#127: Becky Keife: The Simple Difference
Do you ever wonder about how one small act of kindness can change an entire person's perspective? In today's conversation, I get to sit down with writer, speaker, and community manager Becky Keife.
We explore the importance of kindness, community, and so much more!
Links:
EP. 127
Tony: [00:00:00] Hey everybody. Welcome back to the Reclamation Podcast, where our goal is to help you reclaim good practices for faith and life. I'm Tony. And today I get to sit down with author speaker and community manager. Becky Keith, Becky is. An incredible voice about an important message that we all need to lean into her new resource.
The simple difference goes on sale this week, and I want to invite you to pick it up and our conversation today. We talk about the awkwardness of kindness. We talk about the ripple effect, starting small. And, and how each and every one of us can do something really simple with lasting impact. I think you're going to love this conversation with Becky, and if you do love it, do me a favor, hit that subscribe button, wherever you listen to podcasts, leave us a rating review on iTunes and share this episode with a friend that is the biggest, [00:01:00] most rewarding thing.
When we hear that somebody shares the podcast. Now you've heard me say it for the last several months. The reclamation podcast is a ministry of spirit and truth. Now, one of the exciting things that's happening in my life is a bit of a transition. And I'm going to take just a minute and share that with you, right.
After a lot of prayer and discernment my wife and I have decided that it is time for us to leave the local church. So in the next month or so I'll be transitioning out of leadership here at restoration church and stepping into a position with spirit. What does that mean? It means that I will be working with pastors and churches all over the country on this idea of disciple-making.
It means that we'll explore how to bring renewal and revival into the local church. And it means a lot of faith because [00:02:00] as a nonprofit spirit and truth, that supports so many ministries, so many pastors while we are dependent upon. People who are willing to champion the call. So I recently had someone asked me, one of my listeners asked me Tony, how can we support you?
And honestly, the best thing that you can do is consider giving to spirit in truth, go to spirit and truth.life. Check that out. I'm raising my own support for this position. So we're kind of stepping out in faith. We're looking for monthly givers, every single month, people that want to come on board and support this belief.
That the disciple-making will be the next big revival in the church. So for more information about spirit and truth, get connected with them, spirit and truth thought life. If you'd like to talk to with me about spirit and truth, you can email me@tonyattwmilt.com. tony@twmilt.com. Guys, I'm so excited for this next season of life.
[00:03:00] I'm so excited for this conversation today with Becky I'm very thankful for each and every one of you to be on this journey with you and the way that so many of you have supported me over the last several years now, without any further ado, here's my conversation. With Becky Keith. Hey everybody.
Welcome back to the podcast. I'm excited today to have author community manager, speaker women's minister Xtrordinair, Becky Keefe with us, Becky. Thank you so much for being on the podcast today.
Becky: Thanks for having me, Tony. This is going to be fun.
Tony: Yeah. So I wanted to start with a story that I found on your website about how you came to Jesus at five years old.
Becky: I did. I came to Jesus at five years old. I've always been kind of a independent thinker. One, one might say. And so grew up going to church, heard all the Bible stories, all the invitations to, to accept Jesus into my heart, but I never felt compelled, you know, to like pray [00:04:00] with my mom or with my Sunday school teacher.
When the spirit did move me was a place where I like to do a lot of thinking even still. And it happened to be on the toilet. And so I have a very clear memory. I grew up in a house that my great-grandfather built as this big two-story house. And we had I was in the back bathroom and I can remember the tile I liked to like, count the patterns.
And I'm just thinking about it and thinking, yeah, like I sit and I make mistakes all the time. And so yes. You know, forgive my sins, come into my heart. And so I, I got off the toilet and I flushed my sins away and I remember very clearly having that thought, like, I've done it, I've washed my sins away.
Jesus has forgiven me. And so I washed my hands. I like to say, like I got off my throne and I put God on his and my life. And I went downstairs and I told my mom.
Tony: I read that on your website and as a somebody who appreciates a [00:05:00] really good pun, I just thought to myself, this, this could not set up any better.
And, and so I really appreciate you sharing that. And now I was trying to articulate to my wife what you do and you're community manager, as well as a writer, it feels like a really important job and a really difficult job in 2021. Can you tell us a little about that and how you got connected to that ministry and what really a community manager does?
