#128: Phil Waldrep: Stop Chasing Happy
Do you ever get tired of chasing after the elusive "happily ever after"?
In this conversation with pastor, speaker, and author Phil Waldrep we talk about why this might be the perfect season for you to stop chasing happy. I think you are going to love his stories, reflection, and the all-important message of spiritual contentment.
Links:
EP. 128
Tony: [00:00:00] Hey everybody. Welcome back to the reclamation podcast, where our goal is to help you reclaim good practices for faith and life. I'm Tony. And today is episode 1 28 of the podcast where I get to sit down. Pastor ministry leader and author Phil Walter, Phil Waldrep and his new resource stop chasing happy.
We talk about what it means to find spiritual contentment, how to glorify God, right where we are and to serve God without chasing cultural, happiness. I think you're really going to enjoy this conversation. With Phil, he's got a voice of experience. He's got a nice little Southern charm and he brings so much to this dialogue about contentment and a season where a lot of us are chasing what's next.
So, Hey, do me a favor, hit that subscribe button, wherever you listen to podcasts, leave us a rating or review on iTunes, and maybe even share this episode with a friend. It's a great way to get the [00:01:00] word out about what God is doing on this platform. Speaking of platforms, if you didn't know. The reclamation podcast is a part of a brand new podcast network called spirit in truth.
I talked a little about it last week, but spirit and truth, and I are deepening our relationship as I go on staff with them. So if you want to support spirit and truth, check out their website, spirit and truth.life. Everything you do goes to help expand the kingdom of God as we work with local churches all over the globe.
Again, for more information, check out spirit and truth. Now without any further ado. Here's my conversation with Phil Waldrep. Hey everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm excited today to have a mentor, pastor speaker Xtrordinair, Phil Waldrep with us, Phil. Thank you so much for being here today.
Phil: Well, I am honored to be here and I appreciate all of those accolades you gave me there.
That's quite an honor to be called all of those things, but it's such a joy to be with you. [00:02:00] Well,
Tony: I feel I like to jump right in. And so in your latest resource, stop chasing happy as I have, as I was kind of researching it and exploring it. One of the first questions I have for you and it a little tongue in cheek is what do you have against happiness?
Phil: Well, I don't have anything against happiness. In fact, or fact, I think we're all created to want to be happy. I think it's just, you know, happiness is sometimes defined as the absence of pain or always the presence of pleasure. But what I've discovered is that we have a generation of people who are living their life in pursuit of being happy.
And then when they. I think they've arrived at what will make them happy. They're just as empty. And so I I made Christians now for the past 45 plus years. And when I talk to them, they say, well, I just want to be happy. And one day it occurred to me, nowhere in the scriptures are we told or were commanded.
To be happy, [00:03:00] at least in the sense that we think of it in a secular sense. So I went back and I thought, but yet there are people that I know who at least being around them, they appear to me to be happy. And so, you know, when I began to talk to those people and I went back to what Paul wrote, especially in the book of Olympians, I discovered happiness is really a by-product of doing what God created us to do.
So when you were doing what God created you to do, and you're on the same mission, God called every Christian to be on happiness is really the result. It comes from a contentment, a joy is another word we use. And it's just amazing what happens in the lives of people. Once they decide, Hey, I don't have to chase after happiness.
I just need to be what God created me to be. Then they find the joy and the happiness they've been searching for all their.
Tony: So one of the things I always love to ask [00:04:00] people is about how they hear from God. And I'm always curious. So you've, you've written before. How did God call you to write this kind of resource for such a time as this?
Phil: Well, I believe that God speaks to us. First of all, through his word, I, someone asked me one time said, have you ever heard the voice of God? And they said audibly and I laughed and I said, and I'll tell you how you can. And they said how I said, just read the Bible out loud. And they, they, that wasn't quite the answer they wanted, but that's the first and foremost, the second thing I've discovered is that the holy spirit who I believe is in dwelling, our hearts as believers, is making us aware of.
Keenly aware. And he speaks to us whether we call it impressions in our heart, whether we want to say it's thoughts that we don't think of, whether it's in our prayer time, suddenly we become aware of something we not aware of. It's almost like the holy spirit takes what we've [00:05:00] learned in God's word. And the holy spirit never contradicts God's word.
He's always consistent with the word of God. And yet he applies it in situations in our life. And one of the ways that God clearly speaks to me after I'm saturated with the word of God. And I'm keenly listening to the holy spirit is that as I go through my. And I just meet with people, whether it's, you know, a lady at the bank that I see, or whether it's somebody that I'm having a conversation with over lunch, sometimes I'm amazed at how, what I have been studying in scripture.
