut in because, you know, nobody knows anything and we knew Connor.
We can expose co-owner to COVID. And so I had a lot of time to think, and a lot of times. You know, I wasn't as busy as I was before. And so actually I use that time to sit down and just really dig deep and start writing. And it was tough, very tough going through some that beginning. It's spending because I always have written Chris and Adam letters.
I kind of felt like in the beginning that was kind of therapy for me. Like I it's, like I was talking to them. And my dad actually put up a mailbox at the cemetery cause I'd take them out there and leave one for them. And so I'd always put them in baggies though. So I had a bunch of those letters.
So as I was going through those letters, that actually kind of helped me with what, the first part [00:42:00] of my book. And I had students parts because like I said, I, I. Where you live in that whole beginning with get digging deep, to get down to my wrong notions. I mean, I would have to walk away for a few days, you know, after starting it just so that I could get back to myself and not be in a depressed mood, but it almost was therapeutic as well though.
I'll be honest when I got done with it, I kind of felt like, oh, I mean, it just, I don't know, it just kind of felt therapeutic to me. And so Chris, you know, I, I did make sure that all my family. Really involved in it. And then of course me, my mom and my sister and my husband all sat down for a solid week.
And we just literally went through every chapter, you know, chapter page by page, going through the whole book, making sure I wasn't forgetting something because there was things that I did forget that they remembered that we throw back in the book. I mean, so it kinda was a family, a [00:43:00] family. At the end at the end, after I got all my thoughts wrote out and all that stuff.
So that, and there was a lot of things that they didn't realize, you know, things that I've never told people of how I was feeling or, you know, what I was going through at that time. And it was kind of eye opening to them like, wow, we didn't even realize that at the time that, you know, you felt that way or you know, that kind of stuff.
So he was, it was an adventure.
Tony: That's a beautiful, it's a beautiful picture of, of of sharing your heart and soul with the people in your, in your life. And I think that that's, that's a really important key to, to mental health. Deep. Are there any other practices that you do on a, on a regular basis to help keep you in that positive hopeful state of affairs?
Sonya: Yeah, the big thing is just saying, staying grounded in the Lord. It really is. He's he's really your [00:44:00] strength. Yeah, I did find early on that that jogging was a big stress reliever for me too, but then kind of said I was too much work
for starting to hurt and, oh, I'm just going to just get to go back to just staying grounded award, but that's. That and making sure you find time for yourself and that's, you know, that's what set up. My parents were great at that, you know, making sure that even me and my husband get that alone time that we need usually once a year, they, they force us to go somewhere, even if it's just for a few days, just to have that alone time, because we don't have that normal.
Typical marriage either that most people have, you know, where we can be like, oh, let's call a babysitter. Let's go have date night tonight. You know, we have to make sure we have somebody who's trained on Connor and you know, it's. So I, I really think that that's important is your self-care as well, because you can get ran down [00:45:00] really fast, being a 24 hour caregiver and make sure you have that as well.
Or your mind is tired and not where it needs to be.
Tony: Good. I, I love that. I love that. Is there anything that you want to say about the book that maybe that we didn't cover? I want to give you kind of the, the last word before I ask my final question.
Sonya: I don't think so. That way I don't give it all away. I think we covered quite a bit, but it's, it's truly a story that I feel like.
Just touch people's lives. I thought God can use, use it to show people that if you are in the midst of a tragedy and it might not even be a tragedy like me, it could be, you know, a divorce or, you know, loss of a job or something like that. But just to see that it. God is good. And he is there. And it's always say, I didn't understand that picture of the footprints.
You know, when I was younger, I'm sure by seeing that, or it's only [00:46:00] the one set of footprints and actually get that. But now I truly get that bad. I can't tell you how many times God has literally been carrying me because I couldn't walk at the moment and you know, it's just, God is so good. I mean, he really is, even if it's.
What we, we think our lives should be. Cause clearly this is not the life I thought that I would have, you know, it's been a blessing in so many ways as well.
Tony: Sure. I know my listeners are going to want to connect with you on the interwebs. Where's the best place to get all things uncertain.
Sonya: So unsurvivable book.com is a website and there's a link there to buy the book.
And then on social media, it is at real Sonya.
Tony: Awesome. And we'll link to all that in the show notes and make sure that everybody's connected through that way. And so the, the last question, I always love to ask [00:47:00] people if you've listened to my podcast before, it's an advice question, except I get to name the day that you give yourself a piece of advice.
And so I would like to take you back to the day before the car accident, and if you could go back. And talk to that young Sonia there what's the one thing that you would do
Sonya: you're stronger than you think was definitely because there were so many days that I didn't feel like I was strong enough to survive what I was going through and looking back, I know that I'm stronger, stronger than I ever thought I was.
Tony: Amen. Amen. Sonia, thank you so much for being so vulnerable and generous today. Thank you for sharing your heart and for for showing all of us what it means to be dependent on the Lord. Really appreciate it.
Sonya: Thank you. I really appreciate you having me on.
Tony: What a [00:48:00] rich, deep, vulnerable conversation with Sonya.
I love the way that she looks at life. And honestly, I love the way Connor looks at life. I think this is an incredible story. One that needs to be told again, and again, reminds us how important our faith is in the deepest, darkest days of our lives. So, Hey, if you liked this conversation hit that subscribe button.
So you don't miss any future episodes. Also leave a rating review on iTunes and now on Spotify. So wherever you listen, take a moment, give us some feedback. I always read it myself. I'm so thankful for all the reviews and Hey, if it a. If you think that this episode will impact somebody else's life, do me a favor, share it with them.
I think it's the best way to, to grow what God is doing here and to share Sonya story. It's so big. So guys, thank you so much. And remember, if you want to follow Jesus, you must be willing to move.