Sure.
Becky: Yeah. So I'm not just a community manager of. Of of all communities? No, I work for four encourage. It's encouraged with an I N like, because we, when we are in Christ, we are in courage and encouraged was started 12 years ago by Dayspring. And if you're familiar, Dayspring is a is a Christian resource company.
It's the Christian arm of. And so encourage is really an online, it started as an online community, a place for [00:06:00] women to connect, to share their real hard, awkward, messy stories, and to link, arms and 0.1 another to the hope of Christ. And so as community manager, I get to partner with, we have a team of 30 writers of diverse ages and stages and backgrounds from their twenties into.
Decades later. I don't know exactly, but some very wise amazing women who I love dearly. And in addition to putting out content seven days a week, 365 days a year on our website, we also produce books and Bible studies. And it's just, it's such a joy to get to do that kind of.
Tony: Yeah, I think as a, as a pastor, when I look at the kind of work that you're doing, it feels very much like ministry in 2020.
And it, you know, obviously you guys were ahead of the curve and all of this in terms of building community long before there was ever a [00:07:00] pandemic. But what have you learned about the importance of community in the midst of the pandemic and what did you see from your perspective as somebody who's working in administering with so many women around the world?
Becky: Yeah, I absolutely saw that. You know, when people can't physically gather all the more we're looking for those real authentic places where we don't just slap on, you know, Christian cliches, but where we can be like, this is what I'm really. Wrestling with like, these are my burdens will, is there space for my unfine moments, seasons struggles.
And so, yeah, I saw encourage we already filled that place in a lot of women's lives. And so it was neat to see that. Especially in just like this, I mean this global plant 10 pandemic where we're all going through something similar but different. And so to have a place like a website, like social [00:08:00] media, where we can come and say, yeah, this is how it's flushing out for me and have other people say, yeah, me too.
Or have you thought about this? And so yeah, it's been great. And to, you know, we put out Bible studies and. In this season to be able to do that on Facebook groups you know, on our website. And so see the people are hungry for the word of God. People are hungry to know that there is truth that transcends our news scroll.
And when there's so much. We cannot trust that we doubt that the word of God continues to be trustworthy. And so I feel like it's been especially kind of for such a time as this season that we get to link arms with women and say, we're here to do, to walk it out with you in our, and our own messy stories.
We don't come as experts, but as fellow, you know, journey or.
Tony: At one of the things I've realized over the last couple of years is that a lot of people are trying to figure out how to [00:09:00] live into their call. And, and I would say that the way that you've kind of stepped into this role with encourage and, and kind of what you do in your writing, it's not traditional ministry and like the old traditional church sense.
How did you know that you were called into this kind of work? And, and, and what was that first step for you really like to say, okay, I'm going to be an online community manager, which sounds normal now, but it didn't probably when you started.
Becky: Right. Well, and I really started this work years before I ever had a title.
So I've been working, I've been on staff with encourage and Dayspring for five years, but it was probably more like, Eight or nine years ago that I felt a very specific call to what I felt like on Louis. And like I'm calling you to a ministry of words and the, and at that time I did not have a book contract.[00:10:00]
I at that time I was blogging on Becky keith.blogspot.com like back. This is before Instagram's, before fancy WordPress, like, and Yeah, I've always known I was a writer, but you know, when I was in the thick of motherhood and I had three boys back to back to back and, you know, that was really like my full-time job ministry breathing, surviving life.
But but I had this sense in my heart that the Lord was saying like, I'm going to. Use the gift of words I've given you. And that might be as you scratch out blog posts late at night, that a few people will read one day that might be from stages. I had a dream that would one day be from published pages, but really it started with just acknowledging that I had some God-given skills.
I had a desire and he really just said, like, I just want you to do the one next thing and [00:11:00] trust me for the outcome. And so that one next thing looks like a lot of little seemingly insignificant baby steps of just, you know, writing that one, that one Facebook post writing that one article. Offering, you know, to my local Bible study, Hey, like I could speak on this, you know, just doing as the Lord prompted me.