Suddenly this person begins to discuss our talk about in their life. And as I begin to observe and listen to their stories, a lot of times I see either how they have disobeyed the word of God. Or they have been consistent in obedience to the word of God and the impact that has had in their life. So one of the things I find is the word of God is true.
And then when we will actually start looking, [00:06:00] watching, observing, we'd be amazed how we can see the truthfulness in the lives of.
Tony: Do you think for somebody who maybe is just getting started on this kind of track of learning, what it means to be obedient to the word of God, what does it look like to get started? Why do you think it's like a chapter a day, a verse a day, a devotional. If somebody is listening to this and they're like, man, I've never really thought about happiness or obedience and the word of God before, where did they get started?
On that journey.
Phil: Well, the way I believe is it's literally, like I would say to somebody, if they was going to start an exercise program, you know, it's amazing. If somebody wants to start exercise in their mind, they think, well, I've never been to the gym. I've never exercise. So I'm going to go to the gym today.
And when I get to the gym and I'm going to work out for an hour and when I walk out, man, I'm going. Body. That's going to be built for me to enter a [00:07:00] competition somewhere. Well, we know that doesn't happen. It comes with time and we also know you're going to be extremely sore the next day. So the way I explained to young believers is don't try to conquer it all in one day.
This is a growth process. You know, we use the term Christian growth or spiritual growth. It's a growth process. So it, to answer your question, is that a chapter a day, a verse a day, a book a day. My answer is. It's whatever you can digest every day. Think of it like a baby, a baby can't, you know, a newborn can't eat a steak.
They're not prepared and ready for that. And Paul even made reference to that there's the milk of the word. And there's the meat of the word. Don't be embarrassed to say, Hey, I'm just starting. I'm trying to pray. I mean, I is I've discipled people. I've said, if you can just start with five or 10 minutes a day.
Disciplined in praying. If you just make that a habit, it won't be long before to be 15 minutes or 20 minutes, or, [00:08:00] and there will be times you may be spending a whole hour in prayer, but if you start out trying to do it for an hour, you're probably going to fail. So it's about taking those little steps in those little bites.
And when we start talking about. Growing as a Christian, as it relates to our happiness, it's not like, okay, today I've been a good Christian. I've done everything God told me to do. I'm still not happy. Well, it's a little bit like growing our exercising. It's going to take time, but the more you become obedient, the more you're going to see that joy that happened.
This is going to come in your life.
Tony: Now w one of the things that you talk about in, in the book is this idea about calling and circumstances. W once we develop obedience to God, once we do start to develop some of those exercises for good scripture intake and good prayer and good time in the word, how do we next discern what our calling is, and then learn how to be connected.
Regardless of the [00:09:00] circumstances.
Phil: Well, I think we have to start and let me just say this in, in regards to what you said. I, I tell people, I believe as a Christian, as I've discipled people, I can share with you. What's worked with me. I think it starts with the basics of your having a daily quiet time, which includes reading scripture and prayer.
I think it's being involved in a local church where you can use and discover spiritual gifts and what God wants you to do in the life of the body of Christ. It's about being faithful in giving. And I also tell people is being faithful. I like to call it journaling where you can see your growth, but once you've done that, then you want to know, okay, what is my calling?
What has God created me to do? Here's what I've discovered. Most people when they say to me, What's my calling. They want to know something that's going to impact the whole world, you know, Hey, am I the guy who's called to, you know, you know, to eradicate poverty in the world? Well, you may be, but you know, God may also be calling you.
[00:10:00] Just to care for a loved one who maybe has some physical or mental limitations. I find some of those people are happy because they find their calling. Here's the way I like to describe it. And I talk about, and stop chasing happy. I make this clear distinction because sometimes as Christians, we don't, all of us have the same mission as Christians and that mission.
Is to glorify God, but all of us have a different purpose in the kingdom of God. Here's the way I would explain it. If I was sitting with some of my, my, my buddies at think about a football team, you know, everybody loves football, whether it's the NFL or like in the Southeast where I live, college football is big and I'm from Alabama.
So we live and breathe football here.
Tony: Football is actually the second best team. Second best team in the country behind
Phil: never.
Now we're going to turn into a debate, but anyway, what's to happen. What I tell people is, you know, if you think about it, a football team consists of coaches and [00:11:00] players. It consists of managers and, and even fans, all of those people in a sense are part of that team.
They all have the same mission. They want to win the game. And on the football team itself, there's a quarterback and there's a guard and there's a wide receiver and there's linebackers on defense. All of them have the same mission. We all want to win the game, but the quarterback can't do what the linebacker does.
And the coach can't do what the quarterback does. And certainly the coach can't do what the fans do. Everybody has a different role to play. Everybody has a different purpose. The mission is the same for Christians. The mission is to glorify God. Everything we do is to bring honor and glory to God, but how we do that and what our calling or our purpose is.
It's different for every person, some are [00:12:00] called to teach and, and to, to preach others are called to you know, to serve on a mission field. But then there's people who have a calling that maybe not doesn't seem as glamorous. You know, we, it may be you're called to work at the local church and in the, you know, the nursery caring for babies.
So adults can be hearing the word of God taught, or maybe as I said, it's just being something in your community, but finding what God created you for and do it, everybody wants to be the quarterback on the football team. Everybody wants to be the head coach because they're the two that get the interview.
They're the two that get the glory. And sometimes we have a feeling that, you know, if I do what I really feel called to do, nobody's going to applaud it. Nobody's going to recognize it. And I say, well, it may be no humans recognize it, but your heavenly father recognize it. And the benefit of finding that calling is you're going to have a, what I call a [00:13:00] spiritual contentment, but you're also going to have.
Happiness. It's going to bring you significance and meaning. And at his heart, I think that's what joy and happiness. When we say that, that's what we really want. I want to feel significant and I want to feel I'm making a difference. And when we find what that purpose is, may not be glamorous. Nobody may write a book on how to do what God's made you to do, but when you do it, you're going to find that commitment in that happy.
Tony: I love that term spiritual contentment. And I think what I hear you saying is that it comes after we glorify God. And so I know that there's some people listening who maybe aren't serving in a church yet, or they're, you know, they're just working. Maybe they're an accountant. Maybe they work for the government.
How do we glorify God on a random Tuesday in October?
Phil: Well, we do that. I believe by realizing our calling is the goal. You know, our, our [00:14:00] mission is to glorify God, but God has assigned me, as you said, maybe to be an accountant working for the government. So therefore I see my tax. As being his representative among the people around me, that I'm going to be the person, not self righteously, not egotistically talking about how spiritual I am, but I want to be the person in that environment that people say, you know, that guy's very honest, that person doesn't lie.
That person is faithful to a spouse. That person seems to have something about him that's different. Or as I like to tell people, You know, if the holy spirit indwells us as believers, every time I go to work, the holy spirit is going with me and he just wants me to be his representative while I'm there.
And I, he in here's what helps a lot of people I find with their employment, especially when it's, it's not in a church environment and church is not easy either, but, but sometimes [00:15:00] it's not an amen, not in a church environment than in a sec, or maybe even in a environment that's hostile. To Christianity, maybe in an environment where people, nobody around us shares the biblical values that we share.
When we walk into that environment, we have to remember our mission is to glorify God. And our calling is that we're going to be God's representative in that environment, at least for now, God may change your assignment later on, but for now, I'm assigned to be his representative in this place. I like to think of it like this.
I have a friend who is in law enforcement and he said, you know, whenever I walk into a restaurant and I have my uniform on that, I'm a police officer. When I sat down to eat, even though I'm there. I'm still representing the law. He said, you know, if I walked through the mall, even I'm having my uniform on he said, even though I may be there to shop, or I may be there to help with a situation I'm still representing the law.
And [00:16:00] he said, when I understood that as a police officer, that as I, as I walk everything I do, I'm representing the law. He said it changed my conduct. And I think when we realized that we're representing the. And that's our mission and our assignment may be to be his representative and that environment.
I personally think that in itself brings a contentment and I think it helps us to see that work may not be fun, but yet I'm on a mission and knowing I'm on that mission will bring joy to my life.
Tony: I think that's a valuable a valuable posture of our heart. W one of the things that I wonder about is if you're anything like me there have been many seasons in my life where I have not represented the Lord well, right. And, and I failed and in some ways, and, and I wonder, what does starting. A new look like what does it mean to to start a new, like, you know, I haven't [00:17:00] always been a good representative, but I want to start being a good representative.
How do we go from you know, Discontentment to spiritual contentment, maybe as a, another way.