And then over time as he does, like, it's like these puzzle pieces suddenly, you know, start fitting together. And when I was invited to come on staff at encourage, it actually wasn't a job that I applied for. It was something that, from the relationships that I had built over years of, of writing online, it was really like, God opening a door and saying, Here you go like walk, you want to walk with me?
Tony: Yeah. I love that imagery of like doing the next right thing and, and listening to God. One of the questions that I love to ask people who, especially who have done this over a lengthy period of time, is how do you know it's from [00:12:00] God and not just your exhaustion? Or how do you know it's from God and not just you know, what you have in mind versus what God might be calling DJ.
Do you have a set kind of process that you go to, to, to check, to see if it's God's voice or whatever?
Becky: That's a great question. So as kind of an indirect way of answering it, I actually have a prayer that I have prayed for many years now. And this prayer comes out of the fact that I am naturally an achiever.
Like I'm naturally someone who I'm. Yep. Like, let me, let me check off the boxes. Let me climb the ladder. Like let me achieve the thing. And like I say, like I'm a recovering people, pleaser, perfectionist with performance issues. So as I was stepping into this writing, speaking kind of world, knowing my natural inclination apart from the Lord would be to strive.
I started praying very specifically. Lord would you do [00:13:00] things that are directly reflective of your power and not my own striving? God, would you do things that are directly reflective of your power and not my own striving? So not that I'm not still have to be obedient. Not that I still don't need to show up and do that one next thing, but I want it to be so very clear in my work and my ministry, that God was going to be the one to get the glory.
And so. You know, that, that, that doesn't necessarily help in like the day-to-day. But when I think about like, kind of like the big milestones of the books that I've written and getting to be, I first was on staff with encourage as an editor, which is my background. And then I was asked after a year to step into the role of, you know, leading as the community manager and, and those things I couldn't, I couldn't have manufactured that on my own.
And so I think that when you feel. Nudge from the spirit when you feel, or even that desire. Like I have this idea, [00:14:00] like take that next step and then surrender all those steps to God and say, what do you want to do with.
Tony: Yeah. That's, that's not my will, but your will be done. And yes. Yeah. And it just, you know, every single day at every single decision, if you can remember to pray those prayers, you generally end up where God wants you to, and only going through doors that he opens that that makes, that makes a ton of sense.
And that's actually a really good transition into this latest resource that you've just put out because I just find it. So. It has to be from God, right. That you would write a book on kindness and the midst of what could arguably be considered the most unkind season in my, in my lifetime. I don't, I mean, I'm 41, so, right.
Like, I don't remember at people ever being this mean before. How did God calls you to, to write a book like this on what a simple, yet profound title?
Becky: Yeah, and you're right. I, again, I, same thing. I'm like, God, like [00:15:00] only you could have known that the simple difference would come out in. 2021. And that this would be where the world is.
So cause I actually, I had this idea, this bubbling of of an idea many years ago and actually started after I had taken my kids to the library, which seems like a very simple thing. When you have three spirited boys, anyone else spirited children out there at the time? I think the boys were like three, five and six, and we got to the library like eight minutes early.
What'd you get no big deal, but like, my children are not cut from like the sit still and be quiet kind of cloth. Like they are highly curious and active and anytime. Long story short, this eight minutes felt like an eternity because there was multiple trips to the bathroom and drinking fountains and exploring cupboards that were void of padlocks.
Why don't people put [00:16:00] padlocks on their cupboards in the, in the library vestibule. Anyhow. So we are like, more people are coming. We were like in this like courtyard area waiting. And I just feel like all eyes are on me and I don't like parenting in public and I kept my boys. Aren't being bad at all. Just kids, but I just felt, especially like some older individuals, just, we were very much the center of attention.
You, I don't want to be. So the doors finally opened. And this older woman catches my eye and she says to me, she goes, it's going to be a long summer. And I was like, oh yeah. I was like, I was like, yeah, it is. I already have like sweat dripping down my back and she goes, and then she says, but thanks for being here.
You're doing a really good job. And I cannot even tell you Tony, like I was bracing myself for like, you know, for, for criticism, for, for judgment. And instead this stranger took the [00:17:00] opportunity to show a weary mama that I was seen and to encourage me in a way that she had no idea that like changed my posture for the rest of the day.
And I even, I thought about it for a week, for months, so much so that I started thinking about how that cost her nothing, but just being aware of someone, of choosing to get over the awkwardness of speaking to a stranger to give those kind words. And so it started this bubbling of like, Like how can ordinary people change the world, right?
Where we are with exactly what we have just by showing up with these small acts of kindness, can it kind of, this hypothesis can small acts of kindness really make a lasting impact. And so this was years and years ago. And over the over time, I, I wrote this idea down. I was in graduate school and I shared it with a professor and Eventually, probably three or four years ago.
I mentioned it to [00:18:00] my, my coworkers at encourage. And when it came time for us as a, as a company to put together another book proposal for additional resources that we wanted to put out, it was proposed like, Hey Becky, would you be willing to write the simple difference for encourage? And I never cooked from that mom in the library to now.
Releasing a book tomorrow when this episode airs, I never could have imagined how that trajectory went and yet you're right. I can't get over. God's kindness in the fact that like, I think we've always needed this message. I think this is not it's it's not trendy. And yet it is timely.
Tony: Yeah. D do you think, do you think that kindness has, has left our community or do you think we've just gotten out of practice of kindness?
Like I, what I really want you to tell us, Becky is what did we do wrong and how do we get it back?
Becky: [00:19:00] Oh, I don't know if I'm qualified to talk about that. I think we do so many. I think we can do so many things wrong. We do so many things wrong. I think a lot of it. And I think so I'm, I'm about the same age as you are.
I'm 39 and in my 39 years, I too have seen, I feel like that now more than ever. I feel like if I can boil the breakdown in humanity to this, it would be the fact that like we have stopped seeing people as people like we are each, if you are a believer in Jesus Christ and the word of God says that every person is made in the image of God.
We are image bearers. We are children of God created with intrinsic value and worth and loved by God. And yet, I mean, this is certainly true in, I feel like all of society, but I [00:20:00] even heartbreakingly see it in believers in the church that we've. We have stopped seeing people as image bearers of God and started seeing people as the enemy, as the annoyance, as you know, the person on the other side of that political divide or social issue.
And we start seeing people as, as opinions or votes or barriers or, you know, and I feel like that's the breakdown. What if we actually saw people the way God sees them, how would our overflow of kindness and compassion change? I feel like that's the crux of.
Tony: I agree. Yes. A hundred percent, a hundred percent.
And nothing actually makes me more angry, which is a funny irony than mean Christians. Like when Christians, especially when Christians are mean on the internet, like, like, Hey, why don't we just, why don't we just air all of our family drama out in, [00:21:00] on the front porch where everybody can see it. It just it's it's I find it incredibly frustrating.
And, you know, I, I get to preach on a pretty regular basis and I always wonder, like, what's the next step? Like, how do you, how do you, how do you bump somebody back to kindness? Right. And, and I, I know one of the things that you talk about in the book is about the, the embracing, the awkward. And I wonder if.
Give me a little bit of background on, on how do we see the awkward moment and then how do we embrace it?
Becky: Yeah. I think something that, you know, especially now in this heightened season of tension and division and feeling like, I don't know if you agree with me on fill in the blank, right? Like we all have these, like, are you, are we on the same side?
Are we on the opposite sides? And so that's a layer of awkwardness. In itself. And then I feel like there's this, these layers of awkwardness, right? Just in general, I feel [00:22:00] like even before pre pandemic, like we live in a society, especially, you know, in, in Western culture of kind of like mind your own business.
Like, you know, don't get too involved. Don't let it do rail. Your schedule. And so you know, for it, and this happens, it comes up in so many different ways. You know, I was just talking to a friend and she was at target the other day and a woman fell and she was with her husband, but her husband couldn't physically help her up.
And she's like, she recognized in herself this moment of like awkwardness, like, do I go over? Do they want help? Do they not? Like, should I ask? Like, and she said, but then there was. Change where four strangers who didn't know them that know each other kind of all came together. And just without even saying anything, just kind of swooped in and, and lifted.