Phil: Well, I think contentment has to do with understanding the big picture. And let me give you an example of that. We often read the book of Philip Philippines, Philippians. I'm going to say it right here in a minute, Philippians in the Bible.
And you know, if you read the opening chapters and that's the verse that when you talk to Christians, especially about joy, they always say, well, you know, that joy, a pistol that Paul wrote where he said rejoice in the Lord, but there's something interesting when Paul starts his. So the church at Philippi, the Philippians, the pistol Philippians, when he starts at a pistol, he spins the first part of it, explaining why he's in prison.
Now, when I first read that, and for a long time, I read that, I thought, well, why did he do that? And then it occurred to me, you know, the first time Paul went to Philippi, according to the book [00:18:00] of acts, When he went there, there were very few Christians, but he finds, he, he, he found some ladies praying on a riverbank and he joined in them.
And because of that, a young lady that the Bible says was demonically possessed gives her heart to Jesus. You know, the demons leaver, she said free, but the people who made money from her, they get upset and they appall inside us, but in prison and in act 16, we have that wonderful story of how imprisoned Paul and Silas prayed and sang praises to God.
And the prisoners heard them, so they weren't quiet about it. And as a result, there was a great earthquake so that the very foundations of the prison were shaken and the result was Paul and Silas and the other prisoners could go free, but they didn't. And we know the story, how the Philippian jailer came in and, you know, brought them out in that question.
What must I do to be saved and their response? Well, that's how the church at Philippi got started. In fact, many historians believe that the jailer in his feet. Where some of the, what we would call charter members of that church. Now you [00:19:00] fast forward a few years, you have these Christians who have heard that story so many times how the earthquake came and how Paul was set free.
And now Paul is in prison. So it's easy to be a Christian when there's earthquakes, but now he's in prison. So, so those, those Christians had to be one. Does Paul have enough faith? Surely Paul's miserable. He can't be happy. Anybody can be happy when there's an earthquake and you're getting set free from jail, but he's not happy.
So Paul reminded them. Hang on just a minute. He said guys, the overall mission has always been about the gospel. It is always been about sharing the message of the death, burial and resurrection of Christ in act 16. An earthquake gave him the opportunity to share that message. But in Philippians, he said, God's not going to send an earthquake because I am sitting with guards everyday chained to me [00:20:00] and they can't go nowhere.
So I'm sharing the gospel and many of them have come to Christ even som in, in, in the very highest level. Of government. And he said, see, God didn't change his purpose. His purpose was for the gospel to be shared. So Paul says, Hey, I can be content. He said that in Philippians, I can be content, even though there's pain, what I'm going through.
I still see the mission. God is still fulfilling the mission. And he goes on to say, it's God's purpose right now for me to be going through this experience. So I can share the gospel with these guards. And the end result is when we study that, and that's the same epistle where he said rejoice in the Lord, he didn't say, be happy.
He didn't say rejoice. I mean, you don't want to be, you know, it's like, you don't want to, the doctor says you got. Cancer and you're dying it it's, it's kind of foolish to say, well, that makes me happy. Praise the Lord. No, but we can say, I don't understand why at the moment, [00:21:00] but I'm going to rejoice in the Lord, which means I know what God is up to.
I know his mission and I know his mission is to bring honor and glory to him. And I know through this experience like Paul in prison, he's going to use me for that purpose. So it's about the mission. Whatever our assignment may be. And that brings a contentment because I don't have to get rattled. God's got this.
And even though I may not understand it, it may not turn out. Like I want, I may go through a little pain when you know, your purpose is assigned by God to bring honoring glory to him. You can be content in even the most adverse circumstances.
Tony: I know that one of the ministries that you do in his pastors retreats.
And, and I was really intrigued by that because a lot of my friends and I we're getting together, we're talking about what's happening in the state of the church and what I hear from a lot of pastors. And I'm sure [00:22:00] you're hearing it as well as I am is this, there's a lot of there's a lot of trepidation.
There's a lot of burnout. There's a lot of I mean, honestly, there's just a lot of pain, right? It feels a little bit like jail. And in some regards, what are you. Oh, what are you telling pastors who are coming to you and they don't have Paul's perspective or they lost Paul's perspective? How do we, how do we get that back?
How do we get that back when we're in
Phil: prison?
Well, as I tell people you know, I, I jokingly tell people that one of the early things I learned in ministry is that even Christians can be unkind and they can be mean. I once had a man challenged me on that, who actually said to me, I just don't believe Christians can be mean.