This woman saved her, her dignity of being splayed out. She wasn't injured. She had just fallen. And I think that it's like those, that's the kind of awkwardness, like we [00:23:00] just got to overcome. Or maybe it's the awkwardness. Like I we've lived in our current house for about eight years. And you know, like when there's certain neighbors, like you get to know right away.
And there's other neighbors that are just like the wave, hello from the driveway far away. Well, when it's like been eight years and you've only waved, hello, it's really awkward to be like, and what was your name? Like? I've lived here eight years, but like, what was your name? And recently I felt. Convicted me of that.
And prompting me to reach out to this neighbor who I've literally waved from my driveway for eight years. I did not know her name. I did not know her story. And it was super awkward to be, to go over and be like, huh? I'm Becky. I live up there with the three children. And would you like to come over for coffee in my backyard?
I don't know if she wants to have coffee. I don't know. Like if she thinks that's really weird, guess what I've learned? It doesn't matter. It doesn't [00:24:00] matter if I feel awkward in those 90 seconds, it doesn't matter. Even if, really, if she had accepted or not, it turns out she did. Want to come over. She did need a friend.
And now like it's been actually a couple of months. Tony. I love this woman. She is phenomenal. Like I'm like I've been missing out. Like she used to be an engineer. She is an artist she's lived all over the world. She happens to be 82 years old and like, I love her and I'm just, I'm like that awkwardness could have been the barrier to.
MI having showing the kindness of walking all across the street, getting over myself and saying, Hey, would you like to come over for.
Tony: That is a phenomenal testimony. And I love it. I'm going to be a little bit cynical if that's okay, because on the other kind of awkward is vulnerable. And then on the other side of vulnerable is sometimes that [00:25:00] doesn't go sometimes at 82 year old lady snapped at you or says she doesn't want to talk to you or you, I mean, you're incredibly vulnerable on, on the internet.
And I, I can't imagine that the internet is always kind of. To you. It's not always kind to me and I'm not even as vulnerable as you are on the internet. What do you do when your feelings really do get hurt? H how do you, how do you do that? Work of repairing the, the wall that you're building up?
Because somebody wasn't kind right. And you're not even going to see that person again, who was probably mean to you on the internet, but. How do we, at that? I feel so many people have these barriers because maybe they tried it and it didn't work, or maybe they, they, they watch it. Somebody, you know what I mean?
Becky: Yeah. No, I know exactly what you mean. And I mean, you're right. It's, it's not easy. It is painful. It does sting. Like I don't want to sugar coat that and be like, well, it's all, it's all worth it. I mean, I do believe [00:26:00] it's all worth it, but But I think actually what I found is it goes back again to how, w what lens am I going to put on through which I choose to see this person who has hurt me or rejected me or not responded to my kindness or my vulnerability in the way that I hoped, what lens am I going to put on?
Am I going to choose to see them with, through my, the lens of my own judgment and my limited view of their story? Or am I going to ask God, God, would you fill in the gaps of my knowledge with your grace? And by that, I mean, I just, through writing this book, I have felt so challenged to, we are so quick at snap judgments, like.
Like there was you know, my, my kids right now are playing soccer and there was, I'm a mom on one of the soccer teams who I, I thought I had smiled to and said hello several times. And I felt kind of snuffed by her. And I was like, [00:27:00] well, I'm not going to keep saying hi to you. Like that's kind of rude, but then I thought.
What if, what if she's really shy? What if she has social anxiety? What if she just had the crummiest day at work? And she's thinking about the conversations you asked, you have to have with her boss. What of her marriage is crumbling? What if she has a special needs kid? Like, do you see what I mean? Like, yeah.
You know, it's, I mean, you could say like give the benefit of the doubt, but I feel like it's even more than that. And so when I think about you're right, like I'm vulnerable on the internet and you know, some things I'm vulnerable with, I talk about like, I struggle with clinical anxiety on my bad days. Do I want someone to think, oh, I saw Becky at trader Joe's and she liked totally ignored.
Like, wow. Like she's a jerk or do I want someone to fill in the gap? Like, wow. Maybe she was really distracted. Maybe sh she didn't quite seem herself. Like maybe I'll text her and say like, are you okay? You know what I mean? And so. When we get those [00:28:00] stinging comments, when we get, you know, those you know, that your neighbor is like get off my porch.