And I said, well, then explain to me why 85% of all inmates in prison today, claim to be Christians. I know some of them came to the Lord afterwards, but the truth is Christians can be me. And [00:23:00] I think we we've entered a time when people are. I don't know. They're very discontented in their own life.
Life's not working out for them. We all had our roadmaps of what life was going to be. And along came COVID and just totally turned everything upside down. We're now working from home, which for some is good, but you know, as my friend said, the other day, I'm working from home, but we have four preschoolers.
It's not fun working from home. Other in church. Suddenly, you know, for a long time, I believed in the church in America, we've had a lot of cultural Christians church was a place to network with good people. Now, all of a sudden that's changing. We do extensively a lot of extensive ministry in new England, which is one of the most unchurched unreached regions of our country.
It's. Heartbreaking to drive through, you know, those beautiful states of Connecticut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine. And to see how few people, I mean, they look, I mean, they're not [00:24:00] atheist, it's just not important in their life. And those pastors are so discouraged. That's when we started a special retreat for them and have them come.
But in the last year suicide and suicidal thoughts have become very prevalent among pastors, not just there, around the country. More men. I know, and women too are saying, I'm leaving the ministry, I'm getting out of this and we'll get a secular job. And which I sometimes say to you, so you really think that's going to be easier a better, but I think there's something deeper, Tim.
I think there's something deeper than all of that. And it's something, if, you know, as I sometimes will say, just between us girls and just between us. I have to say, I think some of us in ministry have allowed ourselves to become performers. We, whether it be in our music or even in our speaking and our teaching or speaking, if people applaud you, how wonderful you're so good.
You're great. And if we're not careful, [00:25:00] we get kind of. We get to liking the applaud. Now, again, this is just between us girls. Okay. So we're not going to go tell it. We told them, right. Or just between us guys, we might say so we get accustomed that. So when the crowd turns from applauding to booing, all of a sudden, we don't know what to do with the crowd because they were approving us.
They were affirming us a few minutes ago. Now they're not what I've said to so many in ministry. If you're in this world, To get applaud to get wealthy. It could be, God is purging his church. It could be, God's trying to do a work in your life. Cause remember, you know, there were times when, when Paul was very effective in Paul, you know, as I tell people, Paul got to meet with the political leaders of his day, but he didn't go there.
On an invitation to a bank, but he went there because he was a prisoner or there was a conflict. Paul went there to preach the [00:26:00] gospel and I'm afraid some of us have gotten so accustomed to the world approving us. I'm not saying that's the sole reason for it. I also find many men in ministry. They don't get rest.
They don't discipline themselves to have downtime. In fact, I tell a lot of my pastor friends, which is applies to anybody who's in work. If you work with your mind, your hobby needs to be something you do with your body, you know, play golf, do exercise or something. But if you're in a if you're in a job where it causes you to, to physically have manual labor, Then your hobby needs to be something that stimulates your mind, because if you, if you work all the time with, you know, X with your body and your muscles and things like that, manual labor, and then your, your you know, your hobby is to do things that are manual labor.
You're going to burn out. The same thing is true. If we use our minds and we're speaking, we're writing, we're teaching, whatever we're doing and we turn around and then our hobbies is just about. [00:27:00] We're going to grow with very weary and we're going to get very tired and it could be burnout. So my encouragement to people is, and in fact, I'm finding it's a lot of people who ministry owning your, read my book about stop chasing happy.
Cause I said, I'm afraid. Some of us started out young. We started chasing the happiness we thought was found in being the ministry. And now we're not quite as happy as we thought they were because maybe we were building on the wrong things.
Tony: I'm always curious. What are some of the disciplines that you have kind of a weaved into your life, into the fabric of who you are that help keep you in a, in a grounded foundational place. What are some of your practices on a daily basis or weekly basis, even that help you stay in a place where you're not so quick.
Phil: Well, there's two or three things. Number one is I have I have a time every day, quiet time when I talk with the Lord and the Lord, and I have a honest, heartfelt conversation. [00:28:00] And guess what I tell the Lord exactly how I feel. People are surprised that I sometimes tell the Lord, Lord, I don't like this.
I don't like what you're doing. I don't like how this person is doing it, but I've discovered I've never told the Lord anything that he didn't agree. That's number one. And so I spend time and Lord, how do your word, how do you want to speak to me and, and allow God to speak to me from his word to spend time talking with a lawyer.
And for me that also involves journaling, writing down either prayer, what I'm doing to process, because sometimes I need that to go back and look, you know, five years later is even 10 years later, 20 years later now, and look at some of that and thought, wow, boy, if I knew, then what I know now, well, God does know.
You know, he knows what the future holds. So that helps. The second thing I've discovered is I need people in my life that are not members of my fan club. And by that, I mean, we tend to gravitate to [00:29:00] people who are always telling us how wonderful we are, you know, two or three of my closest friends. Are not impressed with me now.
What I mean by that? They say like me, we're good friends. We can hang out together, but they're not sitting there telling me how great my latest book is. They're not telling me all that. They're just who they are. And, and, and when I ask them a question, they painfully tell me the truth, you know, and I find all of us need those people in our lives that are not.
People, we like the people who tell us how wonderful we are and we don't just need to be with people who tell us how terrible we are, but we do need to be with friends who are honest and keeping you grounded because here's what I've done. For a lot of people, we all have blind spots. I don't care who we are.
I don't care how long we do life. We have blind spots and if we don't have people, as I say, who can bloody our nose and then hug us, who can support us, [00:30:00] but also bloody. If we don't have those people in our life, you're going to go through life and you're going to end up with the emperor has no clothes, but nobody tells the emperor he's naked and then greatest the fall when that happens.
So for me, it's having those ton of times to do that. And I would even add this when you know, my wife and I have been married since 1984. And we discovered early on that ministry in life can be hard on your marriage. And for us, we discovered you can be doing good things, helping other people and allowing those closest to you to suffer.
So we heard someone say, this is not original with me, but it became our motto. We're going to talk daily. We're going to date weekly and we're going to retreat. And what the, and we're going to vacation annually. I would add that for us. It means there's a time every day that we're just going to have conversation and find out what's going on in each other's life every week, we're going [00:31:00] to do something.
That's just the two of us. You know, we have grandkids and you have. Two wonderful daughters and two wonderful son-in-laws and all of that. They're always in our life, but there's times when we just need to be with ourselves. And then every quarter we're going to take three, three or four days just to get away by herself.
And people said, well, we don't have the money to do that. I'm going to say, look, you can stay at your own house and just plan three days where you're going to get up every day. You know, go see something or go shopping to do that. It's the discipline to do it. I'm sure you've heard this before, but it's true.
We judge people by their actions, but we judge ourselves by our intentions. Meaning, you know, a lot of times people say, well, I intend to have a quiet. But then when you look at the last time you had one it's been years or we intend to talk, but the last time you really had a conversation, it's been weeks.
So it's discipline is about consistency. It's about doing those things consistently [00:32:00] every day. And it's like a runner and, you know, a runner who runs every day or at least every other day. He's going to be able to have an endurance that the guy who never runs and the day comes, he has to run. He's not going to last this long.
He gets rewarded for his discipline of doing it every day. And for me, that's, you know, that's those things I do. And it's also about controlling my time. I have found in my life time is the most precious thing I have. So I want to make sure that at least every day I don't, I never start a day that I have not already written that day out on paper.
I know pretty much. What's going to have that. There's always surprises. There's always last minute. But at least I know by the time this day is ended, here are the things that I have to achieve. And I'm amazed at when I an intentional about it. It's amazing how I get them done.
Tony: No, I think that's I think that's a really good word for all of us and I, I [00:33:00] love the idea of intentionality around it and it feels so. It feels so pertinent to what we're talking about as it, as it comes down to stop chasing happiness, right? Because this all goes back to this idea about and being intentional.
And can we be intentional? And, and what does that look like? And, you know, sometimes I know that when we write a w when we, when we write books, we write them for, to tell our story. And other times we write them for specific audiences. And it feels like this is one of those books that God kind of placed on your heart that like leads you to a certain place.
When you, when you wrote this book, who, who were you thinking of? I mean, who, who's the person that needs to pick up this copy and, and like really.
Phil: Well, I thought about the hundreds and I would even probably say without exaggeration, the thousands of people that I've met in my life who say I want to be happy.
And one of the things I shared at the very beginning of this book is about a trip that I [00:34:00] took one weekend. And I didn't realize that I was going to interact with four distinct people who were going to. Greatly affect how I viewed happiness and I had been invited pastor's wife in new England had passed away and she had requested if I would speak at her Memorial service.
And I, I was honored to do that. So I flew to Vermont. I actually flew into Hartford, Connecticut, and drove over to Vermont for a service. But when I got on the plane to fly to Hartford, I had one of those rare moments where I, because of my frequent flyer traveling, I got bumped up to first class and this young lady got on, who was probably in her twenties, a beautiful young lady in every sense of the word.