No, I don't want to have coffee with you. One. Remember how God sees you and remember how God sees them. And I feel like if we start there, it makes all this.
Tony: So D I love to get super practical. Do you have daily disciplines that you do to help remind yourself how God sees you? Like I'm, I'm always interested to hear what people's God time routines are morning or night, or, or what, what does it physically look like if never ones?
No one's ever done this before, and this is their first venture in the beat to learning how God sees them. How, how would you tell them to get started? How do you. Yeah.
Becky: Yeah, that's a great, that's a great question. One of my daily practices is to write a gratitude list, which isn't, you know, who's in groundbreaking, like people do this.
But for me it has been one of those foundational [00:29:00] practices that has sustained me through the years. And I'll tell you what more than. Reminding me how God sees me. It reminds me to see God more clearly. Because as I think about the practical ways that he is showing himself faithful, that he is providing for my needs, whether that's, you know, physical needs or emotional needs ways that he is answering prayer when I stop and I usually will do it in the morning.
And I like to think back on the day before. Okay. So all of yesterday, what, what happened? What occurred? You know, it's so easy to, to, to let the small things just. Lost in the haze of the day. And so starting each day with that, those eyes of gratitude. And then that turns my heart to Thanksgiving. And that turns my heart to thinking about the character of God.
Like, wow, God, like you are kind, you [00:30:00] are trustworthy. You are faithful. You are consistent, you are steadfast and grounding myself there. I'm like, well, if that is who God is. And he has chosen me to be his daughter and to love me when I don't deserve it to show me kindness when I mess up then. Wow.
That's a pretty great God. And I can, I can rest in peace.
Tony: Yeah. One of the things I noticed that you do fairly often at least on Instagram is, is you take advantage of being outside and creation and, and that seems to be a big part of your rhythm. I'm curious as to, is that intentional? Is that more of how you're wired? Does it help you see. People with God's eyes when you see how big the world is.
Cause that's the story I made up in my head. I like,
Becky: I like that story. Yes, it's how I'm wired and yes, it is intentional. Yeah, my family, we love, we love to hike. You know, I recently had hip [00:31:00] surgery and so I have I'm. My soul is like aching to get back on the. On the trail, but I find that even if it's just going outside and sitting, you know, on the back porch and looking up at the trees, I do.
I see God's goodness in creation and I I'm also have a heightened awareness. I love. How scripture makes eternal truths known through physical examples, you know? And so when I look at a tree and then I think about, you know, Paul's encouragement in Colassians to let your roots grow down deep into him and your life be built upon him.
And I think about the tree roots, I think about, okay, Lord. And I turned that into a prayer, you know, or I think about, you know, God. If he cares for a Sparrow, how much more well he care for you. And then I look up and I see a bird and I think, okay, like this bird is, is living and breathing and flying by the grace of God.
Okay. Then that grace must extend to me too. And so, yeah, and in the [00:32:00] same way, again, it all goes back to, okay, this is how God cares for the created world. Then what is our part in that? And caring for one another. And. Being good and kind and gracious and showing his love. It's an everyday small.
Tony: And you, you talk a lot about small ways in the book.
I'm curious about what do small ways look like with the people that you're closest to? Because I actually think it's easier to be kind to a stranger who I desperately want their approval then to my wife of almost 19 years or to my three kids who never stop eating everything in the world. How do we, how do we start small with the people that annoy us the most?
Not my wife, my kids, cause my wife was. Not your wife, not your wife, not my husband, my wife.
Becky: You are, you are so right. And you are so right. In fact that I actually, this was not part of the plan, but as God would have it, he wanted to teach me a few things in writing a simple difference. And I [00:33:00] was writing the majority of this during quarantine with my amazing family at home all the time.
And so it burned, it burst a chapter called. Hardest at home artists at home because yes. Why can it be so easy? I can have this like, helpful cheery. Let me grab that bag for you. And you drop that. Let me get that for you persona in public. And yet with my kids, I'm like, no, you cannot have it on the drink of water.
So how should we, how do we be kind at home? I, I think one way is to ask ourselves. How could I be a blessing to fill in the blank to my child, to my roommate? You know, maybe to maybe you live with your, with your parents or a sibling, whoever it is. We all know that the people that we spend the most time with and closest proximity do not always get the best versions of ourselves.
And so sometimes I think [00:34:00] a pitfall for me can be like, well then. I don't really have to be kind at home. Right. Like we all just get to show up and just be who we are. And yet to think about like, okay, how can I, what can I do today to show love to someone else? And so, you know, I think about my kid who he's a verbal processor and if I could just give him five.
Minutes. He would take five hours. Like whatever time I can just give Elias to be like, you tell me all the things like I won't scroll my phone. I won't, you know, tell you to, you know, to stop talking or to lower your volume. Like, I'll just be all here for you. Like that is kindness to Elias. My husband, like his love languages, acts of service.
And so at the end of the day, like I know that it shows him love. If I'm like, Hey, can I get a. [00:35:00] Is he capable of getting his own snack? Of course he is. But like as a I could have that posture of like, well, get your own snack or I could be like, I'm happy to cut up this apple for you. Like, I want to show you that I have thought of you, that you are seeing that you are known.
And it's like, what would it be like if we all did those things at home? And then I feel like it would fill up our kindness tanks so that we really could make a bigger impact.
Tony: Do you think that there is a difference between conditional kindness and unconditional kindness? As, as, as I heard you thinking about that, I was like, man, I wonder if this is just how broken I am, but I wonder if I can be kind and then people will be kind back to me.
And then I was like, well, is that really kindness or is that just manipulation? What do you think? I didn't mean to turn this into a counseling session by the way, but here we are now, here we are here.
Becky: We are not, that's a good question. I mean, And I even talk about this a little bit. Like I being kind is [00:36:00] not being a doormat.
Like we all, we want to be healthy people. We want to have like good boundaries, you know? And so like, if you are like, you know, feel always like undervalued, always under appreciated. Like we need to like speak up and like, say those things yet at the same time. I think what you're saying is. Is a good point to make, because we should not be motivated by, well, what am I going to get in return?
Am I going to get affirmation? Am I gonna get praise? Is someone going to do that thing back for me? And I think it comes down to the fact that, yeah, there is a difference. Like if we're putting those conditions on our kindness, like all this shit out, as long as I'm feeling good about what I'm getting in return, but do we see Jesus doing that?
I don't see, I don't really see Jesus being like, well, I'm going to, I can't think of a good example off the top of my head.
Tony: I'm going to wash your feet, but then you have to watch. [00:37:00]
Becky: Right. You know, like Jesus showed up for his friends again and again, and again, like when impetuous, Peter, you know, was like always, you know, when he, when he denied Jesus, when he, you know, overstepped his boundaries, like Jesus, wasn't like, I'm done with you.
Like, I've, I've been kind, I've been patient like enough. Like he, Jesus was relentless. In his kindness. And so I think that that is it. It's not easy, but I think it's, it's a challenge. Like how am I going to treat the people in front of me, independent of, of, of what I get in return.
Tony: Yeah, I love that word relentless.
And it, it also kind of reminds me of that phrase, that kind of the posture of your heart, right? If you're, if you're posturing your heart towards kindness towards Jesus, then you're naturally going to [00:38:00] go that way. And You know, a lot of repetitions makes it easier to be more about the bigger mission than your personal mission.
So I think that's a, that's a really good word. I know that this book is going to impact a lot of lives. The simple difference w. What is your prayer? As people get it in their hands and as people reading it, w what can my listeners, who I know are fervent prayers? What can they be praying for, for you, Becky, and for your family?
And for the simple difference as it, as it releases out into the world, we're asking that question.
Becky: You know, one of my, one of my like, core prayers for the simple differences, I want people to read it and I want them to. Understand and experience the kindness of God in a new way. I mean, really like this is a book for, it's a book for believers, and yet I very clearly lay out the gospel in chapter one.
And my hope and prayer is that people who. I don't yet know Jesus as our Lord and [00:39:00] savior will come to know him through this book. Kindness is kind of like a, yeah, like the world needs kindness. And so my hope is that people will find this just through thinking. Yeah. I want to make a difference. And discover that there is that our source of kindness is something so much deeper than anything.