She sat down by me and she'd been weeping. And so after a few minutes realizing she was crying, I just leaned over and I said, look, I, I don't want to impose, but I am in ministry. And I also have two daughters and there's [00:35:00] nothing gets a daddy's heart, like in my opinion, like a crying daughter. And I said, so I don't want to impose, but if I can help you, I'd be glad to.
And the essence of it was, she looked at me and she first said, oh, I'm okay. And then later on, she just kind of. Looked at me and she said, I just want to tell you it's not right. It's wrong. And she just began to verbally spew this anger, not towards me. I was receiving it because she had just entered her last beauty pageant that she could be in, in order to qualify for miss America.
And she came in second place and she told me her story about how, if she could just win miss America, she would be having. And, and I talked her through that a little bit. Didn't make a lot of progress. Then I go the next day to speak at the Memorial service. And here was a pastor's wife by her own admission, never entered a beauty contest.
Didn't worry [00:36:00] about that. But at the conclusion of the service they opened up, and this was a very small church. It wasn't a large church, but they opened up the opportunity for anybody in the audience who wanted to share what Marge, this lady who had died. And Tim, I got to tell you for four hours, people went to the microphone, homeless people who wept at the conclusion of it.
The last one was a 12 year old girl, a 12 year old girl who stood up and said, I'm going to miss miss Marge because she's the only woman in town who gave me hugs. And for those of us who don't get hugs, we're going to miss her and I'm sending them. And I thought back to the last visit I had with her before she passed away, she's dying of cancer.
And she literally laughed every moment, not because of her pain, but life was such a joy for her. And I realized that that moment comparing these two people, this [00:37:00] person thought, well, I'd be happy if I win this America. This person had found happiness by doing what God called her to do, to be his representative in a little small town in a pastor's wife.
So then I'm flying home. And as I'm flying home, I went to the, to this area where they have four people who are frequent flyers. And I just was going to sit in and read some stuff in my Bible. And as I was reading my Bible, I heard this voice say to me you approved her and I could tell it was just do voice.
And I looked up and there. Beast of a man I'm talking about probably one of the, this guy had muscles that just, I mean, he could Tabby take one hand and squeeze me into. And I said, yes, sir. I am. And then I noticed this emblem on his bag that he was a professional wrestler. And I immediately, I didn't, I don't watch wrestling that much.
I did when I was a kid, but we start this conversation and he asked me the most unusual thing he said, well, let me ask you this. Are you having. He asked me that question. And I said, well, yes, I am. He said, I [00:38:00] bet. He said, well, why are you happy? And I said, well, I'm happy because I have a relationship with the Lord.
I believe with everything that God has called me to, to speak into people's lives and to help them to serve him and find their purpose. And he begins to tell me that. And so I asked him, are you happy? Now? Here's a guy who's very famous. Who obviously of wealthy. And he starts telling me, well, I'm trying to be, he tells me about four or five, very rare cars.
He hairs, he tells me how big his house is. He tells me all of this material possession he has. And I said, but sir, are you happy? And he said to me, well, when I get this car and he listed a couple of things, then I think I'll be. And I had the opportunity to talk to him about that a little bit. And then we had to go our ways, but as I walked off, I thought, okay, the girl was trying to have, find happiness in the approval of people.
He's trying to find happiness and stuff, and neither of them are going to ever be happy. And I thought back tomorrow, And then the fourth person I met was a different, whose name is Katherine [00:39:00] Wolf? I don't know if you had the privilege to meet Catherine. And Catherine was a lady who was on, was in the west coast, was going to be an actress and a model when she had a very unusual stroke that left her partially paralyzed.
And yet she's one of the happiest people I know, because she had determined before the storm. That her life's mission was to glorify God, whatever that purpose was. And now though, she has some physical challenges. She will not be an actress. She will not be a model. She speaks to people and it's not just somebody who's resigned to it.
Her happiness never changed because their happiness was not based on her appearance. It was not based on her possessions. It was based on her walk with the Lord and she knew her purpose was to glorify God. I didn't really like the way God went about it, but she says, I know God, I know what God's got this and he's right.
She has influence for more people than she would ever influence if she had been an actress or a model. [00:40:00] And I looked at those four people, all four people I met literally within a 24 hour period, never planned it. Didn't expect to meet these four people. And yet I discovered here are two people who will never find happiness.