Human do good ism that any of us could conjure on our own. So that would certainly be a prayer. And then really it's it's my prayer is for the collective, you know, church, this, our family of believers that we would stop being mean that we would put on a posture of kindness. I mean, Jesus, that it's so clearly love one another by this.
Others will know that you are my disciples. If you love one another and I'm tired of people knowing Christians by, by our hate, by our by our division, by our Facebook [00:40:00] comments, you know, I want people to come to know Jesus because they're like, wow, like what's, what's up with that Tony guy? Like, he's like, He's like uncomfortably kind, like, like what's up with, you know, what's like what, like what's up with Becky, like she's really awkward.
And yet there's something about her that I want to know more about. Like, I, I, I believe that w that God has called us to mark the word. With his love and kindness. And I think each one of us can start right where we are with exactly what we have. And my hope is that the simple difference will be a part of bringing that up.
Tony: Amen. And I will join with you in that prayer for so many reasons, but I think it's, I think it's such an important testimony for the church to be kind again, like I think we can, I think we can make kindness fashionable again. It's out there. I know it's out there and we can, we can do it in that really pure and Right.
Just way. So okay. I have one more question [00:41:00] for you. But before I do it, I, I, I always like to ask people where the best place to get to know more about you and your ministry on the interwebs, where can our listeners get connected to you, Becky, and to all the things that you're doing and for future books.
Cause I know that there's more.
Becky: Thank you. My favorite place to hang out on the internet is on Instagram. So we'd love for you guys. If you hear this show come and find me, I'm just at Becky Keith, let me know that you heard this episode and I would love to connect with you. You can find out more on my website, Becky keefe.com.
You can also type in B the simple. Dot com and that will take you to my book page where you can find out all the things. And I also have a new Bible study coming out along with a simple difference. It's called courageous kindness live the simple difference, right where you are. And so you, you can read the book or did Bible study for.
Either way, but it really takes an even deeper look into[00:42:00] the heart and character of God and what he's inviting us to partner with him in. And I'd also like to invite you to be a part of our community. At encouraged that website is encouraged.me and we have tons of great resources and courageous kindness, and a civil difference are, are both resources also provided by encouraged.
And so you can find out all the info there as.
Tony: And we'll link to all of that in the show notes. So that it's super easy. If you guys want to get connected to there, I strongly encourage it. It's actually the anchor. I spent some time today on the encourage website. It's really well done. It, it it, it, it, it makes you want to be in the community, honestly, it's, it's very well done.
So check that out. Tremendous resource. Okay, last question. I always love to ask people and it's a, it's an advice question, and I want to give you I want to ask you to give yourself one piece of advice. But I get to take you back to a very specific time. And so I want to take you back to your very first day at encourage.
And you're talking to this younger version of [00:43:00] you, this editor, big dreams, achiever, all of it's in there. You're being obedient to God. If you could look that younger version of yourself in the eyes, what's the one piece of wisdom are you giving her?
Becky: You're making me emotional. Like.
I think I would, I would tell that younger me. I would, I would just tell her that that God is so worthy of your trust. And that you can trust him with every next step. Even the steps that cause you to stumble that he will continue guiding you on the right path.
Tony: Amen, Becky, thank you so much for your time today, your vulnerability, and for all that you're doing for the kingdom of God. I'm so excited to see what's next.
Becky: Oh, I appreciate it. This was a [00:44:00] great conversation and I'm grateful for your support. Thank you for being a simple difference maker.
Tony: Man, what a great voice. I love her heart for kindness. And, you know, honestly, this is something that's super simple that all of us can do, and it makes a lot of sense. I especially. Really really liked the line that she said that God is so worthy of your trust. I liked the way that it all goes back to the kindness of God. And I think you know, just important practices for our kids as well.
So thank you so much for being here today, as always, don't forget to leave us a rating or review on iTunes, share this episode with a friend and don't forget to hit the subscribe button. So you don't miss further episodes and don't forget if you want to connect with us spirit and truth. Or you can email me tony@twmilt.com.
Remember guys, if you want to follow Jesus, you must be willing to move.