They're going to spend their life chasing it, thinking it's just. And people approving my periods and believing, just getting, you know, possessions or whether it's in serving the Lord. That's why I hear people say this a lot. I will be happy if, or I would be happy. And if you're, if you're listening to us today and you've said those words, I would be happy if, if I had a different job, I would be happy.
You know, if I had money, I would be happy. You know, if, if I had a different spouse, I would be happy if I had kids, whatever you want to fill in the blank, I need to make an announcement. Those things are not going to bring you happiness. They may bring you a temporary place. They may remove [00:41:00] some pain that you're currently having, but ultimately they're not going to bring you happiness because everybody I know that had the blank filled in were just as miserable six months a year later because they're basing it on something that's like quicksand it's it's it's temporary.
It's not permanent, but when you base your happiness on what God created you to do, which is to glorify him and to fulfill the assignment, he's given you in life, whatever it is, when you do that, you're going to find true long long-term joy and happiness. That's what you're going to.
Tony: Who that'll that'll preach any day of the week. I absolutely love it. I love it. I love it. I think it's such an important message for, for this season of life that we find ourselves in. I feel, I know that our audience and our friends are going to want to find you where's the best place for them to [00:42:00] learn more about you.
To pick up their copy of the book and to get connected to what God's doing through your ministries.
Phil: Well, the book is available through sources like Amazon. Most people have Amazon or other bookstores. You can find it, or you can go to my website, which is Phil waldrep.org. Now I always like to spell that for people because they misspelled my name, just P H I L w a L D as in dog, R as in Robert, E as in Edward.
P as in paul.org, P H I L w a L D R E P dot O R G. And that's how you'd get in contact with me. I'd love to hear from people. I try my best to answer emails myself. Most of the time I am able to do that. Love to hear from people love for people to read the book, stop chasing happy by Phil waters. You can get it at Amazon, other bookstores.
Tony: And we'll link to all that in the show notes, and we'll make sure that people can get connected. Last question. I [00:43:00] always love to ask people. It's an, it's an advice question. And I'm going to ask you to give yourself one piece of advice, except I get to pick the time and day to day of the day. So, so if you could go back and talk to talk to the younger version of yourself, The day after you were married, I think you said you were married 1984.
So the day after you were married, if you could go back and talk to that younger version of Phil, well, what's the one thing that you're going to look him in the eyes and tell him
Phil: I would look him in the eye and tell him. Don't spend most of your time with people that are never coming to your funeral and vest your time with the people who care about you, who want to be with you and who will ultimately.
Be at your funeral. And for me, that meant making my relationship with the Lord, the number one priority, but my relationship with my [00:44:00] wife, second, my relationship with my kids, third, my relationship with my church, family and friends fourth, and then everything else I do that may be related to even my ministry come after that, what I did in the early days, I flew.
I had my relationship with the Lord, but I thought my ministry was an extension of that. So in the early days, my wife and my kids wasn't as high a priority. And now if I could look back, I would say, you know what, all those people you were trying to impress back then they don't even know who you are now.
And I, so if I could say that to me, I kind of summarize it as sell people. It's not original. Spend your time with the people who are going to come to your funeral, not with people who are not coming to your funeral. And if you do that, if I had done that even though I've got a great life and God's been good and I have kids and a wife, who've been very patient through that process of me learning, I would have, I definitely would have done that.[00:45:00]
Tony: Praise God, praise God. Phil, thank you so much for your generosity of time today. Thank you for what you're putting out into the world and for your ministry. And I really hope we can stay connected as both of us continue on what God's called us.
Phil: I would love to do that. Thanks for having me. It's always a joy to talk to you.
Tony: I told you guys what a great conversation with Phil. I love the way he talked about fulfillment, intention and hope about reading the Bible out loud to get the word of God in you. Talk daily date, weekly retreat, quarterly. Just really good rhythms that practice spiritual contentment. Please do me a favor.
Check out his website, check out his information. Also, you may have noticed Phil and I really didn't get a chance to chat very long and he called me Tim several times in the episode. I can assure you. We talked afterwards. It's all good. I just didn't want to cut out any of that. Great. So now that you've listened to the end of the podcast, you know, the inside scoop, don't [00:46:00] forget, subscribe wherever, wherever you listen to podcasts, leave a rating and retune rating or review on iTunes and share this episode with a friend as always.
Don't forget if you want to follow Jesus, you must be willing to move.
